My sister lied about being in law school for multiple years. She got accepted to law school but didn’t finish her bachelors degree, so she wasn’t able to take classes once they asked for her final transcript. However, she still stayed in this city pretending to be in law school for 2 years while my parents were supporting her. She was adamant even when things weren’t adding up and had to be backed into a corner before finally telling the truth. There were threats about taking her life, etc. It was awful and really damaged our family since my parents believed her but I didn’t and didn’t just let it go.
She’s been back home now for almost 2 years and is now engaged to a guy who I don’t think knows what happened. She says he knows everything and knows “that’s not who she is”. But they’re moving very fast. His mom just passed away and he’s spending his inheritance on a very large house that they’re buying “together”, though she doesn’t have any money.
I just feel immensely guilty that her fiancé is risking his late mom’s inheritance on a pathological liar and we’re all being quiet about it despite the tension that’s still there. And I’m frustrated that she hasn’t taken time to work on herself before jumping into a marriage. It feels like she’s being rewarded with a cushy life for rushing him into marrying her before he knows the details of what’s happened.
So my question is…. What do I do? It’s not my business but this is all very fresh. She’s complaining that I’m not more enthusiastic about her wedding and new house and I just can’t be in good conscience. Do I tell him and possibly blow up the engagement if she hasn’t told him? Do I just keep to myself and swallow the guilt I have for this guy who just lost his mom? Help meh
Comments
Talk to your sister privately and say if she’s truly told him everything, she should be okay with you confirming it. If she refuses and you believe he’s still in the dark, you may need to tell him. He deserves the truth before making life-changing decisions.
Leave it alone
Sounds like you’re jealous of your sister to me. Stay out of it. It’s not your business. Focus on yourself and what you can control and you’ll be much happier.
Don’t initiate things but call out any bullshit you hear directly
Quite frankly it’s not your business and your assuming a lot (even if you have a good hunch)
But any lies you hear when around them id definitely call out in front of them
It also sounds like you might be a little jealous
I would reach out to him and suggest something like grabbing drinks, coffee, etc. 1:1 to get to know each other better. Either he knows everything and is going to be your BIL in which case you’re probably going to want to have a relationship with him, or he doesn’t and you can feel that out over coffee pretty easily. Bonus it should come up “naturally” enough that accusations that you did it maliciously would be hard to support
Bro, that’s some next level wild stuff. IMO, truth has a way of coming out, she can’t hide it forever. But letting this dude blow his inheritance unknowingly ain’t fair. Maybe hint to him that he should ask her about her past? U gotta follow ur gut on this 1. Ain’t a fun spot to be in, won’t lie. But at the end of the day, dude’s gotta know the full picture before tying the knot. Props for having the guts to question all this, ur a real one. Stay strong, mate! 💪🏼.
You say she’s a pathological, liar, but what has she lied about other than claiming to have been in law school?
>What do I do? It’s not my business
You are right, it’s none of your business. If she doesn’t have money, she can’t spend it on buying a house, so it’s most likely he’s the one buying the house. If he puts her name on it or not is up to him. He is likely to know that she doesn’t have money.
Please tell him. Don’t let him lose everything for a liar who can’t be trusted. Please don’t protect her.
This is likely the biggest regret and mistake of her life and she’s embarrassed and ashamed. I don’t see why he needs to know if it was before she knew him and it doesn’t affect him? Stay out of it. Your sister is allowed to move on and have a good life.
It feels like you don’t think your sister was punished enough, so you want to punish her more. Like she needs to suffer, be contrite, and be held more accountable before you’ll let it go. So, what does that look like to you? I mean, if her fiancé dumps her, will that make you feel like she’s paid enough? Or if she finds another man, will she also need to lose him as well? When will it be enough? Or will it never be enough because you’re that angry with her, don’t want to forgive her, and just want her to suffer?
I would stay out of it. If she is lying about school, she could be lying about other things you don’t know about. Stay silent.
Let the new husband find out on his own if he married a liar.
This is tough because you care about protecting her fiancé, but it’s not your relationship to manage. What you can do is encourage your sister to be fully honest before the marriage. If she refuses and you truly believe he doesn’t know the full story, you’ll have to decide whether your conscience can live with staying silent. If you do speak up, focus only on facts and let him make his own decision. It’s not about blowing up her life, it’s about giving him the chance to make an informed choice.
Nope. Mind your business. Maybe he wouldn’t care anyway because it’s her past and if that’s the case you just started family drama for nothing. You are definitely coming off as bitter that she isn’t paying consequences for what she did.
She has mental health problems, maybe even borderline personality. They do that!
I would stay out of it.
Mind your own business. Live your own life.
It’s not your business. If you will excuse my saying so, It seems like this has more to do with your own not having let go of your frustration with your sister’s lack of accountability, than it does, guilt for your potential future BIL
This has nothing to do with you, you’re just mad at your sister which is extremely understandable but it’s not your life to live. Stay out of it
Ask him to talk and not tell her you are doing it say you want him to know all the facts before it goes any further
Going against the grain and saying why does it matter? Yes I would feel bad for the dude not knowing if she’s a bad person, but she lied about schooling. Does HE believe she’s a lawyer? Is she lying about having degrees? Because he’s been with her for a while and should know she’s not gonna be working. Bringing it up would not be a good look for you unless someone makes a comment about her job/degree/school time. You would look vindictive.
You are upset she lied and is being rewarded which is valid! But she lied to YOU and your parents not this guy who wasn’t in her life at the time.
You aren’t saving him from anything. I can’t see him leaving her over family drama that happened what 2 years before they even met? Let’s be realistic.
Blood is thicker than water, that is all.
None of your business dude!
All I will say is that every time I got involved in other people’s business, I ended up regretting it.
I think you should communicate what you know with him. This is a matter of “You should know what you’re getting into but I support your endeavors with my sister.” because it doesn’t have to be you trying to get them to break up just making sure that he has the opportunity to know the full story.
You send him an anonymous email or text that says:
“Your fiancée (name) hasn’t told you the complete truth about herself. You should definitely protect yourself with a Property Trust and a Pre-Nup
Tell him. She is getting away with this because she is enabled.
Not your circus, Not your monkeys
Updateme
I have a brother that’s a pathological liar. He has screwed over many women. I won’t let him lie in front of me but am not going to question a woman about what he’s told her. In this day and age you can verify anything with a few simple searches. They ignore numerous red flags and contradictions. They want to believe him.
Your sister has mental health problems. But mind your business and be loyal to your family.
This makes me really sad. A dear friend of mine had a son going to law school. He and his wife traveled out of state to be there for graduation only to see his name wasn’t on the program. Dad knew exactly what had happened. They left the ceremony and raced to his apartment where they found he had unalived himself.
Try a little compassion with your sister. Tell her you can imagine how difficult it was to come clean about her school situation. And that you want her to be happy. And that if he were to find out she kept something like this from him it would not be good for their marriage so you hope she really has let him know. she needs to let him have the chance to see her completely. He’s probably made mistakes too, and it would be good for them to get it all out in the open.
Honestly, I’d stay way tf out of that mess. The fiancé isn’t your problem or responsibility. It’s going to create way more drama & negativity in your life that you don’t need.
OR…
You could go full crazy/revenge, throw a few beverages back & let her rip.
Your choice. Choose wisely.
BTW, your sister appears to need mental health help.