Pregnancy has been an excuse for my wife’s verbal abuse and my whole family is buying it.

Not really sure what to do about it. I don’t think anybody goes into marriage thinking it’s going to be easy, conflict-free, or carefree. But 2 years ago on my wife developed the habit of yelling, physical freakouts, and microaggressions.

Any mistake I make, or negative emotion I show, is grounds for being screamed at or gaslit. (Ex. Told her I was frustrated that she lied about taking the trash out, and she denied lying about it even after being shown the Ring footage of our conversation.)

I have done all the mental gymnastics in the world to make excuses for her, or tell myself it gets easier, etc.

But we’re bringing a child into the world (not planned) and it’s finally clicked with me that my wife claims to love me, but does not like me, trust me, or respect me.

“Surely it was pregnancy hormones,”I thought. “I’m being unmerciful, ungracious. I can’t possibly understand what she’s going through.”

Fuck that. I’m her husband, not her punching bag.

We dated for 5 years, and have been married for 4. She wasn’t like this. Not even close. I tried to get ahead of the changes. Fought for counseling, fought for medication, fought for community. She wouldn’t give any of it a try for more than 2 weeks.

I normalized and enabled her aggression by convincing myself it was the selfless thing to do. To the point where I started thinking I deserved it.

I finally asked for help this week. From her in-laws (I have a rough family growing up and her family are my closest friends.)

And…. none of them believe me. Not a single one. They’re convinced I am scheming to leave with our daughter early on. I’m not. They’re convinced I’m cheating on her and trying to make her seem at fault for a divorce. I’m not. They’re convinced I want her money and the house. I don’t.

I want my wife back. The one I wanted to raise a family with. The one who saw me as a human being worth loving and treating kindly.

Do I give up, guys? I don’t fucking know.