Hello guys
I’m in a really rough spot here so please, comments like ‘just dump her’ don’t help too much.
So I’ve(27m)been with my gf(28f) for the past 3.5 years and we’re living together for over 2 years.
I’m far from happy and she knows that. I feel like we’re not compatible, and that’s not the life I want. She picks fights with me over some dumb shit and they escalate to places I’d never want to go and gets terrible sides from both of us, while I’m not perfect I feel like she’s being very disrespectful to me and it makes me react in a certain way which causes a huge mess. She says it’s always my fault (not sometimes, always. Makes perfect sense ) but at this point I don’t care whose fault it is I just don’t want this kind of life for me.
I’ve tried breaking up multiple times, each time she emotionally manipulates and guilt trips me into staying, so one time I’ve decide I’m firm on this, and I insisted. I’ve even left the house and she called me back so I came, she kept using all kinds of tactics (being super mean, being super nice, being funny, cursing at me, guilt tripping… everything) and at some point after 5 hours of me trying to leave I gave in because I simply got frustrated and wanted it to end, so I stayed. Now each time I told her fuck this I’m going as soon as I reach the door she’s like – but I’m talking to you how would you disrespect me like that by going away in a middle of a sentence? And at some point you just give up. I just wanted it to end at any price.
A few days ago she had her sisters birthday party. She got dressed up and wore a dress, which she knows I wouldn’t like(too revealing imo) because she knows me but I never tell her anything about what she wears since she can do whatever she want and I’m not trying to control nobody.
So she wakes me up to get ready(worked a night shift) I compliment her that she looks beautiful, she smiles says thank you and I get dressed too. At some point she’s like ‘why are you looking at me like that?’, I was confused and asking her if I wasn’t allowed to look? She proceeds and says I was looking at her in a weird way which I wasn’t. I said I didn’t and we went outside towards the car while she’s giving me an attitude on the way.
At some point she brings it up again or I bring it up again, I don’t remember exactly and I explain to her that I didn’t look at her in any way, and if somehow I did I barely just woke up 10 minutes ago and it definitely wasn’t in a bad way of something, asking her why does she have to make a fuss out of anything ?
She gets pissed and says ‘because I want to. I do what I want’
I get pissed off too, I don’t answer we get into the car and I slam my car door. She says she’s not going with me and that I should stay at home, takes her car and goes.
Few hours later she comes home, saying that it’s my fault and I ruined the party for her and shit. I kept saying she made up some drama out of the blue and I did nothing wrong. Apparently she got upset at me saying she makes a fuss out of everything, which is kind of funny to me and I said that that’s true.
One thing leads to another, we have an argument and at some point I’m saying to her that that’s not the life I want and I want to break up. A quick disclaimer, I’ve spoke to her about us fighting multiple times over the past year, saying that that’s not something I’ll tolerate and I can’t have these crazy fights in my life. I don’t have problems with arguments but full blown fights when we yell scream and disrespect each other is not something I’m willing to have in my life, no matter whose fault it is. Even if I’m in the wrong it’s not something I want to be a part of.
Also 2 months ago we again had a huge fight because she wanted to get married and I didn’t, she basically made me commit to her that we try for 2 months to not fight and if it works I purpose(which is absurd ), obviously it didn’t work as we had multiple full blown crazy fights during that time.
Anyway, that’s when all hell broke loose. I’ve faced everything. Guilt tripping, yelling, screaming, talking shit about my family(you’re a piece of shit that runs in your genes), go back to your parents house, go back to the shithole you came from… cursing at me, what not. At some point I left the house and she called me apologising, then saying I can’t do it, that I have to get back home and change myself for her(crazy lol) , saying that she’s the one whose supposed to break up with me and she’s fed up (to which I answered great do it then!!! Please!!!) and that I have no right to break up with her, all while I’m telling her that I’m not going to do it and for me it’s over, while also saying I don’t want to engage in this conversation ( her answer – I don’t care you have to) and I didn’t have the balls to hang up on her.
At some point I did come home just because I got frustrated, I just wanted it to stop. I came home she all hugs me and shit laying on top of me saying she has an idea how to fix our relationship, what is the idea you asking? ‘Let’s get married tomorrow!’
Of course I refused, we fought more argued more, at some point I laid in my bed just crying out of frustration, throwing up out of stress all while saying that I’m not willing go stay in that relationship, and she’s making me a prisoner, that I’d rather die than live like that(that’s the truth) she simply doesn’t care. She wants to get married at any price.
Shits been going for over 6-7 hours. Pure torture. She tried being good too saying she’d make me happy and shit. Fuck that.
At some point I gave in. She offered that we try leaving the house when an argument escalates (crazy huh, instead of communicating ) and talk later. At first I didn’t want but at some point I just gave in and said fine. I just wanted this shit to be over with. No matter what I said or did it didn’t help. I’m for real thinking that if it’s either that or die, I have my answer because what’s the point of living a miserable life?
The funny thing is she does all that why? Because she’s 28 and she doesn’t want to start a relationship from scratch. She wants to be married with kids at her age and she knows that with someone else it’ll take more time so it’s easier for her to pressure me to it. Fucked up shit.
How the hell do I get out? How ?
TL;DR: gf basically forces me to stay in my relationship even though I said firmly I don’t want to.