Misleading slightly because I DO love my child and I LOVE being her mom but I am just so exhausted. Mentally and Physically.
I try to tell people how I feel but they just don’t listen or say it’ll get better.
It’s been three years and I just want to curl in a ball and sleep until the end of time. I just don’t want to do this anymore. I get no days off, I get no relief.
When she’s in school I have to clean the house and do laundry.
When she’s home she is in constant need to playing and attention.
She doesn’t sleep at night and requires physical stimulation to be happy. Jumping, swinging, climbing. We do gymnastics two times a week, we go to bounce houses and trampoline parks.
I want to go back to school for a science degree that requires field work because I feel physical labor will be less exhausting than this.
I just don’t want to do this anymore.
And my daughter will NEVER know. I will NEVER take my inability to get myself together out on her. All she will know is love and fun while I am slowly dying inside.
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Your frustrations are valid. Catering for another human is not easy. Do not feel guilty for feeling this way, it doesn’t diminish the love you have for your child either.
Are you a single mom? If not, can her dad help out with things? You obviously need a break.
As a copium, i’d say; It’s a phase, they grow up real fast.
Yes I understand. I finally burned out when my kids were 6 and 3 and o couldn’t understand how I could feel that way when I clearly loved my kids and taking care of them was something I loved doing. But there is too much of a good thing. You need rest, you need recover. And more than that, your kid needs that you rest and you recover. Taking care of yourself is being a good parent.
Now I now it’s hard when you don’t have a support network. I didn’t. It was just me and my wife, and wife works full time. No grandparents, no family around, no friends, no money to hire help. So I get it.
However, this is something you need to address. You need to find a way for you to rest and recover. This is not optinioanl and it is a priority. I don’t know your particular situation so I won’t suggest specifics. What I am doing is validating your need. Taking care of yourself IS being a good parent. What you’re going thru is a real and pressing problem that need to be addressed. People have to take this seriously.
Good luck all the best.
Shoulda thought about that before you opened your legs!
I have a 2 year old boy and I stay at home with him. I COMPLETELY understand. Look into „proprioception dysfunction”. Your daughter sounds like she likes a lot of the things my son does and needs for his own nervous system regulation. I’ve learned so much by getting him into working with an OT who I’ve learned so much from. I also bit the bullet and went on SSRIs which I feel have been helping me more than I thought they would and it’s only been 3 weeks. Idk if you have any support from a partner or family, but I recommend leaning on that more. Also – housework needs to be 50/50. Raising a kid is more than one whole job cuz you’re on the clock 24/7. So housework needs to be split with a partner, even if they’re working full time. My husband was raised by a weak mother who babies all her kids so he didn’t know how to do these things, but individual therapy for us both PLUS couples counseling has helped. It’s so fucking hard. And you’re brave for being honest. Sending you an internet fellow mom hug. Always feel free to DM me to vent! 🤍
It’ll get better when she’s 25.
I actually saw on Reddit that someone’s therapist told them “your a parent, not an entertainer.” I don’t know what your day to day looks like but from this post it seems like you put a lot of energy into keeping your child stimulated all the time. If they’re in a safe environment it’s ok for you to let them entertain themselves with their imagination. It’s also ok for them to experience boredom. Maybe if you can lessen the expectations for yourself a bit it might take some of the pressure off.
I feel this in my bones!
I have 2 daughters and i love them both completely.
Eldest has special needs and she too doesn’t sleep and can’t entertain herself for 2 mins, along with a whole host of other issues. That makes me feel guilty for youngest getting zero attention.
So tired and mentally exhausted I cannot even explain. I understand how you’re feeling.
I’m in the newborn trenches right now and I feel you so much. I used to work 80 hour weeks in a factory and it wasn’t this exhausting.
Been feeling this a lot Lal lately but thankfully I have a husband that supports me all the way. Is the father present in the picture?
I don’t have any advice but I will say I’ve been where you are. My oldest child is now 23 and my youngest is now 8. I have 6 kids total. It does get better. I promise, this is temporary. It will get better. Hugs ❤️
You’re doing a good job. I hope you find balance soon.
Do you have help?
You have to find inner peace.
I know you’re saying ‘she will never know’
I’m in my mid 40’s – I have numerous friends that were in your spot – you know what happens – you will burn out and turn resentful.
Maybe when they’re in their teens, maybe older, but it will happen, you will give up. Maybe alcohol, maybe affairs, something somewhere will pull you in.
Please find your peace now. Find your break. Find your outlet.
Personally – I did go back to grad school shortly after my first. I found school to be my health out from family. My partner was supportive (kinda). At times they pulled the load, at times they made my life miserable.
I hear ya.
Being the parent of a teen is no better. You do so much and neglect yourself in the process and they are callous and ungrateful.
No solutions. Just know you’re not alone.
I promise that bit by bit, it does get easier. Or at least it becomes physically less demanding and exhausting when you no longer have to lift them in and out of the car, give them baths, help them get dressed, etc. It sounds like you got the double whammy of a kid who needs constant movement and who also doesn’t sleep solidly enough at night for you both to get some good rest. I hope that this starts to even out more as she starts school and comes home super tired, but in the meantime, it may be worth chatting with her pediatrician about to see if they have any suggestions.
But also…please let your mom and your friends know that you are struggling. If they ask how they can help, tell them that you really need a full weekend off to sleep and hide in your cave. Perhaps you could take her to preschool on a Friday and they could do pick up and keep her through Sunday evening. Do that sort of thing more than once – I know that it would be difficult to make it a regular occurrence, but at least do it frequently enough that you have it to look forward to. It sounds like you may be doing this alone, which is absolutely fucking brutal for anyone. There is no shame in that. Hold tight.