Long title, I know.
My best friend called me today after she got home from her part time job, sobbing that her 10 year old husky had died. It took a minute for me to really understand what was happening, but I was as dumbfounded as she was. He was healthy, happy, and she always updated me with pictures or stories of his crazy behavior. She mentioned he had “spells” in the past couple months where he’d breathe heavier, or he’d sometimes go into full zoomies at random times where she couldn’t calm him down. Overall he was a great dog, super sweet and loving, curious and friendly to pretty much everyone.
I went over to console her and be some emotional support, and while we were hugging and sobbing, she relayed some details. The main one? She’d been feeding him grapes because “he loved grapes”, she gave him a couple in the morning before work and when she got home this afternoon, he was literally dying on the floor in her bedroom. His favorite corner to sleep in and scratch, she found him there with labored breathing, some wetness around his backside/genitals, in really bad shape. She was able to hug him and say she loved him before he died in her arms. I’ve been just as much a wreck as her, that boy was her life and was such a sweet, gentle dog. I’ve been doing my best to console her, share experiences and really just let her dump emotions on me because that’s what friends do.
At the same time, I know the grapes helped take him away. I don’t think she’s aware of the danger of certain foods with dogs, but at the same time I don’t want to present Dog Toxicology 101 to her when she’s grieving the loss of an animal she saw as a child. I have no idea how to proceed, I’ve been supportive so far and offering condolences but I worry that if I tell her, be it the near or far future, she’ll blame herself and/or hate me for not speaking up. Advice? Thoughts? I honestly have no idea what to do, I want to do the right thing, but also don’t want to amplify her grief. Sorry in advance if this is the wrong place, I’m just looking for some guidance even if it’s from strangers at this point.
Comments
I would tell her so she doesn’t do it again. Flat out tell her. Grapes are poisonous to dogs!! Poor animal suffered because she’s a dipshit and she should never own another animal.
Let it lie. If she gets another dog, tell her then. Having that knowledge will not help her right now in the midst of her grief
There is absolutely no benefit in telling her, at least not any time in the near future. Maybe if she ever gets another dog.
The only way I could think of to subtly tell her would be to maybe find a short on YT talking about dangerous food for dogs. Then also watch some other shorts as well. Then while she’s around go to your history and “scroll” the shorts until you get back to it.
I just double checked and yes when you watch shorts it scrolls from the one you stopped on to where you started.
Imagine she has a friend that has a dog and she feeds that dog grapes because she remembered how much her dog loved grapes. She needs to know.
Wait until she gets another pet, .or when she’s accepted the loss. You never truly stop grieving for past pets but you learn to heal and live without a pet you love.
The last thing you need to do right now is point the blame finger at her and say it’s due to her feeding a toxic food to the dog.That will just compound the pain even more at this point. She needs time to process everything.
Sometimes in the future you’ll know when it’s time to bring it up and discuss your thoughts on the cause. She could also do an autopsy to find out if it was a toxin or.an underlying health problem
I would tell her, you don’t want her thinking that’s okay at other people’s houses
This is hard.
On one hand, she needs to know this information. Not specifically to feel bad, but so she doesn’t feed her next dog, or a friends dog grapes.
However, telling her now could very easily transform her grief into crushing guilt, and that won’t help her healing.
This is a tough call. I would tell her, but not now. But not too far in the future either.
maybe don’t tell her right now. wait a few weeks until she’s farther along in the healing process
She needs to know, in case she’s feeding other people’s dogs grapes as well.
Google grapes and dogs. I am not sure the grapes killed her dog. They are poisonous but how the dog dies and the symptoms don’t match up
This is one where when she gets a new dog find one of those videos that mentions all the foods that are dangerous to dogs and share it to her as something you have just discovered.
Let her know she is a moron. Before she kills another animal!
This is the worst thing I’ve ever read because of how tragic it is for her when she does find out. I’m so sorry OP, and so sorry for your friend. Please, don’t let her feed grapes or raisins to any other dogs by withholding this information. Maybe soften the blow by sending her something in a bit and say “woah did you know this about such a simple fruit? crazy” but she’ll still figure it out and tear herself apart. then you can be there for her in any way you can any maybe let her friends and family know she’s going through an even worse time so they can support her (without saying why). but you’re risking her accidentally (and with good intention) killing more dogs, not just her own, by not telling her.
tell her, she needs to know why
Don’t say anything unless she gets another dog.
I was going to make a snarky comment about y’all freaking out, but I honestly had NO idea how toxic grapes were to dogs. I just knew they couldn’t eat them, but never had any idea it was that bad.
Why doesn’t an animal group do a PSA?
If you can’t stop yourself, maybe someday say you have heard that some dogs are allergic to grapes.
Also. Maybe the dog actually died of a different cause. Wikipedia said that one study found of 150 dogs fed grapes, 50 developed symptoms and 7 of them died. I think you could be hesitant.
You could always just pretend you simply looked it up because she mentioned it and you had never seen a dog eat grapes before so you were curious and then you found out that it’s bad for dogs. Then she doesn’t have to feel dumb alone and maybe it’ll make her feel less guilty than if she found out you knew all along.
I mean, she should know to google everything she is going to feed to her dog before she does it. But obviously she didn’t. No point in making her feel worse. But if she doesn’t know about grapes, she probably doesn’t know about onions, garlic, xylitol (birch sugar). She probably only knows about chocolate. So she should definitely know these things before she gets another dog. It’s very sad, I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt the dog, but you don’t want it to happen again.
Listen, I know this is wild, but we had a miniature dachshund growing up and I’m not lying when I say we fed him grapes all. the. time. from the time he was a pup. He lived to be 15. (This was way before the internet). Without some type of testing, you really wont know exactly what caused his death. He was 10, that’s not young. I would just focus on comforting your friend for now.
She can get an autopsy done. It could’ve been something else but if it was the grapes the vet will tell her not you.
Don’t say anything right now. It serves no purpose in this moment and will only cause her more pain.
She just lost her friend, don’t go and tell her she murdered her friend. This is the kind of thing you talk about months from now. Even then it will be hard to hear. Move that timetable up if she’s gotten another dog or is dog sitting for someone. You have to tell her, but you don’t have to kick her while she’s down.
Oh no! That’s really, really sad.
Keep quiet ! Let her grieve…
Honestly the symptoms don’t match. This is a little bit Dr. Google and very unkind to your friend. I cannot in good conscience recommend anyone feed their dogs grapes or raisins. The randomness of which dogs it could harm is always there.
But if this was a lifelong routine then he just wasn’t sensitive to grapes.
Don’t feed your animals grapes or raisins. But this doesn’t read like acute kidney failure.
I’m sure someone else will tell her. Just console her for now. If she asks if you knew just say no. Sometimes a little lie is okay
Out of curiosity, did you know she’d been feeding her dog grapes prior to this?
Wait the next few days/weeks, see if she is asking her own questions once she is able to process this. She may do some research on her own and figure it out.
If she doesnt, I would wait until she thinks of getting another dog to say something, and I would do it in a way like, looking stuff up about dogs and “stumble” upon that fact. Read an article or something.
I’d wait a few weeks and let her know. It’s dangerous to not tell her.