I recently just turned 17 and ever since then my mum hasn’t stopped pestering me to shave. Its gotten to a point where I feel incredibly irritated. I usually walk around the house in underwear and a vest because whos there to judge me? My mother has made it a habit to inspect my body when she knows im not paying attention and would make sly comments like “Next time, shave when you shower”. “Shower right now and shave”. She even began saying how I smelt bad and that a woman who doesnt have propper hygene will never find a husband (i am a germaphobe mind you). I smelt my armpits and the rest of my body and it honestly smelt like my body wash, body cream and perfumes that i use. I dont shave for a reason: 1 because it makes me uncomfortable and 2, it makes my skin very itchy. I dont even go out showing my arms or my legs but her comments are beginning to get to me. Each time she has requested that I shave its with more agression. Right now I was about to take a shower, mind you im a 17 year old girl whos old enough to wash her own body. My mother noticed this and said “You better wash that body well and shave EVERYTHING”. That has put me off showering completely… Like I dont know what to do to stop these comments.
Any advice will do!
Comments
Start shaving in her sink. Leave all the evidence behind for her. 🤷🏼♀️
I’m a parent of older kids and we don’t police their bodies
Honestly you might just have to bear it. Have you tried explaining why you don’t like shaving to her? And have you been taught how to properly shave without getting razor bumps which is probably what’s causing the itchiness? Either way, it’s completely your choice what you want to do with your body, just looking for context for giving better tailored advice.
Stand your ground explain shaving makes you uncomfortable and irritates your skin and remind her it’s your body and your choice. Setting boundaries calmly but firmly can help
This is insane behavior.
When you want to shave (emphasis on YOU), buy an electric razor. I have one that’s I think Remington brand, it’s like $15 and it doesn’t make me feel itchy (sincerely, a girl w eczema)
Tell her she has absolutely no say in what you do with your body and her saying stuff will not get you to change your decisions about your body.
It seems that she has some sort of complex with this. Maybe she was brought up thinking things had to be this way for men, etc. – but she absolutely should not be putting that on you.
You shave WHENEVER you wanna shave.
“I usually walk around the house in my underwear and a vest because whos there to judge me?”
Your mom apparently.
But honestly, i dont think you’ll get her to see your side. If you want to protect your peace, I’d recommend wearing pajamas that cover you up.
If youre someone with a strong will, than keep on pushing back. Who knows, maybe she will learn from it.
High school me would have been checking you out. Women who didn’t shave under their arms grabbed my attention.
So, this is unhinged behavior. There might be an underlying reason for it. Ask her why she has those views about shaving your whole body being necessary. She might be holding onto beauty standards from two decades ago. Maybe she was shamed when she was younger for having body hair. Have a conversation first. If she continues to creep you out with her inspections, wear leggings or sweats around the house so she can’t see.
we have a saying here, If you hear BS on your left ear let it flow towards your righ ear. dont let it bother you. I dont know how long they are but you can also try to hide it so she cant see it so she wont annoy you.
There’s something much deeper going on here psychologically, between you and your mother, and whatever she’s projecting on you from her own deep seated issues, which she 100% has based on your story.
You have options:
Ignore her, let her nonsense roll off and carry on being you as you wish to be.
Cover up; wear jammies or a robe when you’re home with her. Remove her ability to examine your body. It sounds like she’s become hyper fixated on this point. At this age, it’s not her business. As long as you’re taking care of routine hygiene which it sounds like you are, the rest isn’t under her purview any longer.
Have grace; as a mom of a teen boy, this phase has been super tough. My son wants autonomy and as a parent watching your kid move to the next phase of life is sometimes hard to come to terms with. Watching him make poor decisions that I KNOW will impact him negatively down the road but being unable to guide him has been a challenge. I’ve gotten support because I need to allow him to make choices. As long as he’s not causing harm to himself or others I have to let him explore. His personally hygiene drives me insane. I’m a very clean person (not tidy/perfectionist, but must be clean). He is polar opposite and it gets to me every day.
Both of you get therapy; you mentioning you’re a germophobe and her hyper fixation screams some kind of OCD issues for you both that need support from a professional.
This is a hard phase for you both. You want independence and she’s losing the control that she had when you were younger. She may also be dealing with the onset of menopause which is basically like adult puberty and my god it makes us do some crazy things lol. Not an excuse, but her thoughts and emotions may not fully be her own right now either. Whoever thought is was a good idea to put menopausal mothers and teen children in the same era had a sick sense of humour!!
Anyways, all this to say; do you. Shaving is minor. You may choose differently later in life or you may decide to never shave. Both are 100% your choice.
If you want to be nice to her:
“Hey, this is my body. I’ll treat it how I want to. Hair grows there for a reason, and finding a husband is currently not my priority since I’m only a teenager.”
If you want to be less nice, and frankly what I would say:
“I don’t shave because I love myself the way I am. I’m sorry you don’t feel that way about your own body, but stop making your issues it my problem.”
“My body, my choice” that’s all you need to say. Give the exact same response every single time she says it.
Every. Single. Time.
Simple solution: Mind your mother or find a new place to live.
The choice to shave or not to shave is YOURS and yours alone. Your mom does not get to dictate whether or not you shave. Keep refusing to shave, keep on with your personal hygiene and let her lose her mind if she chooses. You have less than a year before you are an adult.
I’d sit her down and tell her this has to stop. Tell her you will consider living the rest of senior year with a friend if she doesn’t back off with her constant disapproval of your body hair. And start making arrangements with your closest friends if it comes to this. Your mom’s job is not to make you feel bad all the time. Quite the opposite.
Some parents just like to pick fault with their kids! I don’t know if it makes them feel better or bigger or if it’s a coping mechanism for the child becoming an adult?
“Mom it’s my body im not going to shave. Deal with it.”
If you don’t want to remove the hair, that is your choice! If you (like me) want to but don’t want to have the shaving issues or go to a salon etc, Veet is great. Leaves my legs/underarms so smooth and moisturized. It is a lotion that you put on for 5-10 minutes and then wash off.
This is weird and inappropriate on her part. You don’t need to shave if you don’t want to. You shouldn’t have to give anyone reasons as to why you don’t shave. I don’t shave either. Why? I don’t want to. I will once in a blue moon and you shouldn’t be harassed at 17 years old to shave by your mother. That’s so odd. It comes out as shaming in my opinion.
I think there’s a belief that body hair contributes to sweat and body odor.
Keep your clothes on in public areas of the house. You shouldn’t have to, but it looks like you are challenging her. If you don’t want to fight about don’t give her an excuse to bring it up. Natural is a perfectly legit and hygienic choice. And it is your body.
It’s not a hill I would die on. If shaving got her off my back then I would do that
Why on earth does your mom even care?
I have 3 adult daughters. Only one of them shaves, and I do not care a bit because it is not my body, nor is it appropriate to comment on people’s bodies. Even for a mom.
Mom, you’re boring me. It’s a polite response.
Tell her to stop obsessing over your pubic hair!
My wife of 38 years doesn’t shave her pits, and I think it’s cute. Your mom needs to get laid.
“hey mom, I am aware I’m defying beauty standards, and I am also aware that I will be at a disadvantage in my social, romantic and professional life because of it. It’s my informed choice, and I wish for you to respect it.” In a calm and confident tone.
She’s probably worried about you (for the above mentioned reasons), and she certainly won’t expect that.
I also believe in shaving, but I would be so proud of my daughter if she told me that, that shows a LOT of maturity. 💖
You go and carve your own path with confidence ✨✨💖
honestly tell her the truth that its not her business and if you wanted a relationship with a man who is only with you because you shave, then that means he’d leave you if you broke your arms in a car accident. So its better to actually not attract attention for being shaven.
You Do You. Many men do not care or care little about women having hair…you know like an adult.
Clearly her pestering has created some insecurity or internal conflict for you.
I suggest you search for threads, maybe in r/askmen or dating subs where a woman asks how men feel about body hair. Some want hairless women as if they were pre-pubescent, some prefer hair and most care little or not at all.
I am one who does not care really, and loves a woman to do whatever she pleases…though completely shaved was a little strange the one time i encountered it
So it sounds like she has issues, and so do you. Wake up. Shower. Get fully dressed. Eat. Leave the house, work, volunteer, help a neighbor with yard work, study at the library, etc.. anything but walk around half dressed with a mother obsessed with your body hair.
« What you consider normal isn’t everybody’s normal. Many embrace their natural side, and I am one of them. You’re insulting and irritating me. I won’t change what I believe in so please respect me »
Tell her it’s your body and you’ll shave if you feel like it. Also she’s dead wrong about the husband thing, my partner actually prefers his women with their body hair. I stopped shaving for him and it’s been so freeing, don’t let your mum or society tell you that you NEED to shave, only YOU get to make that decision for yourself!
Your mom is being an asshole projecting internallized misogyny and her insecurities onto you. You don’t need to shave to be hygienic. Also if your main reason for not shaving is because of your skin itching afterwards, I can help because it happens to me too, especially on my legs.
Exfoliate the skin with a body scrub first, use a lathering shave cream like Skintimate, shave with whichever razor (less blades + newer blades = less skin irritation + hair tugging) after shower before legs are dry apply a good amount of sensitive skin or fragrance free lotion, I use Libriderm daily moisture. For pubic area it’s the same, except use baby oil afterwards instead of lotion directly after a shower, and reapply baby oil before bed and in the morning the day after to soften follicle area and prevent ingrowns. The next day in the shower I also LIGHTLY exfoliate pubic area with a PH balanced women’s wash like summers eve on a small towel or separate mini loofa from your regular one to prevent infection of the shaved follicles from outside germs.
Ultimately though, if it is simply your choice and you wouldn’t want to shave even if you had the means to do it comfortably, then that’s YOUR choice and not hers. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this!
There’s an interesting dynamic here around control both directions. Ultimately it’s your body and her home. Unless you are willing to push it to the point of potentially cracking the relationship I’d toss on a t shirt and pj pants. I definitely don’t think you need to shave but I also think that maybe some small part of you is enjoying reminding your mother of this and getting a rise out of her when you don’t wear pants.
How would you feel if your mom walked around the house in her underwear and a vest? Most people would feel very uncomfortable and prefer the other person be dressed.
Treat your mother with respect so you can expect the same respect back. You can then let her know you will not be shaving any more. It is possible you are smelling bad as often you can’t really smell yourself the way others can.
Tell her to fuck off, turn around, walk out of room. You are 17, she can’t do shit to you.
Put pants on.
You cannot stop her.
You have every right not to shave, just like people feel they have the right to judge you for it, be it in your face or behind your back. It is what it is.
So either do what you want and expect judgement, or just shave.
I know in some countries, it’s very common to see girls/ women with under arm hair. I worked at Disney & I worked with several women from Norway, the Netherlands, France, Germany. We had 1 foreign woman who lived in the apartment complex ( that Disney put everyone in ) & this young woman would run/ jog all around the complex & work out in the weight room. She had under arm hair. Can’t remember what country she was from though.
My mom used to tell me I stink every day when I got home from school when I was 12/13 even if I didn’t stink. I started washing up and changing shirts before telling her I was home and she would still say I stunk because she got fixated on it.
Best thing to do is literally either just say no or try to ignore it.
Do you use antiperspirant? Maybe you have body odor. Many people cannot smell their own BO.
Maybe she is just trying to “teach” you about it but does not realize she is coming on too strong?
When I was a teen I did not start shaving until my mom told me. Not because I did not want to, I just did not really think about it.
And while you have every right to shave or not, unfortunately society norms are still that women shave. Maybe she is worried it might negatively affect your social life???
And once you get your own place, sure walk around in your underwear… but when in your parents house maybe wear shorts?
I refused to shave in high school so my mom paid for laser hair removal. It was a way to meet in the middle with her messed up expectations
What your parent tells you to, until you are 18 & get your own place
That’s weird. My mom wanted me to shave less frequently at that age. It took another ten years for her to start talking about how fast my hair grows and I got mad when I realized that’s why I went to school with hairy legs and pits. She said once a week was enough because that was enough for her slow growing hair.
But I don’t think shaving should be mandatory or policed unless there’s a safety issue. My kids haven’t started shaving but when it comes to bodily autonomy I give them as much as I can. My rules are currently that they need to bathe, brush their teeth and hair, eat and sleep enough and dress for the weather.
Wear clothes in common areas of the house.