Hey, I (23F) have never done anything with anyone. I have never been in love. I have never kissed anyone. I have never been held. I just watch everyone around me get all these things and I’m fucking tired. I’m tired of watching everyone around me get what I want without even trying. I’m tired of being told that I’ll find someone and that I’ll find it when I least expect it. That shit makes me livid. I won’t. I am unattractive, selfish, and mentally ill. The resentment I feel for my friends alone is enough proof that there is something wrong with the way I think. I hate it. I just want to be normal. I get internally angry when my friends so much as kiss their fucking partners in front of me. I’ve never done or said anything out loud, but it just hurts me. Love is always around me and it is never for me. Nothing seems to be for me. I have tried so hard. I have gone to the ends of the earth, and nothing has ever come of it. I am so lost and empty. I just want to know how to stop caring that I will never be married. I want to stop caring about my friends being in love. I want to be normal. Don’t tell me to go to therapy. A therapist will not love me. A therapist cannot fix me. I want to be normal. How do I stop letting my loneliness eat away at me? How do I stop caring that I’m alone? Can I at all?
I am the loneliest I’ve ever been
r/Advice
Comments
A therapist may not love you but they will help you with how you are thinking. They will help you figure out a way to deal with life. Start looking for one. You need to work on this.
Do not go into the therapist with an attitude that they cannot help you. You have to lean into it.
To expect to be truly loved, is to first love yourself.
Self love includes self care. I think you should take some time to reflect and reshape how you are talking to yourself and find that beauty and value in who you are as a single being.
Happiness is from within, but loneliness is valid. Your love will find you I am sure – perhaps you will find solace in therapy, and some steps toward acknowledging the marvelous and unique creature that is you.
I know you said not to tell you to go to a therapist, but they are there to give you access to tools that help you connect to yourself and reshape that inner monologue.
There is no shame in that journey, only discovery and growth ❤️
This too shall pass 🙂
Counseling may be the only answer. Sorry. You’re 23 so there is no way you’ve been to the ends of the earth yet. But people telling you “you’ll find it when you least expect it”? That’s bad advice. It might be true, but it’s not helpful. The truth is this:
If you want someone to share your life with, you have to make your life into something worth sharing.
Another person won’t make you happy. And if you aren’t happy alone, you aren’t likely to be very good company, so others just won’t be drawn to you. You need to quit hyper-focusing on this one part of life and work on making every other part of your life better. When you reach the point where you are actually happy and don’t feel like you need anyone to complete you and are not sitting about resenting other couples, THAT is when people will start being drawn to you left and right.
I’m a woman (30s, married – yes I know that’s annoying). Just wanted to share my context.
Here’s the thing, you don’t want to go to therapy. Very clearly. So you’ve basically said “I don’t want to work on myself or ever be “healthy” minded enough to have a real relationship” … and then you’re angry about not having a real relationship.
If you came here to vent … ok. But if not, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t refuse to work on yourself and act out angry and then also attract someone loving and peaceful. It’s like you’re asking for two things, you know?
I’m not surprised you’re tired, OP. It’s exhausting being resentful and defensive and angry all the time. Your writing is like a ball of hot anger … you’re only 23. I have to ask … why is finding a partner so important to you? I ask because it wasn’t for me at your age. I know, people are different. I’m just asking.
honestly i get how you feel. a therapist can help you with understanding urself better, after that, u should join some clubs, a passtime or a pursue a hobby. go out and get drinks with ur coworkers. get on a dating app, ask for blind dates. dont try to impress someone or date simply to be in a relationship. be yourself but be strong. it’ll come, you just need to love yourself and those around you
Dm me I can help. I’m around your age M and in a similar situation. We can help each other and who knows?
Well, learning to love yourself is a big step. Just focus on 1 or 2 things as you love about yourself. If you can’t find one, then think of one as much as you can. Also, I have a similar type of resentment. The way I cope with it is listening to music and working out. Also, if you haven’t, you should try talking to and approaching guys you are into. Dont beat yourself up. It looks arent everything, and most people view themselves as less, dont let the thoughts get you down.
Have you taken a blood test? Hormone levels and any deficiencies or anything. It looks like you are fighting against yourself, not just your mind, but your body as well. Body affects the intensity of your drive, motivation, mood to do anything. One thing I try to do is, I try to think of it as setting myself up for success. What are the precursors I need to do. Everything you are is mostly a pattern, things you can change. This may sound like something you have heard so many times. But it’s the truth. You can change almost all of your behaviors and thought patterns and more you do, you will see more opportunities.
I suffered some trauma, and was in depression for years. Nobody tells you what you do wrong, what’s pushing people away. I had to learn and figure out myself, I was filled with hate, jealousy and all that. But there is healthier, better way of thinking, of looking at things. More I made myself healthier, I found better people. I curbed almost all hatred, jealousy, I still work on it, but yeah.
You are in the prime of your life to make a positive impact on your whole life. Don’t think of life as what it is now, think of it in 5 years from now. How much can you build, for the future you. Set her up for success.
What way of thinking is fruitful, what’s destructive, what’s attractive qualities in a person besides beauty. Our emotions, and thoughts and habits can affect our facial muscles as well, with fluid retention, how it stores fat, stress plays alot of role too.
Attack one aspect a time, or attack things you can change immediate that will give you leverage and go from there.
Loneliness can be cruel, but being with someone that starts to hate you or managing a person can be really hard too.
If you want the best, give yourself and work on setting yourself up for success, by sculpting every part of you, second of you while being true to your core.
As kids, when we go through something bad, we develop coping mechanisms that aren’t accurate or useful, some people keep it to the end of times, we have to update it. If life was good, we may never develop the skill or resilience to handle many things.
Becoming healthier in mind and body, changes every aspect of your life and brings your dreams closer. It gives you peace, self content and everything you need.
How overweight are you?
Men like women that are skinny.
Bruh you just described the average male experience , as long as you ain’t overweight you can find someone. I mean even in this dating economy guys would date overweight women , just lower your standards and make the first move.
Learn to be your best relationship. Partnerships come and go. Hell so do kids and parents. You are your own longest relationship. Learn to make it the best and the rest will follow.
What do you do with your time? Hobbies?
What things do you do that make you feel happy or content?
What do you do as a creative outlet?
How are you investing in making your space (ie: room/home) a beautiful place that makes you happy?
How are you practice self care?
Are you medicated for your mental illness?
How are you nurturing your social circle?
How are you creating opportunities for new people to come into your life?
You have the power to craft a beautiful life.. how are you investing in the life you want?