a lot of identity issues with myself since i’m mixed

wanna preface by saying i have curly hair, 3b/3c. i’m half black and half white.

i went to a mostly white/ white hispanic school for about 2 years and embraced my curls. i would get teased for looking mixed & even a guy called me the hard r after i rejected him. i went to online school bc of credit recovery reasons which i ended up staying in for more than i expected bc of my mental health detoriating. i ended up straightening my hair out of convenience bc it was easier to braid/easier to style, & i started posting online a few months later. & i started noticing people deadass thought i wasnt black, everybody assumed i was non black latina and or native american. i went to school for my senior year since i wanted to walk the stage and its basically 80 percent black. they literally all dont think i’m black and one time when i was in the bathroom two black girls were speaking to me in babyish? english? if that makes sense and i responded in perfect english and they started laughing and calling each other racist . it felt like they were making fun of me & the black girls dont rlly talk to me which kind of sucks bc at my old school i only rlly hung out around black/mixed kids since we were the only ones there and now im just excluded. i would always make fun of mixed kids who said “i feel like i dont fit in anywhere” but this is deadass the first time in my life ive ever felt like this as corny as it sounds. i wanna start wearing my hair curly but i know im not doing it bc i like it curly, im just doing it bc i wanna feel and be included again.

i remember telling my ex that i dont even feel black despite the amount of shit and racism i went through bc of the way i’m treated now. but i dont feel white either. idrk what i am and i just fit in with nobody.