Last July I got pregnant and we decided to get married fast as we wanted to have a family. I was pregnant and sick, just wanted to get married soon.
Anyway my MIL asked to wear her wedding dress. I was too pregnant and sick to say no or I will think. I just said okay, thinking she is an old woman and has wishes for her only son. I always respect and love her. Few days before my wedding I told my husband I want my own dress I don’t want to wear her old fashion wedding dress. My husband shut me down saying she put lots of effort, you should wear it. I said ok.
Now a year later, I am PP, she never came to help me with my baby never calls me check up on my son. She only cares about her own son. I am having lots of regrets now. I mean it’s every woman’s dream to be a beautiful bride. And I looked awful like a granny on my wedding day. I cannot ever forget and move on
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Can you guys do a vow renewal?
Please try this perspective: you were kind to your MIL. (You had no way to know at that time that she would be an inattentive grandma.)
Changing your mind a few days before the wedding: you might not have found a prettier dress. I’m sure you were radiant, knowing you were starting your family life.
Can you do a vow renewal? Get your dream dress and have a party.
Gently, it seems like MIL asked you to wear it and you said yes. When you actually thought about it and decided you wanted your own dress, your husband shut you down and you agreed. I’m not sure if this is about MIL ruining your wedding, or about your husband not having your back. It’s hard to be put on the spot when you aren’t feeling well, I get it. And it’s also sad to have regrets like this be ignored by your MIL since, especially at a time you need and want support.
I had a crappy “wedding” that was rushed and also had my feelings hurt. It is almost 15 years later and we plan to renew our vows. But my mindset has changed over the years from “i hate how i looked/how things happened” to “we have survived a ton of shit together and the words/experience mean something much deeper”. And if we don’t have a renewel now or ever, I am at peace with everything. Still don’t love the memories but I am at peace. I wish the same for you.
Sounds like your husband ruined the wedding and the start of your marriage. Did he ever apologize? Still a Mama’s boy? How are things now?
Redo your wedding pictures in your dream wedding dress with your son as the ring bearer. No husband, because he should have stuck up for you the first wedding, he doesn’t get redo pics.
You are PP and in the weeds, possibly feel less than great about yourself, and the loving MIL hasn’t lived up to expectations. It’s really hard to tell more about the situation from your post, but I’d very much suggest talking to a friend / health visitor (UK) about feeling low, disappointed, and let down.
Your MIL isn’t supporting you or baby, but sounds like you’re blaming her for wedding day regrets. Logically, changing your mind about the dress with days to go was always going to backfire. Possibly you regret the whole marriage, not just not having had the confidence/support from DH/self esteem to reject the MIL dress from the get-go. Talk to a friend or look for a confidential counsellor, and please be kind to yourself.
Don’t make any decisions while you’re PP, sleep deprived and recovering from pregnancy and birth. The transition you’ve been through this past year is huge. Getting fixated on MIL ruining your wedding isn’t going to help you feel better and live your best life.
I know I may be veering off topic in my response, but hopefully you posted with a view to being open to seeing things from a different perspective.
Very best wishes, and I’m sure your face was radiant on your wedding day.
I have kind of an oddball take, but how about embracing the awful? When anyone asks about it just say it was a shit show and you want to forget about it. Maybe even ceremonially burn any photos. Write out all of the poisonous feelings, anger, everything, and burn those pages as well.
I would suggest you wait until you feel more yourself before doing anything irrevocable, though. It may be that if you just accept that it sucked you’ll begin to find it funny. If your husband has your back and the dress issue was a misstep on his part, it could become an inside joke that you can laugh about together for years to come.
I think that you should find another occasion- your baby’s first birthday, for example- to get another set of photos. Don’t invite your MiL.
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You are not overreacting. A wedding dress is such a personal and meaningful choice, it should’ve been yours, not hers.
Honestly, your MIL sounds selfish. She cared more about her nostalgia than your happiness.
Your husband is the real problem in this specific instance
I think your feelings are completely valid. Regret is normal when you weren’t allowed to choose for yourself.
I’m sorry, but your husband should’ve backed you up. That’s the real red flag here.
You deserve a vow renewal someday. Wear the dress you want, get photos, make new memories.
Yeah… she didn’t want you to be the bride, she wanted to be the bride again. And your husband backed her up. That’s the real problem, not just the ugly dress.
When you have you next wedding with a husband who isn’t a mama’s boy, you can be the sexy bride you want to be.
It honestly sounds like a husbamd problem. Is seems like he prioritzes his mom over you and especially once you have a kid. Your nuclear family should come first. I would for sure not be able to handle my MIL in my life if my husband was not totally on my side and did not see how toxic she is. (Like he is cute and thinks all this is new while i know for a fact she was always a mess but he can stay in denial about his childhood als long as he supports me against her now)
But i also hear a way you are torturing yourself. Why would you want that woman interested in your son? Enjoy her distance and just never engrain eny expectations of a relationship with her in your son. Your kid will be happier with her as emotionally far away from her as possible. I personally would wish my MIL was not interested in my son as i am never gonna leave her alone with him since she sees babies as toys without personalities and i am not gonna expose my precious baby to her toxic crap
There’s literally no reason for you to wear your MIL’s wedding dress. Sometimes women will wear a dress that came from their own mom/family but not their MIL. And your husband sucks for not backing you up. Now you know not to count on her.
This situation was 100% under your control. You agreed, changed your mind and let your husband manipulate you into wearing his mother’s dress.
It’s a weird request, your husband shouldn’t have backed her and you agreed to it all.
I think that for your sake, you need to let this go.
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She asked and you said yes. And it was never your husband’s place to play any role in that choice. Honestly, it’s on you. But, it’s just a single day in your life. The wedding day is fun but the marriage and the family you create is what’s really special….not the dress.
I agree with some of the others. this is on you not her. She offered the dress and you said you your mind it wasn’t on your husband to be to tell his didn’t want to wear the dress. It was up to you to say no to the dress you got yourself into this situation. Ultimately you ruined your wedding by wearing that dress. but a wedding lot of other things than just the dress and surely it cannot have been that bad if you agreed to wear it in the first place I know you said you felt sick because you were pregnant that but if it was that grannyish and ugly, why would you agree to wear it in the first place?
Wait wait wait. All these comments saying it’s on you for originally saying yes. People are aware that someone can change their mind and say no to anything. Sadly OP didn’t think everything through and went on the path of least resistance (or in this case, least conflict with husband AND MIL).
It’s ok. Sadly there will be things you regret in life like giving MILs a pass on something you later regret. We’ve all done it in some ways or another.
How about an amazing photoshoot in a beautiful dress just for yourself? Sometimes feeling beautiful for a day shouldn’t be just contained to a wedding.
Xoxo. If MIL is no help now then remember this when she eventually calls on you to help her in old age. The old “what comes around, goes around” energy.
Honestly, I think you should renew your vows and get yourself a dress. Have a very small, intimate ceremony, and get a photographer to capture some beautiful shots of you and your family.
I dont think it’s your MILs fault as such, I think it’s the circumstances. It seems everything felt rushed, including making choices.
You do realise the word no exists for a reason right? That’s literally all that was needed here, you chose to let people walk all over you.
You are choosing not to forget and move on, you need to ask yourself why.