I’ve been in a committed relationship with my partner for over two years now. On the outside, we look happy, everything seems perfect, and I love them deeply-at least, I thought I did. But for the past few months, something has shifted. I’ve developed feelings for someone else. It started innocently enough-a flirtatious comment here, a lingering glance there-but now it’s become something I can’t ignore. The attraction has turned into a full-blown obsession. I can’t stop thinking about them, and when we’re together, it’s electric. The chemistry is undeniable, and the things I’ve thought about doing with this person are things I’ve never even considered with my partner. Every time I’m with my partner, I feel like a liar, like I’m faking my affection. I’m ashamed of how easily I’ve let this happen. The guilt is overwhelming, but the desire I feel for this other person is something I can’t shake. I’ve been keeping it a secret, and I’m terrified of how it would shatter my partner if they knew. The thought of losing everything we’ve built is terrifying, but I also wonder if it’s time to face the truth—maybe I’ve outgrown my relationship, or maybe I’ve just been ignoring a part of me that was always there. I don’t know what to do. Do I keep pretending everything is fine, or do I risk it all for something I’m not sure will even work? Either way, I feel like I’m losing myself in this mess.
Comments
You should confess, the longer you wait the more hurtful it will be for your significant other, and from there THEY can decide whether or not the relationship is worth saving.
Damn, that’s a rough spot to be in. But feelings, no matter how intense, don’t excuse hurting someone who trusts you. The fact that you feel this level of guilt probably means you already know something needs to change. Either you figure out what’s missing in your current relationship and try to fix it, or you admit that you’ve emotionally checked out and do the right thing before anything messy happens. So take this as you will and make your own decision
The fact that you’re feeling this much guilt means you already know the answer. The worst thing you can do is keep pretending. Be honest with your partner, they also deserve that. Love isn’t just about feelings; it’s about choices.
I’m so glad I’m aromantic.
I think on some level, it’s normal to have fleeting “crushes” while in a relationship, as long as you never act on it of course. However, this is clearly something much bigger, and it seems to be a mutual thing. If it’s already gotten to the point of flirting, then it’s already crossed a line. It might also be pointing to bigger issues you had within your relationship that you hadn’t realized were there