I’m a 23M, and my girlfriend is 21F. We’ve been together for two years, and for the past year, we’ve been in an open/cuckolding dynamic. She was really into exploring this lifestyle, and though I was unsure at first, I agreed because I love her and wanted to support her. Over the year, she’s slept with other guys (always with my knowledge and agreement), and we’ve incorporated things like her sharing details with me and even watching some. She loves it and says it makes her feel empowered, confident, and even closer to me through the trust it requires.
Lately, though, I’m struggling. I’m feeling jealous and unsettled, and the dynamic just isn’t exciting for me anymore. I still love her deeply, she’s amazing, supportive, and we connect so well outside of this. I don’t want to break up at all, I just want to move back to a monogamous relationship or at least stop the cuckolding part for good.
The issue is that she lovesthis lifestyle. She talks about it constantly, gets excited planning her dates with other guys, and has said it’s a huge part of what makes our relationship special for her. I’m worried that if I ask to stop, she’ll feel like I’m taking away something she cherishes, and it could lead to resentment or even end our relationship. I don’t know how to bring this up without it sounding like an ultimatum or making her feel judged.
Has anyone navigated something like this? How do I approach this conversation sensitively to keep our relationship intact? Any advice on how to express my feelings while respecting how much she enjoys this dynamic?
Comments
she doesnt care about you brother, if she truly loves you she wouldnt be seeking pleasures in others, i think she is just using you for money
That’s bullshit. I can’t understand the attraction. Maybe if you felt strongly about it (which I still can’t understand, but hey, no judgement zone right?). She just wants to fuck other guys. She knows it bothers you and that is her real kick. Move on.
It does not seem that you and the relationship itself are taken into account- it is just about her.
You need to leave her. People are into different kinks but this is not just that. If she is into being pleasured by different men and then bragging about it to her boyfriend, that isn’t right. Idc what kind of kinks people are into, that isn’t right at all. You can help your significant other feel strong and empowered without letting her sleep with other men. This also just shows that she ain’t getting everything she needs from you alone, and that most likely shows incompatibility between you two. Leave her, find someone who wants you for you and only you and never look back.
Bro, real talk – your needs in the relationship are just as important, and if something’s making you uncomfortable, that’s a massive red flag. Gotta stand up for yourself, man. Yeah, she digs the lifestyle, but at the end of the day, you guys are supposed to be a team. Express yourself and be honest about your feelings. It ain’t an ultimatum, it’s communication. Wish ya all the best, mate. 👍
“I agreed because I love her and wanted to support her.”
The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abrn8aVQ76Q
As soon as you ask her to stop, your relationship is over…
Empowered 😂, confidant😂
My advice do yourself a favour and stop gettin played, end it.
Tell her how you feel and that you want to end the dynamic and can’t do it anymore.
She will leave I bet you. Respect yourself more. End it. She prob jus using you for $$$. I seen plenty of hoes be good at first an create an emotional connection an then go suck other dicks an try keep their man for $$.
It wont last imo. Anyhow just be open an honest an dont back down ro elt her guilt trip you.
You need to tell her. A relationship works by communicating your needs to each other. Even more so when it implies challenging dynamics like this one.
Tell her. You say she loves you. Then she will understand.
I would almost recommend posting this in a different group, maybe one specific to this kind of thing. The average person will not be able to understand what you are going through, or your girlfriend, and you may get a lot of biased answers.
I wish you all the best
I think she’s just using you because she knows you’ll stay with her and allow her to sleep with different guys. You’re just an anchor for her. Something to come back to, even when one of her hookups isn’t fulfilling
You need to be ready to walk away if she doesn’t want to be monogamous. Neither her nor you can have any respect for you if you can’t.
Sounds like you two aren’t compatible
I think the first aspect you need to figure out is if you’re being affected by the cuckhold part of the relationship or the open part. For example, I’ve been in a few open relationships with 0 confidence issues but I would NEVER be in one where she was telling me about all her other partners. Beyond “I’m gonna see someone x day” I don’t wanna know anything more about it.
If you think youd be okay with open, then that’s kind of the transition that would be best for you in this type of relationship. Where you basically tell her “hey I don’t really enjoy this anymore, I think I would be fine for you to keep meeting up with people occasionally but I just don’t want to know anything about the specifics etc.”. If you don’t think you can be in an open relationship, then it’s more complicated. You have to just confide in her how you feel about it, and then see if there’s any sort of chance of bridging the gap.
For example, is the exciting part for her that she gets to dress up and play her part in trying to seduce a new person? In that case could it be the case where more serious role play could occur between you guys where you go to the same place pretending you don’t know each other and effectively being different people to see if that might satisfy her need? You basically just have to troubleshoot the dynamic to see if it’s possible, but I think it would be wrong to tell you that this conversation Won’t affect the relationship. That doesn’t make it any less necessary
Gross.
Personally, I don’t support non-monogamy as I find it always causes hurt and resentment somewhere.
Edit: why make this post if all you’re going to do is argue with every person telling you she doesn’t care about you? You are quite literally just an accessory that makes her fetish possible…
You’re so heavily in denial right now, every piece of advice you get you make excuses for her. You’ve heard the advice from a bunch of people but it’s not what you want to hear so you deny deny deny but sooner or later you realise there’s a reason why everyone is telling you to break up.
brother, you and your girlfriend are not stable mental people.
if you are good when someone is fucking your fucking girl you have serious problem brother… you need to stop dehumanize yourself.. either be a man either be a pussy !
So you’re the sloppy seconds… GROSS…
The relationship is most likely over at this point.
I think the problem is that you put her needs as a priority from the start and agreed to such a one-sided arrangement. All the things you mention are her benefits, but nothing about how it benefited you.
It doesn’t mean that she is a bad person, but your values and hers don’t align anymore.
Break it off, find someone better suited
Tell her you want to stop
That’s not something that can be a one way street. If you don’t want it anymore she needs to respect that. If she doesn’t then she’s only doing it because the wants to fuck other guys not because she’s turned on by the actual cucking aspect of it.
Time to move on!
Bro, gotta say it straight up. You gotta prioritize ur mental health and well-being. If you’re not vibing with the current sitch, you def gotta tell her & if she truly cares for ya, she’ll understand & you guys can figure something else out. Sucks, but sometimes you have to make tough choices. It’s not ultimatum, it’s being honest about what you’re cool with. You’re important too, bro. Good luck, man.
Hotel,motel,Holiday Inn.
If your girl startz actin up,
then you take her friend.
I think you are in dire need of a one on one counseling session with her best looking bestie.
when I watch porn, cuckold always comes up, I don’t know why…I think that is so fckn crazy to share your partner with some disgusting, smelly azzhole.
You deserve this, cuck.
If my girl even brought it up, it would be over right then and there. You on the other hand, agree to her getting her back broken by other men because you “support her.”
Guess what, when a woman actually loves a man with all her heart, she doesn’t want another man to even look at her, let alone pipe her. This girl doesn’t love you, you are just the sad boy who pays for her things while she gets to go out and sleep with other men.
But you’re sitting here scared of not making her feel “judged.” It’s men like you that enable the behavior of modern women and you should be ashamed of yourself.
You’re brainwashed. This isn’t normal.
Relationships where one person is seeing other people with the knowledge and approval of their partner, aren’t normal.
Unfortunately you’ve now realised that you will resent her for this for the rest of the relationship, even if she agrees to stop, sorry man, but its over.
Also, as others have pointed out, she gets off on the fact that you’re bothered by it. You don’t need to tell her it bothers you, she can tell.
Sounds like to me she doesn’t want to be in a real relationship but likes the comfort of having someone to come home
She likes having sex with other guys. You can tell her you want it to stop, but it’s almost certainly not going to. You need to move on.
Hey dude she hasn’t been your girlfriend for a while now. I suggest you cut ties and find someone who doesn’t use you in such depreciating ways
Sorry
I only read part
Of it and dude she’s taking you for a ride and it really makes you look like and idiot! You don’t have a relationship here it’s her doing what she wants when she wants and has got you by you tiny nads and don’t even realize it couldn’t read anymore but dude move on
Bro what? How is this healthy for any man?
My friend, here’s the convo- “ I accepted a situation that I was unsure about because I love you and wanted to support your “needs”.
But Now that i have experienced this situation for some time, i realize that while it drives and empowers you, it is is draining and destroying me, and I don’t want to either be part of or participate in this any more.”
You say that she loves you and does amazing things for you, does this include stopping a behavior that is slowly destroying you inside?
If it isn’t, if her needs matter more than your mental and spiritual health, let her go so she can find someone that will.
Be free of her so you can find someone that truly values and loves you for you.
Ps. Let this be a life lesson, you don’t have to accept being disrespected and humiliated in order to be validated.
Damn dude. This relationship is over.
voice your feelings, she needs to respect your feelings like you did hers. of course reassurance helps to an extent but you two need to meet each other somewhere and if you’re not comfortable anymore there’s tension and problems. there’s other ways a woman can feel confident and sexy without those specific actions. she’ll just have to find something else that works for her and if she’s unwilling to respect your feelings then it’s probably best to let each other part ways..
See you at the Gym Champ
Bruh you got played. Dip
Yeah, hellllll no!! There is no way this is normal. I can never be in situation where my girl is just sucking some random dudes dicks while keeping me as her anchor!! She is not your gf brother, she the whole town’s gf. You need to leave now. Have some self-respect man! Would she be okay if you were fucking other women??? You are still young. Find someone who is worthy of your love. Wish you the best man!
What would she do if you brought up wanting to sleep with other women while she watched? Turn the tables and see how that works.
Grab a copy of the ethical slut, go to the chapter on jealousy, read it think on it, read it again and then analyze your thoughts again. If you are still feeling jealousy and it’s effectively making you hurt then you need to discuss closing the relationship. If she doesn’t agree to it or resists it then it’s over.
If she honestly really loves you then she won’t want to hurt you or make you suffer. If she decides that sex is more important to her than your wellbeing then she is a bad girlfriend and person and you can do much better than that.
If she brakes up with you because you won’t fitful her kink anymore then she never really loved you properly in the first place.
You need to set firm boundaries with what you are willing to do sexually, continuing to engage in sex which hurts you will harm you deeply even if it takes you years to realise the full extent of the trauma it has caused.
If you stay in a relationship where you are worried that expressing your needs or setting boundaries will result in her leaving you and force yourself to do this stuff when you don’t want to you are going to end up very damaged and she may still leave you anyway bcs let’s face it her love really isn’t that deep if her kink matters more to her than you do.
Trying frantically to hold onto someone who does not value you like you value them and causing yourself sexual trauma in the process isn’t it. Trust me 🙏
The first rule of this world (cuckolding) is that both of you enjoy it. All this loses meaning the moment you stop liking doing it. And if she doesn’t understand that you want to stop, it clearly means that she was doing everything for her own benefit and that you were never part of the decision. If she doesn’t understand, you have realized that she doesn’t love you and, for your own good, you should leave her.
Your relationship is already ruined
At a basic level you are not compatible and your lifestyle is not sustainable. Get out now and in due course find someone with a more ‘traditional’ idea of relationships.
This no longer works for you. Be clear about what you need in the relationship. If she isn’t willing to work with you, it is not meant to be. Your feelings matter just as much as hers.
What a supporting and understanding guy.
But ultimately this is about her, and not about you or you both as a team.
From an older dude who wasted a lot of my time with the wrong person. This isn’t the right fit for you. Some fun times and life experience tho and no hard feelings.
Uh… it’s already over bro
If you set a *reasonable boundary and that ruins the relationship, that’s on her not you
If she wants to continue, you aren’t compatible. Relationships that’s don’t start off monogomous typically stay that way. And if you’ve been together 2 years and you’re struggling to bring such an important thing up, you probably don’t have as strong as a connection you think you do.
I have always been under the impression that cuckolding was about the cuck enjoying seeing their partner sleep with other people, not that your partner cheats and just shares it with you like they are talking about a new hobby they found
I wouldn’t maintain a relationship with a woman who gets her jollies on screwing other dudes.
Watching the whole thing is demeaning.
You are just a life size cardboard cutout to enable her to get aroused by others. If you leave, she quickly recruit another stand-in. It’s all about her.
Reddit isn’t the place to get advice for this. Maybe 1/100 people will be open-minded enough to even consider that dynamic as potentially acceptable.
In reality, whatever dynamic works for both of you is whats right, and if you are no longer interested in this dynamic, you need to communicate that to her, then she needs to decide if its a dealbreaker for her. Then go from there. It sounds like you guys aren’t really compatible though. Also keep in mind, this dynamic is much less practical if you ever want children.
Real advice here: You just come to her tell her how you’re feeling, calmly. From your wording, it sounds like you enjoyed it at first, but not anymore. And, that’s okay. If you’re not feeling the dynamic anymore, then you just need to tell her that. There’s nothing wrong with that. The problems occur with how she reacts. If she respects your decision and closes the relationship with you, then great!! If not, and she tried to convince you, manipulate you, or grows angry with you: then that’s an immediate red flag and you should voice that. If she continues to be dismissive of you in ANY way, bounce out of the relationship and move on.
Dude, the entire point of successful open relationships require both partners to get the confidence and benefit of the relationship being open. I’m pretty against the idea personally, but in every single group with open relationship supporters, the main fact that is constantly drilled in within responses is that if you are both not comfortable with whatever action is happening, then it will surely fail. The entire basis is about being comfortable with your partner, especially when the relationship is open because without that comfort it will fail 100% of the time.
You feeling the way you are is absolutely not alright. If you do post in other subreddits about open relationships, they are going to tell you the exact same thing: you not being comfortable is absolutely not what your partner should be okay with. Since it sounds like your partner gets off on demeaning you, (and she for sure knows you aren’t pumped about the cucking), that is a huge red flag and she’d likely be shamed from the open relationships require community for the most part as well for that.
It’s a very specific sub-fetish in open relationships to actually seek out what your girl is, and you being uncomfortable is her goal. That’s why everything you say in her defense does not matter. It doesn’t matter what else she does for you, because she actively seeks to make you feel uncomfortable in what she does with other men sexually. That’s not a partner in any regard.
Brother leave her, men like u who cares abt women’s needs deserves good women and this one doesn’t deserve u at all. That’s not even a relationship if her needs are the only things that gets attention.
She treats you like a pet not a partner.
Bruh this is not a good relationship.
I’ve been in similar relationships and am quite into kink.
You have to discuss it with her as soon as you can. If she agrees to stop and focus on each other and you are comfortable with that, then that’s fine. If she isn’t happy to make that transition, it’s better to cut it off now then to feel miserable in a relationship that won’t work long term.
You have to talk about your feelings with her, figure out where you both stand, and go from there. It’s your life, don’t spend it unhappy.
ANY good relationship – regardless of kinks and proclivities – is one that has open and honest communication. If you are afraid to express your true feelings because you’re afraid of losing it, than the relationship is doomed long term anyway.
If she loves you, she’ll respect your boundaries. If it’s not the openness but being involved or informed that bothers you, that’s a reasonable line to draw. If she can’t honor that, it may be time to walk away.
If you want the open dynamic to end completely, that’s a bigger challenge… whether it’s a genuine kink or manipulation, as others have suggested. Meeting her needs within monogamy would likely require significant change on your part, which may or may not be realistic.
You might find better support in subreddits more focused on open relationships, as this thread has leaned judgmental.
As a woman, women have kinks too. Many men push for open relationships with “women only” rules, which I’ve always found hypocritical. I respect that you approached this with an open mind, but I’m sorry it’s costing you, as it has many women I know. Best of luck💞
dude stand up lmao this is sad
Bro what? It’s over and has been for the past year. The dynamic you’re talking about can only ever go in one direction. You can go from man to cuck. But you can NEVER go from cuck to man. The second you agreed to be a cuck, you forever changed the way she looks at you. And bro, stop lying. You didn’t agree to it because you love her and support her. You agreed to it because you were thirsty and had no other options.
What about the resentment you will be build if you continue to go down this road with her and not have your own valid needs met? Neither of you are wrong, you’re just not on the same page about it. If she loves you then she will hopefully listen to your needs and thoughts and find a way to figure it out and assess what she wants. There’s no way to compromise on something like this. You either do it or don’t. Your needs matter too. If she loves the lifestyle and you don’t you’re not compatible.
If she’s mature enough to handle that type of dynamic she should be mature enough to talk about it. Your relationship is doomed if you never bring it up. Maybe there’s room for compromise somewhere. Honestly women do things like put on shows of excitement because we think our partners are excited about something and we want them to think we’re just as excited about it. Not saying that’s whats happening. Just saying you’re doing the same thing.
Bruh if you’re not into it you’re not in to it you have to tell her and if she isn’t willing or able to have the kind of relationship that works for you then you aren’t compatible and you both have to move on
What are you? Some kind of door mat?
Tell her calmly and respectfully that you aren’t comfortable with a polygamous relationship.
If she says that being monogamous isn’t an option then you two aren’t compatible.
It doesnt matter how much you love her this is definitely a dealbreaker nonetheless.
And you’re in your 20s you have your whole like to find your REAL true love..
You need to be honest. If that’s the end, that’s the end. Better to find out now, than 5-10 years down the road. If she cares as much about your feelings as you care about hers, she will realize it’s hurting you. You gave it a try (which is more than most guys would do) it’s not for you anymore. If she is 100% about it, the relationship will fail eventually, and you’ll be the one full of resentment. You’re concerned it will cause her resentment, but you need to take youreself into consideration too!
If you ask her to let you bang randos in front of her, so you can feel a “sense of empowerment”, how well would that go over? Probably not great… This is the type of relationship dynamic that both parties NEED to be on the same page about.
This one is simple. You have the conversation where you say this dynamic needs to end for your relationship to continue.
Yes. It will be scary. Yes, it could be painful. Living a life where you’re constantly on the edge of a breakdown because your partner is off fulfilling ONLY her desires will likely kill you in the long run.
If she’s unwilling to stop her kink play. Then you have to set her free so you can even exist, because right now you’re likely a shell of your former self due to the mental gymnastics in your mind.
No one here can stand up for you. We can only offer advice, support, and the kick in the ass you need to stand up for yourself. I’m rooting for you.
Updateme
I hate to go down this road but you two are in your early 20s you don’t know what true love is yet and the fact that she’s poly even though you don’t like it is a serious red flag. This is not going to work out with you two.
I mean for God’s sake she’s 21 sleeping with random men!
Does not seem you two are really compatible and this will be a problem in the long run
bro this is a bare bones kinda thing you just need to tell her. If she wants a guy that she can effectively treat like a little “bitch” and that isn’t you, so be it.
you’ve got this king
you have a lot of comments chastising you, but I just want to add that I understand the fear of voicing your feelings/boundaries and risking losing that person because you spoke up. however, in my experience, I always ended up finding out that they never really cared for me the way I needed them to anyway. she may be amazing, sweet, smart and funny but if she can’t respect that this isn’t something you want, then you two just aren’t compatible. you can’t force something to be when two people want things that directly contradict each other.
You’re no longer compatible, you need to sit down and talk to her but be prepared for it to end.
You’re a very young 23 and this girl has grown from a teen to adult doing this. I imagine if she’s really into it then she’ll probably really want to continue even if she agrees to stop for the time being.
You should give real thought as to whether you can have a long term relationship with a girl who really want’s this life. She might not be the girlfriend you’re looking for.
>I’m worried that if I ask to stop, she’ll feel like I’m taking away something she cherishes, and it could lead to resentment …
Yes, I agree that’s likely to happen.
Was this one sided open? Did you fuck other women? Did she watch?
Sweetheart look. You are young and think your job is to twist yourself in knots to make a relationship work. It is not. You have to find someone with whom you’re on the same page. You can’t join that lifestyle just to please or support someone else. You can’t support ANY sexual lifestyle just for the other person. You have to like it for yourself too.
This relationship is probably over. She loves this lifestyle and is receiving all the benefits. She is self-centered here and it is your responsibility to stand up for what you want. You can try talking it out and aligning with one another. But odds are, she is not going back.
If not, she is not the woman for you. You need to end it and move on so that you can both find a partner that is a better fit for what you need. She is treating you like a pawn not a partner.
My (f/33) 2 best friends (who were married) got into swinging and going to sex clubs. It was her idea and because he had similar arrangements in prior relationships he was down. First year it seemed to bring them closer and make them both happy. Half way through the 2nd year he confided in my boyfriend and I that the dynamic was changing in a way they hadn’t agreed on. They were going to the club nearly weekly and she was sleeping with men and women there, but the second he tried to hook up with anyone she would get all mad. As friends we could tell it was taking its toll as they were bikering all the time and she was at times a bit verbally abusive to him. Next thing we know one day he invites us to hang out and she isn’t around. She was at her boyfriends house. Their agreement was a sex only thing and not meant to bring on other partners emotionally. He was devastated. They tried marriage therapy but she was constantly gaslighting him. One day he had enough and went to his closet to start packing a bag. She got in his face and shoved the door closed. And he pushed passed her to get back in. She started talking about how scared she was and called the cops. Cops came but there were no marks on her at all. Still he had to leave. He found a room to rent and they got divorced. He lost basically all his positions because he was only allowed about an hour to get what he could out. It destroyed our friend group. The morning he texted me to say the divorce was done and official I checked my fb and she had blocked all of us. Not that I wanted to be friends with her. I’d witnessed her gaslighting, manipulation and tendency for high drama and it completely changed my view of her and made me lose all respect.
Communicating with her is the way to try to fix this, but the damage may already be done. As someone who has been curious about the lifestyle before, after witnessing all that secondhand i don’t think i ever could. To many ways to fuck shit up.
Relationships are definitely give and take. But the only successful relationships are the ones where both people are happy. You’re not happy, this is hurting you. And it’s not going to suddenly stop. Are you prepared to have this going on for the rest of your life? Till the day you die? If not, you need to accept that maybe you and her aren’t it for each other. You need to tell her you don’t want this dynamic anymore. Either she will accept and you can have a great life together or she’ll say no and you have to break up because it’s not going to work. Or you stay quiet and let it fester until you wake up one day realizing you’ve wasted 10 years of your life trying to make her happy at the price of your own
Imagine if you wanted to have sex with other girls in front of her.. what would her reaction be? I don’t think she’d feel “empowered”. This is absolutely unacceptable, tell her that you are done with it and have some self respect. She’s forcing you to do something grotesque, you’re well within your rights to say it makes you uncomfortable. Who cares if she likes it? Don’t set yourself on fire for her warmth
There’s no stopping her, the money you bring up you wanting to stop she’ll leave you
You’re only an extra in this movie.
This is the lifestyle she likes.
Without asking her to change I would just break up and start dating again. Sorry
Chick is gross
You have to tell her you don’t like and it needs to end.
She will either agree or not.
If she agrees, then you are good.
If she doesn’t agree, the relationship needs to end. That does NOT make her a bad person. Just incompatible with you.
Let both of you find someone that fits.
Honestly y’all just dont sound compatible anymore. Sometimes, loving someone isn’t enough to make it work.
Your old lady likes getting fucked. Just not by you. Do with that info as you will.
i hope you dont take this offensively because i truly dont mean for it to be, but it almost sounds like shes slowly pushing you into the friend zone. it sounds like your in a tough spot. on the one hand shes amazing in all the important ways, but on the other, if she hasnt lost intrest in the life style and you have? it sounds to me like your feelings for her are growing and hers just arent. it kind of sounds like she just wants to be able to fuck around and to know your there to fall back on. dont let her use you as her plan b. if she feels empowered fucking men while she knows she has you, its pretty fucked up. theres no way she doesnt know that it bothers you to some degree, even if you told her it doesnt. if she truly loves you and knows you, she would know. and if she doesnt know? then she most likely doesnt care. but if you really want to talk about it with her and try to make it work, dont bring it up as an ultimatum. if anything, start out with your concerns about having the conversation. explain you want to talk to her but you dont want her to feel a certain way. explain that you dont want whats supposed to be a discussion to turn into an argument. and start with all the positive things like how you appreciate how supportive she is and whatever else you appreciate about her. then tell her that as great as those things are, your struggling to accept her lifestyle. maybe start out with a compromise? if shes willing to compromise it shows that she does in fact want to make the relationship work. it would also show she cares about you enough to accept whatever terms you give. she’ll then know it bothers you and it will give her time to decide if she cares more about your relationship or her lifesyle.
Have you tried banging some other people to see how she feels about it? I bet her tune would change pretty quick.
If she is really that into that it’s going to be tough or near impossible to break her out of it. Talk to her about how you feel and see what comes of it. Sounds like she has disregarded your opinion .
I think the way that I would approach it is with full knowledge that if one thing is exactly what the other person wants, and exactly the opposite of what you want, the relationship probably isn’t going to last long without serious compromises by one person. It sounds like you are uncomfortable with the current circumstance, meaning you are the one currently compromising (without wanting to). You are looking for a way to potentially ask her to compromise, which may also be something she doesn’t want to do.
I would go into the conversation knowing what your hard limits are. Cuckold can mean a bunch of things to a bunch of people. Is there a degrading aspect to your current situation? Or is it just more that she wants you to watch and be in the room (recognizing that you said that you aren’t always there)? Are you allowed to participate when you are there? Would you be open to participating? Would that help at all, or do you think it would still feel the same?
Assuming there is not a degrading component to things, my guess is she just likes the sexual excitement of being with other people, as opposed to making you feel “less than” other guys. If polyamory is a hard limit for you, then I would explore whether there are any other fantasies or kinks that would give her a similar sense of sexual excitement (ideally ones with you involved as opposed to other partners). I would explain how it makes you feel. But, if her enjoyment is really from the polyamory, it may be difficult to make things work if you are completely against that in any way.
But, the short advice is, be sensitive to her emotions while also being assertive with your needs and what you are feeling. If you really are feeling jealous though, I would get to the root of that feeling a little bit. Why are you jealous? Is she still sleeping with you? Does it sound like she has more fun with the other guys? If you are jealous simply because you think that she should be “yours,” that sort of possessiveness is probably going to be a problem for her, if I had to guess.
Try talking to her about your feelings first. That should be step one. You don’t have to make it an ultimatum if you aren’t ready for that but a conversation.
Or you could do what everyone on Reddit says and insist divorce is the only option.
From my pov—She’s a bit creepy and you’re a little weak and/or stupid. Her telling you that you’re a real man to participate in this circus is bs and you should know that. But – if you think you want to stay partners with her – by all means carry on. Your life, your choice.
You don’t, ultimately you two are not compatible.
What I would advise is that you have the conversation and simply explain it’s no longer working for you, chances are this will end things, but you need to be as fair and open to yourself as you are to her.
To be clear, it’s not a judgement thing at all, be sure to communicate that, you tried it and found that you have an issue with it and it no longer gets you off, and here you are.
You cannot control someone else’s behavior; you can only control how you respond to it by setting boundaries. You need to tell her that you are not comfortable with this lifestyle anymore. The choice is then completely hers: does she want to stay with you and only you, or does she want to find another partner who is on board with her kink?
And if she tries to reach some middle ground with you, please hold strong and don’t agree to anything you aren’t comfortable with just to “keep her” because you’ll end up in this exact same position before you know it.
Bot account. It was created 3 hrs ago
She’s USING YOU!!!
I never understood cuck relationships. I know ima get downvoted for this but man is it odd
Sounds like it’s really working…FOR HER. Get out and grow a pair. You deserve better.
OP, as a woman and I mean this with love, get some self respect. This is an unfair arrangement and you cannot live life at the whim of another. You will grow to resent her and she will grow bored of you (if she isn’t already).
Well I’m sorry to break this to you, but you’re gay.
This probably isn’t going to work out — especially given your ages. She’s probably nowhere near wanting to settle down and this dynamic gave her a lot if freedom that a monogamous relationship would not.
Plus, what was agreed upon before will now be viewed as cheating and my guess is that will inevitably happen. She might try to spin it as not a big deal given your history and you might even be apt to forgive her because of your past, but I doubt she’d want to stop.
Unless she sounds like someone who really likes the idea of becoming monogamous, I would prepare to move on and find someone who wants what you want in a relationship.
dawg, get out of there. you aren’t going to be able to come back from that. Even if you do ultimately “stop” the cuckold aspect of the relationship, she would almost certainly continue but just not tell you. You’d be dumping the already sus agreement of an open relationship for a monogamous one be built in resentment and a near guarantee of infidelity.
If you don’t want to make an immediate exit, explore the dynamic on YOUR side. Start trying to go on dates with other girls and find someone else to be with that would be monogamous with you. You aren’t the one fucking your girlfriend now, so it shouldn’t be too big of an issue for you to hit it off with someone else, since you’re ultimately in a very weird roommate dynamic.
Gotta tell you bro, there’s no easy way to do this. You guys are partners so it’s a two way street. You need to remember that you’re 1/2 of this relationship.
That said, you need to talk to your girl and tell her you’re not getting what you need from cuckolding and that it has to stop.
If she agrees, just know it’s gonna be bad for a minute. What you should do during that time is to rebuild intimacy together and you yourself might need to go see a therapist to condition your psychological well being. Hope that helps 🙏🏽
You already opened Pandora’s box. If she is now into that crap, you are doomed.
You are getting played homie. Get out now. Do yourself a favor and get a girl that wants to sleep with you not other dudes. You are young. I would do it now before it goes on any longer. Does she even have sex with you at all?!
Don’t even talk to her about this, just leave
It does not seem as though you are sexually compatible. I don’t think there is any way you can have the relationship you want with this person. Not all relationships are built to last. Part of loving someone is learning to let go when you can’t really give each other what the other one needs. You should talk to her about this, while conveying that neither of you should have to sacrifice what you need in order to continue the relationship.
“How do I approach this conversation sensitively to keep our relationship intact?”
you dont. the relationship ended once you opened that door. sadly you allowed this to happen, and it cannot be undone.
EVEN if you manage somehow to turn it into a monogamous relationship, the stench wont go away. she loves to get fucked by other dudes,
“She loves it and says it makes her feel empowered, confident, and even closer to me through the trust it requires.”
dear god, please love yourself and get out of that relationship.
Dude if this lifestyle isn’t for you must leave. You tried it you found it hard to be a beta now it’s time to be an alpha and move on. You will never be able to trust her again and that’s no way to live because trust is actually more important than love.
I feel like shes kinda just made you into a gay best friend. Maybe yall still do stuff sexually but I feel like shes become accustomed to you being more of a best friend to share all the tea with and who will support her in her… “activities”… I think if you ask to stop cuckcolding she will break up. But definitely still have the conversation because I may be entirely wrong and she still loves you over all others.
Your “kink” is a mental illness.
Leave her and go to therapy.
Run bro
Ask her if you can sleep with another woman and watch how fast she’ll try to shut it all down. You’ll see.
Unfortunately, this is just an incompatible relationship in general I think. It happens all the time. One person wants kids, the other doesn’t. One person loves dogs, the other is allergic. One person has a cuckolding kink… The other doesn’t. And often in these situations it’s not necessarily anybody’s fault and there are typically a lot of messy feelings because that incompatible thing doesn’t stop you from loving them. But at the end of the day, it’s healthier for everybody to stop hanging onto something that will never work and move on to be in relationships with people who want the same things as you.
It’s time to tell her. If it’s a deal-breaker, it’ll be best for both of you to get it over and done with. It’ll hurt like a bitch for a while and then it won’t. Good luck.
Of course she loves it. She gets to get slammed by random dudes and have a secure relationship at home. It’s like saying as a guy you can go out and fuck pretty much any girl you want and have a good relationship at home. The difference is that unless you’re like top 3% of guys in terms of look or income, no girl is ever gonna be okay with you fucking random girls and more importantly it’s significantly harder for you as a male to get laid than it is for her as a female to get laid, especially if she’s remotely attractive.
We listen and we don’t judge
👀
Homie…. She’s for the streets
We listen and we don’t judge.
But i’ll fucking judge, leave her bro. Its pretty bad already, its a sinking ship, but golly you can sink deep; and from what I understand, you’re not done sinking.
People who are non-monogamous don’t stop being non-monogamous. Can’t put that genie back in the bottle. You’re young, you have plenty of time to find a partner whose needs better align with yours.
You can’t put that genie back in the bottle, at least she won’t while she’s with you. If you didn’t like the thought of her getting railed by other guys, you shouldn’t have agreed to it. Look on any social media platforms and you’ll see how many times people regret this. I would never be in a relationship and let a girlfriend or wife do this.