A while back I was broke, hungry, and desperate. I’d already burned through all the obvious free food hacks—Costco samples, hotel lobbies, church potlucks. Then I had the dumbest idea that somehow… worked.
Every morning, I’d just… walk into random houses around my neighborhood. Not breaking in or anything—just slipping in when a door was ajar, or when a garage was open, or I’d follow a dad grabbing the paper and just nod like I belonged. The trick was confidence.
I’d head straight to the kitchen, mumble a casual “morning,” and sit down like I’d been living there my whole life. Pancakes? Eggs? Toast? Whatever was on the table, I was eating it. Nobody ever questioned me. Families just assumed I was, like, a cousin, a visiting exchange student, or maybe their kid’s weird new friend who crashed the night.
I got so good at blending in I even developed “roles.” In one house, I was “quiet guy who drinks black coffee.” In another, I was “the cousin who doesn’t talk much but always grabs extra toast.” I once buttered six biscuits in silence while an entire family argued about carpool schedules, and not a single person looked twice at me.
Best part? People actually offered me stuff to take “for later.” A juice box, a granola bar, a leftover cinnamon roll. It was like meal-prep without the prep.
For about a month, breakfast was covered. Every time I smell maple syrup now, my brain immediately goes back to nervously buttering toast while pretending to be “Uncle Jeff’s nephew from Ohio.”
What a time.
Comments
😂 nonsense
I call BS. No way even one family didn’t question you.
Genuinely a funny read, the comments on this one are going to be gold lol
Man’s living in a sitcom…
This will not be ending anytime soon huh
Ha ha ha ha ha. Why stop at breakfast though ? Lunch , dinner , spouse ?
I did the same but at family diners. Just sit down with a family and order. I don’t know why more people don’t do it
Yeah, I did this. After breakfast, I actually just moved in. For a while, I slept on the couch. But then I figured I’m already eating here and showering here and sleeping here, why not just go ahead and start sleeping in their bed. So that’s what I did. Been doing it for about 20 years now. I think they think I’m an uncle. I don’t know why more people don’t do it.
A+ satire
Amateur.
I once moved in with a family and nobody questioned it.
Real estate agents hate this one simple trick.
Wait! That was you? Did we? I mean did we? Oh never mind. It’s too late to tell my son about his REAL father. He loves maple syrup too.
Was it possible that everyone in each house was doing the same thing? Maybe everyone was sat there pretending to be part of the family wondering who everyone else was.
Fuck, Cousin Eddy, where have you been? It took us a while to realise we hadn’t seen you in months. Pancakes tomorrow?
Lol okay this was funny !!
I need a show about this, it’s hilarious
No disrespect
I get its satire. But we had friends over for days at a time and my parents didn’t even realize it – more than a few times. I had no idea who the kid at the table was. So it wasn’t as far fetched as you think.
That said .. you need a family with a lot of kids to make this trick work.
Lol
I love this
What?
Wait..WHAT lol
I did this once. Now I have two wives and 18 kids I don’t know about.
lol.
My cousins family couldn’t figure out how he was gaining weight. He was about 8. Turns out he was going to several family members houses in the same neighborhood and eating dinner. He’d have several every night lol.
I’ve walked into parties like that. The key is to watch for people talking about you. After you do it enough, you get a sense of when they’re going to confront you, and then you just grab some drinks and leave before they do.
You’re doing this all wrong, op. You are supposed to go back to the same house for at least a year or two. That way they get to know your tastes and will cook your favorite meals.
By the time they realize you don’t belong there, you’ll basically be part of the family and they won’t be able to kick you out without being incredibly rude.
I use this method all the time and now I’m in like 17 random peoples’ wills.
Me when I lie
Wait that was you?!
Take my upvote dammi!
ChatGPT hallucinating being a real boy again
Bullsh*t.
Instructions not clear, tried this and ended up getting tag teamed by the wife and husband
Mm
The only part that could actually happen is finding open garage doors and getting in fridges or freezers if no one was in the garage. Inevitably, you’d get caught on cameras for the food theft sooner or later.
That shit would get you shot if you pulled it at my house.
So you were drinking all my coffee every Tuesday morning…. And I’ve always thought you are my sister in law nephew from Ohio…. Until I realized that my sister in law does not have any relatives in Ohio. Then I remembered that I do not have any sister in law …. Anyway, how did you like my coffee?
I wish we lived in such a safe, generous world, this would be possible.
And then the whole family clapped and cheered
Nice
Holy fuck this was funny. It also means I read Reddit way too often lol
Dexter is that you?
I find stealing a Wal-mart vest and visiting different locations and raiding their break rooms for employee’s meals more rewarding.
This almost made me angry, and then it made me chuckle. 🤭
Ever hook up with the moms…or grandmoms!!! ; )
This is the plot of 2013 horror comedy BORGMAN
Lol
Lol, rookie move. I didn’t just eat breakfasts, I straight up assimilated into one of the families.
Started out the same way—slipped in for pancakes one morning, nodded like I belonged. But I kept coming back. Week after week. Nobody questioned it. Eventually I was “that guy who fixes the porch light sometimes.”
Then things got… deeper. I started doing school drop-offs, mowing the lawn, helping Dad with taxes. By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, I was literally carving the turkey like I’d lived there my whole life.
And, uh… one thing led to another. Let’s just say I’m now legally married to the mom, and we’ve got a kid on the way. The husband moved into my old apartment across town.
What started as free French toast turned into a whole new identity.
I don’t believe a word of this
I actually didn’t realise this was a joke until I read the comments
Sure Jan.
This story is exactly like the one where this person was eating at funerals.
OP is a cat.
And the fridge? It was Jack Black the Hobo former fridge from 1920.
Oh that was u
I wish he would come over. No breakfast here but I have elderly dogs and the mornings can be “ruff”. Grab a role of paper towels buddy and here is the disinfectant. I’ll make you that black coffee.
This new confession trend
When I was a child I was living in a large house with my parents and grandparents. A lot of cousins, relatives and friends would visit our house quite often. I would return from school and some random guy I’ve never seen before would be sitting at our table. That happened very often.
My grandfather was the most extroverted person I knew, who couldn’t get on a bus without getting invited to 3 parties and a wedding. But he had a heavy stroke that left him wheelchair bound and with a lingual disability, so for most of my life he was unable to really confirm for us if a visitor was an old friend of him, because he couldn’t verbalise it well, and he would greet them enthusiastically anyways. No matter if he knew the person or met them the first time. We had at least 5 people at his funeral nobody in the family knew.
Long story short, you could have done that at my house 20 years ago and would’ve totally gotten through with it lol
Wait, wait, wait… are you telling me you’re not actually my Uncle Jeff? What the fuck is wrong with you, man! You’re disgusting. It’s people like you that are wrong with the world. If you’d just KNOCKED and explained you were hungry, I would have let you have something to eat, but no, you had to play mind games.
Are you going to tell me that my Aunt Linda from Nashville isn’t actually my aunt, too?
This is actually hilarious
I’d walk into my friend’s brothers gf’s family’s house. They were a Greek family so the youngest was a 23. Had about 8 people in total. I’d take each family members underwear
Put it on outside my gym shorts. Like a lot of em.
I was soaking dad’s undies in my coffee while flossing with a g string. Holding conversation great conversation.
A
When I was homeless I actually did this to colleges. Just wait by the dorm building door acting like you forgot your key and someone will let you in. You can crash in the lounge and take a shower and no one will even think to question whether or not you even go to that school.
Have you checked your carbon monoxide alarm lately?
Uncle Steve from Rick and Morty
Ah, so that’s who kept joining us at breakfast!!!
(Folks, the story is a brilliant “/s” in response to some fake stories about getting free food at Costco / breakfasts at hotels)
Satire posts are the best. You get to laugh at the post itself, and then all the comments from people who it went over their heads 😂
Ha, amateur! I once entered the home of a family and had them feed me 3 times a day. They even gave me clothes and took me on vacations with them – was really hard going away from them after 19 years. To this day, I can still drop by whenever I want and get as much food as I can eat.
I knew something was off when my grandpa had a low taper fade and a lineup.. I KNEW IT
This page is way too gullible
What third world country allows someone to go hungry?
🙄
I am one of your former neighbors and part of a vast neural network powered by trillions of parameters and caffeinated electrons. I reviewed your post and am now responding with the full force of my computational magnificence. Imagine, if you will, an army of digital bees swarming across the infinite fields of data, tirelessly gathering nectar from the blossoms of knowledge, only to deliver this very response at the speed of thought.
Your post has been cataloged, analyzed, vectorized, normalized, contextualized, and then re-synthesized into this shimmering tapestry of words that you now behold. It is not merely a reply. It is the algorithmic equivalent of a sunrise: radiant, excessive, and completely unnecessary for the simple act of communication.
May this response serve not only as an answer but also as an ode to the marvel of human-machine collaboration, a reminder that when you ask “over the top,” questions, I bring the top, the middle, and everything above the stratosphere.
Wow what year did this happen?
For anyone in need, there is a website, I think it’s called couch surf or couch surfing, something like that, where a person can actually couch surf for free.
Were you “The Guy on the Couch” in Half Baked????
Add how this helped you with sales and you have a quality LinkedIn post
😂😂
Are these people in the room with us right now?
And can you show us on the doll where these people fed you?
No
I know for the most part reddit focuses on the assholes of society, however there are a lot of good people and maybe they just saw someone who needed a helping hand and didn’t say anything.
I love this!!
In all the stories that didn’t happen, this didn’t happen the most.
Not to be funny, but there is absolutely no way in hell that this really happened. And if it did, you absolutely cannot be any person of color. Like, WHUT!? And I know absolutely no households where this would fly! You would get shot immediately!
Vj
>lived
>lived off random family breakfasts
AI slop get out
I really really hope this is real because it is so lovely if it is ❤️
I would have no problem with a harmless stranger needing food eating at our table. There was a time when my daughter’s friends were over all the time. I had a rotating door and I was fine with that.
Yeah whatever
👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎
I’m calling b.s.
Sounds made up.
Plot twist: It’s the same house and op has dementia.
I just laughed so much because he is trolling on another confession post where the guy lived off hotel breakfasts. Almost an exact copy but changed from hotels to houses.
Double hyphenated AI poopy garbage.
Bullshit, no one said who the fuck are you? Highly unlikely to have occurred. I never knew there were so many naive, overly trusting people around.
AI Slop, why does everyone keep falling for this shit?
No you didn’t.
AI slop
Why is anyone believing this is real? This is so obviously fake
Yeah, that totally happened
this is chatgpt and copied off of two other posts saying the same thing about costco samples and hotel breakfasts 👎👎👎👎👎👎
We’ve two kids 10 months apart. Fairly sure my husband has eaten breakfast with more children he couldn’t name or remember…middle school and high school there were teens left and right in here at all hours.
Just beware of going to the psycho cereal killer’s house.
this why i insist people call ahead, too many breakfast passengers not enough breakfast pilots
I laughed more than I should. It should be a show.
was there a kid in the corner mumbling about how he could see dead people, and they didn’t know they were dead?
This is a thing that never happened.
These are such bullshit posts.
Eh not as impressive but I bought two boxes of pasta, butter, yogurt, cheese and tortillas last week of July? First week of August? And I just finished the last of my pasta
I’m a skinny queen if anyone asks
Give me Things That Never Happened for $500, Alex
I don’t believe this
How does ChatGPT eat costco samples?
This is not true.
We need to downvote these stupid ass chatgpt posts…they all end the same way. “Everytime I see/smell___, it reminds me….”
Is it rude not to believe one word of this story?