This went on for five years, and looking back now, it honestly feels like I lost my mind over him.
There was this guy I used to hook up with, and truthfully, it was the best sex I’ve ever had. I caught feelings and wanted more, but he just led me on. Even after I got into a relationship, he’d hit me up…especially when he felt lonely and I’d respond. Sometimes I’d tell him off, but deep down, I kept fantasizing about him because the sex with my boyfriend wasn’t fulfilling.
I’d often find myself masturbating to old videos we made. But as time went on, I started to feel guilty…especially the longer I stayed with my boyfriend. So I deleted them. Still, I couldn’t fully let go. I’d fantasize about him and touch myself just thinking about the idea of us.
It didn’t help that I was stalking him on social media. I’d block and unblock him just to check what he was doing. It became a toxic loop. My limerence finally ended when he messaged me again, and I told the truth: he only reaches out when he thinks I’m single and wants to hook up. I called him out intentionally, hoping he’d get pissed and block me because I knew I had no self-control.
it worked. He did block me, and I feel free.
Comments
What made him the best sex you’ve had?
Wait, but how long ago was that? Because if he blocked you, let’s say, last week or last month, you may be still hooked
TIL what limerence means
Scary that you are dating a girl and she is constantly having fantasies about someone else, shit is bad out there
The real question is how long were you dating someone else while actively obsessed with someone else
I take it you didn’t tell your bf about it? what made the sex so good?
chatgpt post
Kinda messed up for your bf
So you cheated…and are still thinking about the guy. And you’re in a relationship now. If your partner knew this they wouldn’t want to be with you, andd I doubt they know.
I think the kindest thing you can do is break up and tell them at least half the truth – you’re still hung up on an ex and can’t give them 100%. Get a therapist. Actually do the work. Dissect why this is something you want.
Im 100% sure youre gonna have a far harder time actually doing the work than breaking up. So if you aren’t able to set them free, you probably arent ready to address your mental health either.
This person has broken you down into a plaything and that being enough for you isn’t normal. Taking on a good partner with no intention to give them 100% isnt normal. Cheating, even emotionally (doubt) isnt normal, just on here.
The only person who can change that is you.
Talk to your bf and work to improve sex with him together.
If I was your BF I’d want to know so that I could leave you for thirsting over previous partners.
Put yourself in their shoes.
You’re not free until you forget about him. He can always unblock when he gets horny again. He has the control over you as long as you keep letting it
Don’t let him live rent free in your mind.
So did you talk to your BF to let him know what you like so you could work to have the amazing sex again with him?
Happy you broke the cycle OP. I am going through something similar; woman I’ve dated off and on for a few years split again, this time for good. Other relationships haven’t worked out because sex with her was just so amazing. I pray I can finally break free 😂. One thing I don’t do however is ever fantasize about or look at picture of her. I know that just isn’t healthy.
the emotional cheating aside… i would like to suggest having a conversation with your partner about your sexual desires. see if y’all have any kinks/fantasies and what you’re both willing to try.
that is, after you have told him the things you have been doing behind his back. if he decides to stay, have that conversation. if he leaves, then i suppose you’re free to find the next best sex of your life.
in all seriousness, you need to communicate. tell the next man what the fuck you want, if this guy ends up jumping ship (wouldn’t blame him tbh). it’s that simple
Some people can’t think of anyone but themselves, it’s shitty to think you know the person and trust them.
Yea you never forget the best sex with someone… You just can’t keep dwelling in it. That shit will eat you up and spit you out. Plus you will never know what’s out there until you do and worse you could be with someone good but you let that f**k it up. I mean i feel ya i really do but man trust me ya gotta let that shit go.
At least you fantasize about things you’ve done.
Now imagine fantasizing about things you haven’t done.
You don’t deserve your boyfriend. You seem like a shitty person.
You need therapy like yesterday
I feel bad for your boyfriend. Hope he doesn’t think you’re wife material. Honestly, you should just end it so he can get with someone else
Edit for typo
I have an ex who has given me the best sex I’ve ever had. We will go 1.5-2 hrs. It’s crazy how he doesn’t slow down.
However similarly, we’re not together anymore because he’s not the right person for me (and vice versa), though I used to obsessively check our messages.
We would text to have sex and then it turned into just regular chatting but I would push his buttons because I wanted him to admit he still has feelings for me (which I’m pretty sure he does).
The breaking point was when I asked him for sex and he said he was busy….I said I’d just go have sex with someone else if he didn’t. He called me on it and now we just don’t talk.
Oh I unfollowed him on all socials…. But I’m also single
If it weren’t a completely false story, it would be a very sad story for the poor boyfriend.
This is what dudes mean when they talk about Alpha Widows
I can understand tantalizing sex but I can’t understand the obsession when in a committed relationship. Unfulfilling sex is so correctable and coaching in my opinion makes it fun to learn how to drive your partner crazy is the best. Keep this in mind OP I think your sexual lense could use some adjusting when placing your desire.
This is emotional cheating. You obviously aren’t as in love with your boyfriend as you think you are if you’re doing this sort of stuff. Break up with him so he can find someone who actually values him because clearly you don’t.
What was so good about it? Did he have a robe and wizard hat?
Alpha widow
Eszter, is you?
Some wihmen scare me ngl
Now imagine how shitty your current boyfriend would feel if you told him the truth. The reaction on his face. The sadness. The endless pain that he wasn’t and will never be enough. Why bother dating your bf or being with him. Because he’s a good guy? Because you love him? BS. If you truly loved him you wouldn’t fantasize so damn much about an old flame from 5 years ago. Heck, you shouldn’t even be in a relationship with another dude because you clearly have feelings for him. If this old flame came back one day and say he’s sorry and would seriously date you, you would drop your current boyfriend for him.
it took me awhile to figure out that the “butterflies in my stomach” feeling could also be a reaction to something awful, like a warning.
I dated a dude for about a year (six months too long, tbh) because he worshiped my body. Like, he went down on me daily with reverence and spoke sweet and dirty things in his native language while rearranging my guts.
He was toxic and insane and the sex was SO GOOD that I ignored the red flags he had all over his personality. 38yo and your mom has a key to your house so she can stock your fridge once a week because her “baby needs someone to take care of him”? Retired Army Ranger that’s always looking for a fight? …nah.
It’s been years. I still think about it from time to time.
If you both keep going back, seems odd you dont find a way to make it work.
But then, i also understand that.
Relationships are hard, love is even harder.
Good luck to you fellow human.
No way women throw away healthy relationship because of a random guy who can dick her down. What’s wrong with this generation
Cool
Poor boyfriend.
This is me fr. Used to hook up with my ex. We dated less than a year but hooked up for 3 years. She got a girlfriend and stopped seeing me. They celebrated their anniversary a moth ago, and I still have feelings for him and he’s still the best sex of my life.
Sad for the boyfriend.
thats cheating
Girl what the hell , your poor poor boyfriend. Break up with the poor guy for fucks sake
Some people can get a hold on you.
Dickmatized, I feel you queen
C’mon Shirley, let it go.. I told you I was married.
Girl I hope your bf dumps you cause you crazy
Your poor boyfriend.
My fiancé only stayed with me because the sex was good. 8 years! She never really loved me.
Fucking vile
If you actually felt guilty, you would dump your boyfriend to spare him the misery of being strung along while you deal with this crap. I’ve got no sympathy for you.
okie dokie
Teach your boyfriend. Sex is a skill. It can be honed
☕ moment
Some dudes have all the luck
Bullshit
Damn this sucks for the boyfriend
You don’t deserve to date
you sound like a piece of shit ngl
What will happens when he unblocks you?
What’s sad is how often this happens. So many people are alpha widowed and fantasize about “the best sex ever” or “the one that got away” while being in relationships with people they settled for.
Is his name Lonnie?
Jenn, dis you?
Poor boyfriend, hope he finds better
You’re not free, you only feel it because of him blocking you, but you still relay on HIS willing. If tomorrow he unblocks you and ask you for sex, you will go for it and you actively know it.
Besides, if your BF doesn’t fulfill your desires, you should tell him (also about the infidelity) and find a solution or either break up. Nobody deserves to be lied. You won’t find peace with yourself unless you take accountability of your actions.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Some of you just need to grow up. I still remember the good sex that I’ve had fondly because why wouldn’t I?
It was a great time. I could probably make a top 5 list. Im pretty sure Im in someone elses top 5 list.
Why does every memory of an ex need to be negative? At one point, you liked or even loved that person. And you had good times, did fun things, laughed together.
Those are memories. Nothing stops you from having memories, and why would you want to only focus on the bad.
And people making this a gender thing are just strange. Have you not had good sex before?
It’s not a big deal OP eventually this will pass like the rest of your feelings. It won’t be as intense, and you’ll just smile about it on the very rare instance it pops into your head.
Sex is like air; it doesn’t matter unless you’re not getting any
I Fully understand my opinion doesnt matter but, Im noticing that alot of people here are asking OP how she could be fantasizing about another person while with their partner. It seems most dont understand the human ability to do bad things to satisfy the flesh and can still love someone fully at the same time. Humans are fully capable of loving more than one person at a time. Much less having sexual desire for more than one partner. Hence why most people have a multitude of sexual partners and love interests in their lives. Im not in any way condoning cheating, but try to understand we are human and can fall victim to our desires. So give OP some slack for her honesty.
You’re not being fair to your bf.
If this isn’t fake you’re weird af and a horrible person for staying with your boyfriend idc about reddit downvotes
Whatever he did that you liked so much, can’t you try to teach your bf it? (Without telling him anything, of course).
Bad person for dating someone and lusting after someone else, gutter behavior.
I normally don’t chime in in these type of posts but what I will say is that your feelings are normal. Every now and then a person connects with another on a certain level and you won’t ever forget it. Take my buddy that ai met while deployed in the Army. We grew close fast. He was in another unit but I was around him often. I ended up leaving the country before he did and we NEVER EVER not talked. We always stayed in touch many years later. Suddenly I never heard from him again until I did a Google search and learned that he committed suicide. Tore me up. He was my buddy and I connected with him on a deep level about our lives how we grew up, things we struggled with, and what we desired out of life. It’s also happened with women as well. You just connect with some people sexually and they fit you like a glove…..fit so well that you think in a million years you’d never find someone that would connect with you on a sexual level like that. Things don’t work out for whatever reason so you part your ways. You move on and date other people but in many ways, the deepest connection you can have with someone is through sex, especially if the sex touched your very soul. You may be with a person currently and that person you really might truly love but the sex isn’t on that same level as the previous partner. Trust me. I know the feeling but if I were you, I would take a VERY LONG sabbatical and starve myself from sex and relationships all together. 1. To prevent yourself from hurting other people. 2. To heal from and cleanse yourself from the spirit of someone else. Trust me….it is a spirit. We are not just flesh and blood humans. I can prove this: during sex you may think or even say “I’M CUMMING!” You don’t say “I’m going” and the reason why is if you’re “going” somewhere, that doesn’t mean wherever you’re “going” someone will be there but if you’re COMING somewhere, then by definition someone or something is already there waiting for you. May sound crazy but if, for an example, I tell someone over the phone that I’M COMING then that means that they are already there. So during sex when someone makes you cum, their “spirit” already there waiting for you. Deep stuff huh? You really need to cleanse yourself from him but to be honest…its hard and you don’t want to. You desire to continue to feel those incredible feelings. I get it but make the tough decision and do the work. Blessings to you my friend!
Plot twist— this is a dude pretending to be a woman making up a fake story that never happened.
Why the fuck are people so sex obsessed? 8 of the ten posts I just saw are about sex. Maybe learn to appreciate life apart from sex. What are you gaining by not allowing yourself to move on?
Felicidades que bueno que te sientas así de libre y que rompieras esos ciclos.
I’m sorry i never called.
What a pointless story
this bitch is mentally ill you need help
One thing that a lot of people don’t think about in relationships or feel bad about if it’s not compatible… is sexual compatibility. They can treat you right and be all the other things you need, but if they don’t give you what you need in bed… it’s not going to work in the long run. Good news is that being open minded and being willing to try new things or really listening to your partner without being weird of shy about it can open this up for both of you. You can learn to be the best they have ever had.
OP is the kind of woman men pray they never meet.
I wish my ex felt Thai way but instead she felt Thai way about skmebody else while with me
posts like this all the time and YET people continue to act like bodycount is completely ridiculous to care about
Intersting
Hell yeah get the dick
Don’t understand reading comprehension but yet, but you deleted your comment and left.
Was it because he had a massive dick?
Maybe you should look for someone who doesn’t make you feel lonely.
Well as long as you learned your lesson in hindsight, and hopefully now you know that it’s not fair to your bf for you to be obsessed with someone else while dating him.
Guilty I’m on the same boat I miss and love him.
nice story chat gtp
You’re a good writer!
I want you to go out and find yourself another mad love affair that curls your toes so you can come write about it.
You’re going to have several of these throughout your life. Now go out and get another one!
I had someone like that… would text or call when single or lonely and ghost me the rest of the time. I thought the sex was great but now, so many years later I realize it wasn’t the best. Have had better since then.
Great way to treat your boyfriend. Hope you get the same treatment in kind.
You should be okay with it, after all. It’s exactly what you would do, so how could you possibly judge?
Firstly, you need to leave anyone who you’re currently with because you clearly have issues. If it took your ex hook up to block you to set you ‘free’, it means without the block from his side, you would’ve continued to be obsessed with him.
It’s insane how people like you enter relationships knowing you’re not fully over someone else. Go fuck yourself.
You couldn’t do it yourself and he had to do it for you, that’s not free. The cycle will start again when he unblocks you one day when he’s bored. Work on yourself.
This sounds obsessive, and not good for the mental health. Honestly tho, not many people end up married to or dating the best sex they have ever had, for one reason or another. Fantasizing about someone from the past is kinda bad, but as long as you’re not acting out on it, I say proceed. As long as you can still enjoy sex with your current partner, I don’t see the harm. It sounds like you might just need more from the current partner to make it better
Me and my wife are old hoes tho. We both had a decent amount of sex before we met each other. We both agree that we have amazing sex together. It’s awesome. I don’t spend time thinking about if I’m the best or not, cuz we are just having sex with each other and enjoying it. I just hope I’m in her top 5, realistically 🤣
*Edit – And I don’t worry about what she thinks about when she masturbates. That’s her time.
Overall, sex is important. I feel like staying in a relationship where the sex isn’t good isn’t healthy. I mean if there is kids involved, you might have to work harder to make it better, to have longevity. But personally, as a dude, I would tell anyone, man or woman, that being in a long term relationship where the sex isn’t great is a bad idea. Unless you plan on making it better somehow.
These comments are crazy. They never cheated on the boyfriend, and already said they felt guilty about fantasizing about the other guy and couldn’t stop it even though they wanted to.
Then, they took measures to make sure the guy would block them, and they feel better now.
Why try to shame OP more? Yall rude asf for no reason
With no respect at all, what a freaking b*itch. I hope your bf leaves you as soon as possible, imagine dating someone like that, holy shit, i feel so bad for the guy to be stuck with a girl who watches sextapes of her and her ex just to masturbate beacuse her vagina aches for him, then be with him and leave the poor guy alone.
You’re a genuinely terrible person and I hope your boyfriend leaves you for someone else who deserves him because holy shit you suck
“limerence”.. girl you got dickmatized. Shit happens lol.
You’re welcome,now don’t make me unblock you. 😂