i feel numb, i think i will probably cry later today but idk what to do. today is my best friends 21st birthday. she died in march before her 20th. i am really sad, and i don’t know what i should do to commemorate her. she was so creative and loved to make things, she was also so good at tattoos. i wanted to finally get my memorial tattoo for her but im still broke. i was thinking maybe you guys can help me figure out what to do. because i really want to do something for her but i dont know what.
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I think a tattoo is a great idea when you can afford a good artist. Nothing worse than something with so much meaning to be completely fucked because you went to some garage uncle.
Really you do what feels right for your grief today. It’s ok to just have a day to cry and do nothing. It’s ok to do something to celebrate her. There isn’t a wrong answer so at least don’t fear that because today might be her birthday but it is for you.
When my bestie died that first year I was pretty paralyzed to be honest so I didn’t do anything but wallow. We used to live far from each other so we’d explore halfway between us cities and our goal was to find the most beautiful view in every place. I moved away from that state and have slowly wanted to go back to those places. Last year was the first time I went to visit one of those views with my partner, just to feel a spot where they stood. It’s simple, but it was what meant most to our friendship. Maybe there’s something like that that you can go to, go eat something that was your guys thing?
This is a really hard day, and I’m sorry you lost your friend. Is there a favorite spot that you liked to go to? A park, shop, or restaurant? Any favorite songs or music you used to share? Play y’all’s favorite music, if you’re not driving, toast her 21st birthday with some champagne or your favorite shared drink. Cry a lot, laugh a lot, and focus on the fun times and the best things you did together. If you are a friend with her parents, give them a call today and let them know you’re thinking of them too, maybe share a fun memory of her. Sending mom ((hugs)).
You do whatever you wanna you and whatever you come up with, is fine and okay.
Grief is a complicated beast, that’s tricky and likes to sneak up on us on certain days, because those days have meaning and meant something to us. Sometimes we just gotta feel those feels, you know. Feeling down, sad, upset, doesn’t make you weak at all, it does make you human though. So whatever feels right to you is what you do.
If you wanna just get through this tricky day, that’s fine. If you wanna sit and chill out and remember your friend at the end of the day, that’s fine. If you wanna do something else, do it. It’s all good.
If you were close to your friends family maybe send them a message, they’d probably like to know that someone else is thinking of their daughter to.
If she was a creative soul, maybe make something. Doesn’t matter what, doesn’t have to be perfect. Silly is fine. Just do your own thing.
When the feels hit me, I often like sit on my back door step and look up at the sky for a little bit. Say a little hello and have a little wee chat to whoever I’m missing on that particular day. Update them a little bit about stuff. It’s a just a little moment, but it’s fine and normal. Gets me through. So find your thing and there’s no shame, it’s not dumb, it’s not stupid. Just gotta feel those feels.
Sending you big hugs. Chin up, because you got this and it will be okay. Peace and love and magical hats!
OP, I first want to say, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope your pain eases soon.
I have been in your exact situation, I lost a very close friend in high school, back in 2009. I was shattered, and wasn’t okay for a long time.
The best thing to do, would be to do something that makes you happy. What were things you and you friend did together? You could make a photo collage, or create a bracelet with all your friend’s favorite colors. Go to a place you both liked. Get your friend’s favorite drink/treat and enjoy it while you remember the great moments you had together.
Some of these might make you sad, because your friend is no longer here. But you’ll always have your memories of them, and they’ll always be in your heart ❤.
Eventually your heart will stop hurting when you think of them, and you’ll be able to smile without tears at their memory.
Sending you so much love in your time of grieving, OP. ❤❤
If you know the parents, reach out. I promise you’ll all be glad you did.
Maybe do something you enjoyed together, eat her favorite foods, or…nothing at all for some folks there is no right way to observe these special days.
I like the observe the day by looking at my favorite photos of the person, I have notes in my phone of my favorite things about the person and favorite memories. If it’s feasible, I’ll eat at their favorite restaurant or go somewhere we used to enjoy going together.
Sorry you lost your best friend. If you drink go to a restaurant that serves pieces of cake.
Have a drink and a piece of cake. Remember the great times you had together.
Is there a particular food she liked to eat or a restaurant she liked to eat at? Maybe you can do that today to remember her. I used to make my mom’s favorite cookies on her bday.
Do you have other mutual friends – maybe y’all could get together to share happy memories of your friend?
Do something, some sort of good deed in honor of your friend. Donate to a cause she felt strongly about.
Buy a single cupcake and when you get home, okay some music she liked.
If she was close to another friend, or to her family, give them a call. They are going to be having a sad day, too.
In Asia, you can still hold birth and or death anniversaries for the deceased as a memorial event. Maybe try inkbox and get temporary custom tattoo to test out some designs, or try with henna ink.
Grief is really weird and hard. Let yourself be sad, happy, any emotion you experience today is okay. Something that’s helped me with grief is having plans on their birthday, going to a place they loved, a type of food they liked, even just listening to music or setting time off to think about things. You could write her a letter telling her about how you celebrate her or your favorite memories. You can try to engage in a hobby she loved even tho you might suck at it. This is a day where you get to engage as much as you want with the memory of your friend. If she has a grave you can get to, draw on a rock, put a letter there, light a candle, get her a can of something she loved. There’s so many things you can do and I think you know best what you need to do <3 another idea is making or buying a pair of something where you can keep one of them for yourself. For the tattoo I am also waiting for the right time, budget and artist for a memorial tattoo, take your time to figure that out too there’s no deadline. Best of wishes to you <3
When I’m feeling down over friendships past, I like to go sit where I used to sit with them and just think.