Basically just that. My MIL has spent no more than an hour at a time, maybe 10 times with us since our son was born in December 2024. But she is ALWAYS insisting on being alone with him. Her latest tactic was to take his stroller and disappear. We were panicked until we saw her in the driveway. She claimed our house had mold and he needed fresh air.
Her latest scheme is to convince me to leave my 7 month old with her FOR A WEEK while I go to a conferenceā¦ a conference that he is welcome at! My plan is to fly out with him, and also visit family who lives in the area. She wants me to leave him alone with her for a week.
First of all – NEVER.
Second of all – If I for some reason couldnāt bring him, why isnāt her son, MY HUSBAND AND THE BABYāS FATHER, able to watch him? š¤ Why would he need to go to her house TWO HOURS AWAY for a week?
Idc who you are, itās ALWAYS a red flag when someone is obsessed with getting your child alone.
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The only people who NEED to be alone with an infant/child are the infant/childās PARENTS. Anyone trying to scheme for alone time gets time, alright – A TIME OUT.
It seems to be terrifyingly common too from this forum. Thank God for the age of information, it’s just sickening to imagine how this is the stated goal of so many MIL : “alone time with baby”.
Lady if you can’t articulate in front of others what you want to do alone with the baby you can’t around others you should never be alone with a kid, ever.
This is so strange to me. I was only ever alone with my grandparents one time when I was 12. We had a great relationship but most of our time together was when the rest of the family was there too.
I donāt think most ILs are trying to do anything insidious with the baby, but then, why??? Why do you need to spend time alone with your grandchild? For my MIL, whoās from a different culture than I am, I feel like she wants to steer my child away from my heritage. Which is mean and idiotic since my baby is already going to be brought up in MILās country. I also feel like she will try to make my baby like her more than me. Not saying itāll work, but I think these are her main goals.
Wow, that’s scary! She sounds unhinged… Glad to hear that you and your husband are on top of this.
She doesnāt want the other family members to bond with the baby. Yuck. She has her son. Itās your turn now.
My MIL is the same – every time she visits/we visit/we mention plans she makes up 800 scenarios where she could babysit and we could āfinally have a breakā when
I donāt want a break from my baby and
If I did, I certainly wouldnāt be handing him over to her! Iād be MORE stressed out.
Iām so over it.
I never wanted to be alone with my grands out of fear they’d poop or projectile vomit š I had my share and didn’t want that! If I were asked, sure I’d deal with it. They’re all older now and all but 2 are potty trained, so I don’t mind babysitting.
This is happening to me too. In laws want me to leave baby with them and go out for our first wedding anniversary this weekend. My baby is only 2 weeks old
Yeah my MIL was like this too. I never let her babysit either
My MIL asked my husband and I to go on a walk when I was like less than a week postpartum and in a diaper. I was like, “are you kidding me? No.” And she never tried me again. She tried to get my husband to force me to drop our son off for the day with her when he was working out of state and I had gone NC with her. She delulu
Edit add that i was asked to go on the walk not just my husband lol
It really is! I unfortunately had to miss my younger brotherās childfree wedding because I didnāt want my MIL to be alone with my baby.
Yikes. Sorry youāre dealing with all that. Sounds like your MIL is a walking red flag parade.
š I wish I knew this earlier. But I was ignoring alarm bells going off in my head and my literal panic attacks, now that I know, toxic mil wonāt have access to my baby ever.
I get the impression many of these MILs want alone time with the baby because they know they were creepy parents, and if they are trusted with the grandchild itās āproofā they werenāt so bad after all. Another possibility is they find it comforting to cuddle babies – for their own needs, not the babyās. Take a look online at the market for hyper-realistic baby dolls, including videos of women with dementia holding them and caressing them in nursing homes. Itās creepy. Lastly, it gives them bragging rights with their peers: āI helped my DIL look after her baby and watched him for three hours!ā Iām basing the latter assumption on having to spend much of my precious weekend time sitting through long, dull dinners with MIL and my family at the retirement home – really had the sense she was scoring big points compared to her peers based on the envious looks from the other women there.
One small correction, one of my pet peeves: your husband would not āwatchā him. He would be parenting him, just like you would.
āWatchā implies itās not his child, not his responsibility, as if he were a babysitter, friend or family member doing you a favor.
Iām a very active Godmother and I hope to someday be a grandma. However, Iāve learned something about myself in being a Godmother. Things have changed so much since I had my kids. I am happy to cook, wash dishes, do laundry, and so forth but I had no desire to be alone with my Goddaughter until sheās older and can talk to me. I worry about the fact that sheās so tiny and helpless. I donāt mind keeping her while her mom and dad nap or go out for a walk. Her time as a baby is so short and I donāt want to take a moment of it by taking her away from her parents. I love to read to her and play with her but Iām very nervous about keeping her by myself until sheās old enough to tell me if sheās hungry, feeling bad, and so forth. Iām gobsmacked by the number of Grandparents who think that a grandchild is community property. I look forward to making a bunch of memories with my Goddaughter when sheās older. However, at this point in her life, I will do whatever her folks need me to do to make their lives easier.
My MIL wanted DH and I to go away for a weekend because āit would be nice for us to have alone timeā and to leave my 6 month old baby with her. She got told in no uncertain terms it was never going to happen. Tell me again and sheād never see the baby again. She cried lol. Fake alligator tears that didnāt work. We get plenty of alone time and donāt need you stepping in. Freaked me out lol.
CC CBC
My MIL was talking to me about sleepovers when my son was 11 months old when we were sitting down, trying to have a conversation about the way she disrespected me. She was rolling her eyes and speaking to me in a condescending and sarcasm manner, but then brought up sleepovers. Delulu.
I remember when we finally gave the okay to my IL to visit when my oldest was 6ish weeks old. MIL tried so hard to get my hubby and I to leave baby with them for several hours. HELLLLLLLL NO!
Nope no nope no. My in-laws always try to pull that shit, my family never. Itās just NO!
Sheās lucky she still has any contact with your baby after she kicked up a fuss while trying to crash the delivery, accused you of grandparent alienation, and threatened legal action to have visitation.
The lengths some people go to play do over baby is unreal.
This is really dependent on the relationship and family dynamic. I don’t think sweeping generalizations are helpful.
Yeahm from what I have seen, the MIL’s who want along time with the kids, always seem like they treat them as their do-over babies.
The last time my MIL got to babysit alone was before my baby was teething and she argued with me that she would be putting whisky on her gums. Husband and I said no you will not and we were laughed at. That ended that. š¤·āāļø. Even now I can’t leave my now elementary aged kid alone with MIL or FIL because, while I do believe they try, they don’t understand how food allergies work. Kid’s allergies are life threatening, carry an epi level of serious. We cannot play with that. Not worth the risk to avoid the whining. (To be clear, they used to scoff at us about this too, but finally figured out we meant business even if they didn’t “believe in” it.)
Agreed that it’s a red flag ESPECIALLY if the person keeps insisting on it.
I once argued with my MIL why she couldn’t just watch my daughter at my place instead and she said she couldn’t relax at my place. I was thinking: why would a woman need to relax at someone else’s home while they babysit a 4 year old for 2 hours?
Anyway, it always makes me think that they want a do over moment of pretending they have little kids again. They can’t seem to fulfill that fantasy with the parents around or at someone else’s house.
Oof. People like your MIL are the reason parents say āNo overnight stays until LO is old enough to independently phone us and tell us how things are going.ā
Maybe she means well, maybe sheās a creep, but the insistence makes me picture her saying āOhhh, was that a boundary you put up there? I didnāt see it and stomped all over itā¦Iām soooo sorry you are upset by that.ā
Issues like these make me glad to be single and child-free. Doting Auntie is just my speed. I swear, I donāt know how all of you manage with your MILs. They may all have different kinds of crazy, but they all have some kind of crazy.
Mine is the same way, and she acts like I’m the problem, of course. I wouldn’t trust her with my cat let alone my child lol
My MIL tried to tell me she was going to watch my son at 8 weeks old, and I said no thank you.
āI will make you leave the houseā
Absolutely fucking not, Iām not comfortable leaving him and itās not a godsdamned debate or democracy. This is my house and you aināt forcing me to do to shit š¤£
my MIL bought an entire pack and play, bed sets, mattresses and pillows, baby clothes, a wipe warmer, a whole bunch of shit for āher nurseryā our baby would be staying at. never happened. now that baby #2 is on the way sheās strapped down on pressing for watching our daughter alone. absolutely never going to happen.
J…b dcczĆ@
The fixation on āsleepoversā seems to be SUCH a common theme on this sub! I always heard the cliche that the beauty of being a grandparent is that you get to love on grandchildren for a few hours and then dump them back with their parents. What do we think this urging to watch grandkids for extended periods of time is about?
Yeah what the hell is with that. My jnmil wouldn’t take a hint that sleepovers weren’t going to happen, so gave us a voucher for an overnight stay at a BnB (youngest was 18mo), jokes on her we gave the kids to my parents, who weren’t obsessive and actually listened to us re: how we parent.
Yes, and no. Depending on context.
If you’re not or barely coping, have a baby that cries a lot and you need a break, sometimes you need someone to insist you should rest and they’ll care for the baby for a bit.
In that scenario, however, it’s not the baby they want, it’s you they want to support.
If someone who is responsible and caring wants a “baby fix”, it’s not always a bad thing. It becomes a bad thing when they’re obsessive about it. But the baby-free time to catch up some sleep and do some chores or chill, while the baby is been taken care of and loved by an aunt or grandparent for example, can be a great thing for everyone involved.
However, if they insist on being alone with the baby all the time, know everything better and (almost) pretend like they are the mother/father of the child or even try to get the baby to live with them, thats a huge red flag. That’s obsessive. That’s creepy and not in anyones best interest.
I agree. Whenever i read that someone has said āi canāt bond with LO unless weāre alone!ā It makes me cringe hard!
Itās creepy af