I own a successful company, I have 6 amazing kids, a great husband. I volunteer for our community and our church. I have a great reputation. I do all of the right things. A few months I unexpectedly lost my brother and it has changed me completely. I can’t describe the amount of pain I am in.
I know this is so stupid but I had to tell someone. I really want to try an illegal drug like cocaine, mushrooms, lsd. Something. I don’t smoke and i don’t drink. Addiction runs bad in my family. I won’t even take Tylenol. But I constantly daydream about using drugs. I crave it. I know it would be a huge mistake. Maybe I’m trying to escape my current reality. I just needed to get that out into the world without judgment. Thanks for listening.
Comments
You didn’t ask and this will probably be removed, but here’s some (definitely completely hypothetical) advice: Shrooms are not at all addictive but they are illegal. You can also figure out how to grow them yourself. It might help with the feelings of loss and grief you are experiencing, but you do want to be in the right headspace, so absolutely do your (hypothetical) research first.
You’re most likely trying to escape reality, and I understand this very deeply. I may not lose someone who is very close to heart in your situation, which I’m sorry for your loss & my condolences to the family as well. Shrooms can either help guide through this grief, or deepen the hole in your heart. It really does depend on your mindset while taking these types of hallucinogenic or psychedelic drugs
You do need someone to talk about this, we both know it won’t solve all problems, but it’s a good step to really start healing from them. No matter what good or bad background you have, no one is in the position to judge you while you are dealing with this pain. I’m not a mom either but I do have one, and I don’t want my mom to handle this by herself nor think it’s okay to hide it. If you still are interested, of taking those type of drugs, just be careful though EVERY trip is different.
Stay strong mama’s, God has deeper level of understanding everyone pain, love, and joy. Give this to God, it’s very easy to say & hard to do.
You need company, surround yourself with people. There are grief specialists/ therapists, and as an alcoholic with a long career in drinking I beg you to not turn to alcohol or hardcore drugs. You will lose your business, your family, your health, your freedoms and ultimately your life. You know that’s not what your brother wants for you. It is normal to grief, but it’s a process. Please reach out for help. There are people trained to help you.