My boyfriend (18m) and I (18f) recently did a big thing together: masturbation! We finally saw each other naked, and we decided to pleasure each other. I thought everything was overall great between us, but now he’s asking if we could have sex. A couple days ago I would’ve been happy to do it with him, but now I’m not so sure. The idea of sex is like losing a part of me. It should be with someone who will stay with you until your dying days. If you asked me months ago about it, I would list my boyfriend as the one. But now I’m not so sure.
So, we hung out today. We ended up kissing on my couch and he began to touch me like before. He tried to finger me, but I wasn’t in it. He kept going anyway. I couldn’t cum. After a while, he asked if we could have sex. We’ve been together for 3 (almost 4) years now, and he wanted to do it. He began kissing my breasts and thighs, but I just couldn’t go through with it. He got annoyed, got dressed, and then left. I feel so conflicted. I was okay with us doing the whole masturbation thing, but now I’m not for the real act of sex.
Is something wrong with me? I tried calling him a few times, but all I got was voicemail.
EDIT = I just wanted to say that I am NOT waiting to get married to have sex. I always saw my boyfriend as someone who’ll be with me for the long run. I wouldn’t have done those other sexual things if I didn’t see a future. However, his recent behavior with other girls made me not get in the mood for sex. He also hasn’t responded to my texts or calls.
tl;dr – boyfriend asked for sex and I kinda said no and now he won’t speak to me
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So he’s acting like a child and giving the silent treatment because you told him no?
And now you should return his favor! He is a gross person that doesn’t care about you. There is NOTHING wrong with you but there is something wrong with him! You are ready when you are ready and the person is the right person.
He is a child acting like a toddler that didn’t get what they wanted at the store.
He is a boy wanting to to be a man but can’t because he doesn’t understand how to be one. Dump him move on and in respect to you saying his behaviours with other girls….nah. He showed you who he is believe him.
Also please read this free pdf book by Lundy Bancroft: “why does he die that?”
https://ia801407.us.archive.org/6/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
It’s a fountain of information and knowledge that all of us females should know especially long before we start dating. Arm yourself because this shit is real and eye opening. This is a widely shared link and should be read. It will give you what to watch out for.
Love, this is not the man you want to lose your virginity to. Sex is natural, a real man would let it happen without being persistent and annoying and definitely a real man can handle the word no. I understand you’re young but even at his age, he should be able to uphold your boundaries without throwing a tantrum.
Your body isn’t something that can be negotiated!!
This ain’t it. You should never feel this way for no wanting to have sex.
And I can’t believe you’re wondering if somethings wrong with you 🥲
Everything’s wrong with him.
this is messed up smh 🤦♀️ considering his age, this behaviour isn’t surprising since guys this age crave sex.
girl from my experience, i’d be more cautious with his behaviour around other girls because if he can’t have sex with you, he’ll find someone easier to do it with
You have every right in the world to tell someone what they can do to you. He also can decide to move on. Honestly is that who you want to be with anyway?
Don’t allow him or anyone pressure you into having sex if you don’t want to.
If your boyfriend can’t respect your answer, then he’s trash.
3-4 years? Wow… yeah that’s not good and if he’s been faithful to you you’re lucky. Sex is a very natural thing and don’t think about it too much…
4 years lol that’s crazy 🤪
Dump this loser. You deserve someone that treats u like a queen, not giving u the silent treatment like some toddler upset over not getting a toy
A man who can’t be gracious when you say no is someone you should NEVER say yes to.
He’s being immature, disrespectful, and showing you that he’s not a safe person to have sex with. Trust your gut! There’s a reason you didn’t feel comfortable saying yes
Move on and stop contacting him.
Hes probably sexually frustrated, he’s human and loves you and it’s natural to get sexual with partner especially if 4 years?? If he remained faithful to you this whole time, then your a lucky gal. BUT Don’t be surprised if he cheats and fall for someone else. I’m just saying, you can say no of course, it’s your body but also, he’s a man who wants some lovn
Hi OP, long story short, you don’t have to go through sexual experience with anyone (including your bf) if you don’t wish to be. If he can’t accept this, or if you guys cannot come to an agreement on the sex matter, it really depends if you guys can continue in this relationship, well in this case it would be your bf as to what I perceived from yourself, you could. It’s better to have heart broke than regretting over something that you yourself that do not want but kind of forced into doing it, and then only to realize it’s not something that you want, with him. Just my 2 cents, cheers.
Nothing is wrong with you. Sex is a very intimate and serious act. You don’t get back your virginity. Don’t give in, hopefully he sees his mistakes.
This won’t change.
When i was 31, i dated a 48 year old. He would cross his arms, pout, then berate me any time i said no
It won’t change. He won’t change. This isn’t love, it’s control
As 18m I understand I’ve had to reject quite a few girls who just want one night stands but I don’t want to lose my virginity to just anyone. In this day and age i Rs hard to find a life partner
You’re very young, I would say don’t hold that high of an expectation for sex, it loses its specialness over time (but still always great). But regardless, it is down to you when you feel ready to do it (I remember I found it scary my very first time ever at 19 but it was positive and I was way less scared after) and whilst I can appreciate why he would be frustrated as you been together 4 years, its still an incredibly childish and awful response and you do not deserve this so no, nothing is wrong with you. I get the impression you guys probably have not communicated very clearly about this all and would recommend it. But either way, it is your body and you do whatever the hell you want with it and he should be respectful of your boundaries.
“The idea of sex is like losing a part of me. It should be with someone who will stay with you until your dying days.”
I think you will find as you go further into the adult world, a lot of people won’t be in a relationship with someone they aren’t sexually compatible with (depends on each persons values really, some care about it some don’t, people are all different and complex). Unless you’re a religious person, I really think your mindset will change about this coming from someone who had a similar view before (I’m not religious).
Hope this was helpful in some way. And TLDR yes he is an asshole and nothing is wrong with you.
Eew it would be so sad to lose your virginity to a guy like that. Don’t do it. He doesn’t deserve it fr.
Well ok.
He has an agenda. You have an agenda. And the ‘having sex part’ seems to be off a bit.
Him walking out… offside. You need to get there when you do. His sulking… well that just created more doubt and that should mean more time.
if you’ve been with him for 4 years, he should be able to respect your boundaries… maybe it’s time to move on. You should never be forced to do something you don’t want to do, and he should be able to take no for an answer! immature on his part lol
You guys are 18 years old. You’re making this a much larger deal than it ought to be. People who are 18 fuck like rabbits. Enjoy yourself. Life only gets more stressful as you get older.
Also, stop running to the internet to consult with the public board of directors on your dating life. Figure that out between yourselves.
The first time is nothing special at all. Get it out of the way so you can start getting to the good sex. Do NOT, however, have sex with someone who pushes you or makes you uncomfortable with it.
You are young, you don’t have to put up with this kind of behavior. If you are not in the mood for anything just say so.
Young guys don’t really have great judgement because of the combination if limited life experience and ragging hormones. When I was 18 I pretty much lived life like a charging rhino (horn and all). If something he’s doing is giving you the ick or he is flirtin’ with other girls set your boundaries. He has no right to be disrespectful to you.
He’s poutin’ because he didn’t get the goods. He’s hoping you will cave and have sex with him. Please don’t do this. It’s not respectful to you.
Sex is very important for a relationship, and one should not be in one if they feel incompatible and that it’s harming the relationship.
However, it’s also incredibly important on an individual level. If you’re not ready for sex, or just not ready for sex with him, if he’s any man at all, he will respect that.
And like I said, if you aren’t incompatible and it’s harming the relationship, it’s time to break up and move on. Especially with him acting like a child.
I hope you didn’t send nudes to him, because if you did, I fear he may be petty and vindictive enough to use them against you.