Hey everyone,
I (23F) have been talking seeing this guy (23M) since 4 months and I’m feeling really conflicted about where things are going.
At the start, he was the one initiating most of the plans. I always reciprocated and also put effort into suggesting places, so it felt equal between us. We would talk throughout the day, but I noticed I was usually the one bringing up deeper conversations. He doesn’t seem like the “deep talk” type, so I let that slide.
Recently though, things started to feel different:
He began making last-minute plans, sometimes after saying he had other plans. It makes me feel like I’m just a backup option.
He’s started bringing up plans late at night (like 10:30pm), which doesn’t feel like much effort.
His replies have gotten slower and less engaging compared to how he was before.
I feel like I’m doing more of the emotional/mental effort now.
All of this was weighing on me, so I finally confronted him and told him I didn’t want to be in a relationship if things kept feeling this way. He immediately told me that he always wanted me to be his girlfriend and that he wanted something serious from the start.
Recently I sent some dish for him and he didn’t reacted much I mean i was expecting a lil thanks nvm.
But here’s the confusing part: I asked him why he never just told me straight up that he wanted to be with me. Because earlier, I had asked him if he wanted something casual or serious, and he said “serious.” So I gave him space, thinking he might need time to be sure. This time, I confronted him more directly, and he said it should have been obvious from his actions and hints that he wanted a relationship. He even said I should have asked him out, not the other way around.
Now I’m stuck wondering:
If he really wants something serious, why didn’t he ever just say it clearly instead of expecting me to assume?
Are his recent changes in effort a red flag, or is this just how some people are?
Am I being too demanding by expecting clearer communication and more consistency?
Do I risk staying in something that might not be meant to be?
I’m not sure if he’s genuinely into me but just expresses it differently, or if I’m ignoring signs that he isn’t putting in equal effort. I don’t want to end up investing in something one-sided.
TL;DR: At first, he initiated plans and effort felt equal. Lately, his effort feels lower (last-minute/late-night plans, slower replies, no deep convos). I confronted him and he said he’s always wanted me to be his girlfriend, but claims I should have asked him out and it should’ve been “obvious” from his hints. Now I’m confused if he’s really serious or if I deserve more consistent effort.