I prepared a long message to send to my ex, first serious relationship for both of us (we were together less than a year), we broke up less than a month ago. Until the day before yesterday I was convinced that I wanted to send it, I would have done anything to get it back etc. yesterday, however, towards the evening I started to feel a greater calm or as if my vision of him had changed in a negative sense, but I am afraid of regretting it in the future or that I am deceiving myself. Soon I will see him live for one last time. On the one hand I don’t want to write to him things that I will regret in the future or that I’m no longer so convinced of, on the other hand I’m afraid that what I’m going through is just a phase.
Would you write a message to your ex?
r/Advice
Comments
Wait another month or two, think it over, and make a decision that is less likely to be based on emotion at that point.
Write the message by all means. It can be cathartic, as you’ve found, to get it all out.
Don’t send it. You won’t get the response you want, and it’ll keep you focused on the past.
Delete and move forward.
Don’t send it.
You’ll see him soon anyway. If there’s genuinely something important to say, you can say it then. But honestly, most of those long messages we write to exes are just us trying to get closure or control a situation that’s already over.
Save the message in your drafts if it makes you feel better, but don’t send it. Give yourself more time to process. If in a few months you still feel like you need to reach out, then consider it. But right now? Your gut is telling you not to, so listen to it.
That back-and-forth you’re feeling is completely normal. Breakups mess with our heads because our emotions shift day by day sometimes even hour by hour. One moment you want to pour your heart out, the next you feel distant, or even a little turned off by the idea of them. Neither feeling is “fake” they’re just part of grieving and detaching.
Having been there and done that in the past – don’t do it. You rarely get the response you deeply want and it just adds to the healing time. There is a sub Reddit I came across just yesterday called love letters, perhaps send it there so at least the thoughts are off your chest. Either way, healing is a journey, be kind to yourself.