Inappropriate around sister

TW: mention of CSA

Hey,

I’ve been triggered by a friend’s (19F) behavior. We were swimming in the pool with my little sister (10). Sister asked how to swim like a mermaid. She answered spread your arms. When she was further, she whispered ‘and legs to me’. I felt uncomfortable.

When I called it out at the moment, she said sorry and she didn’t mean it as an innuendo. I said the whisper was still weird. She then said she doesn’t know what else she was supposed to say. That my mind is in a gutter and she’s just an awkward person and I sensed some embarrassment so I let it go.

At another time, my sister said “I’m gonna draw some big, juicy… apples”. She said “Oops. I got scared that she was about to say something else’. I felt triggered but didn’t say anything.

She also watched a video that heavily triggered me. It was a graphic video (not too loud) about CSA. The person was reading the script of a conversation between 2 child rapists. There was a very graphic sentence she repeated, laughing. I said I couldn’t listen and that it was disgusting. She said ew then scrolled. All 3 of us were sharing a bed. I asked my sister if she understood. She said no.

She told me our mutual friend’s brother tried to assault her in her teen years (5 years ago). I don’t know if that’s affecting her perspective.

Yesterday, I texted her that I wouldn’t tolerate any inappropriate comments or material around her anymore. She said she was sorry and didn’t think it. She understood that my first role is to protect her. And that it wasn’t her intention to hurt her.

I feel like a horrendous sister still talking to her. Maybe I’m reading too much into this. But my mind keeps going “did she sexualize her?”, “did she harm her?”. It’s a constant loop.