My boyfriend (F 17) and I (M 17) have been together for 11 months, he has many friends and I, on the other hand, have few friends and I practically never go out with them, he often goes out with his friends which doesn’t bother me, only that yesterday a friend of his invited him to have lunch with him, his girlfriend and another friend, I know them all apart from his friend’s girlfriend so I asked if I could come too since I never go out with him and his friends but since someone was bringing his girlfriend I wanted to be there too. He told me directly no and when I asked why he made excuses, “you don’t know them well enough” “you don’t have the money to go out tomorrow” and all that, I was upset and we talked for a while, even though I was angry because he had a chance to take me with him.
The next day (today) he writes to me that he’s there and sends and that there are 2 more friends, I’m already feeling bad and I’m angry that I’m not there and he had to invite me since he never invites me to anything even if his friends bring their girlfriends, he’s pissed off at me calling me crazy and hysterical and unbearable and that he wants to leave me because I’m angry that he doesn’t even show me to his friends and he’s only fine with going out in private with me, I don’t see the problem with me asking why he never wants to bring me even if it’s an event with other people’s girlfriends.
I don’t know what to do, I want a man who takes me with him and shows me to anyone, not someone who hides me on purpose. Please help me because I don’t know how to fix it or what to say. Am I the bad guy because I wanted to be invited to a lunch with his friends and their girlfriends?
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You’re not the bad guy here. At 17, relationships should feel open and supportive, not hidden. If he’s making excuses to keep you separate from his friends, that says more about him than you. You deserve someone proud to have you by their side don’t settle for less.
NTA. Wanting your boyfriend to include you when his friends bring their partners is not “crazy” or “hysterical” it’s a normal expectation in a relationship. His excuses (“you don’t know them well enough,” “you don’t have money”) don’t hold up, and then he went anyway with even more people there. That’s not you overreacting, that’s him shutting you out.
You deserve someone who’s proud to bring you around, not someone who hides you and insults you for asking to be included.
NTA. He should want his friends and girlfriend to know each other on a certain level. Lunch is a perfect opportunity to meet them. Also the money aspect, he could pay for you to eat too. Him calling you crazy and hysterical isn’t right. You are completely valid. Him saying he wants to leave you over this is fucked up. Don’t beg for his love and attention. If he’s gonna threaten a break up over this then I would consider doing it to him first.
You’re not the bad guy here. He’s treating you like a dirty little secret. Break up with him.
YTA. I mostly agree with your boyfriend. In short, it is not appropriate to punish or continue to arrange him for saying no to a request you have made, even if you have a strong and well-founded disagreement with something he is doing. You should continue to talk it out during appropriate opportunities for civil conversation, but for now, no means no.
Being told no is not a reason for an argument then and there about someone’s entire character or pattern of behavior. The conversation can occur, maybe it’s a trigger. But it’s not the right time to dump it all at once on someone.
In this case, he made his plan already. Right or wrong, it would be difficult for him to change it. You had the conversation and he’s now on notice, but that doesn’t mean he can change this plan today.
I’m especially not impressed at your decision to get “angry” at him again on the same exact incident after you’d already had your conversation. It’s done. Get over it. Made a demand for him to invite you next time if you must, but the decision for this event has been made for him to go without you.
[Edit: No, my opinion on the last two paragraphs does not change on this even with the new information that other people came along. Let him enjoy his event, talk to him afterward about what can or should be different.]
And what is this nonsense about “he doesn’t show me his friends” when you already know them?
Make this a make-or-break if you must. Either he agrees to invite you next time or he doesn’t. But leave him alone about this event.
Emotions are responses to a situation.
Your mind and body are telling you to get away from him.
Plus the bad part for YOU is exposing yourself to being emotionally manipulated by a BF. It can cause PTSD later in life. Not good.
Dump him
YTA because you are letting yourself be used by someone who thinks you are too embarrassing to bring around.
He’s hiding something from you. What he’s doing isn’t a normal relationship. When you care for someone you’re not going to hide them from your friends, you’d be proud to have them by your side. NTAH, but he’s a big AH!
I think it’s legitimate for you to want to get to know his friends and be part of his social life. That’s part of a relationship. His behavior is very suspicious. Also, it’s cruel of him to turn the situation around: you told him your feelings and your frustration/sadness and he’s also portraying himself as a victim!
You’re worth something, he’s not. I hope you can break away from him
Bet he has another GF in the picture!
Leave him have self respect
Break up with him girl. Your boyfriend should want to show you off and for you to meet his friends. He’s isolating you and manipulating you. He’s disrespecting you and putting you down. You’re only 17, this boy isn’t worth it girl. Someone that truly loves you will care about how their actions affect you. He clearly doesn’t. You’ll be at peace with not having to deal with his games and confusion he’s giving by you. Please break up with him. It’ll only get worse if you continue to stay.
NTA. He has to be hiding something for him to not invite you out with his friends or he’s ashamed of you.
The couple of boyfriends I’ve had in my teenage years have always asked me to come out with them and that’s to rugby games, out to lunch or to the beach which are all very public places.
“You don’t know them well”. Uhh how else are you supposed to get to know other people if you’re at home. Such a shitty comment made by your EX. Yes, I said ex. Leave him. You deserve someone who isn’t afraid to have you go along with them to events and loves the person you are.
You’re still young. Don’t settle for this crap. Look after yourself and someone will come along one day that will treat you how you want to be treated.
I got back together with my high school boyfriend right before I turned 20. In the six months we were together we went to dinner once on my birthday and I paid for my birthday pizza…then he went out with his friends just like every single Saturday night of those six months.
Please treat yourself better by breaking up with him and never ever getting back together. He’s disrespecting you.
I look back at how he treated me and am so thankful we didn’t stay together because I can imagine how selfish he would have been in a marriage.
Found a great guy a week after I moved away and we’ve been married for 45 years.
Nta. I had a dude do similar, and yeah, it ended quickly. This is not how a relationship should be, and you deserve better.
NTA
Nta ironically I used to be that guy now married to same girl for 31 years
You’re so young. My love, please learn how to respect yourself more. He doesn’t value you the way he should so you need to learn to know your own worth. The person you choose to be in a relationship with should make you feel GOOD about yourself. And when they say words that confuse you, pretend you can’t hear and just look at their actions. That will tell you all you need to know about them. He is deliberately excluding you. You neither want nor need someone like that in your life. You can do better , I promise. Even if you don’t believe that right now. You absolutely can do better than this guy.
If he is going out with just his friends, he can go alone, but if it is an event where his friend’s bring their gfs, he needs to bring you as well. The fact that he is still doing this after 11 months is a reason that you MUST break up with him. You deserve somebody who values you and treats you with respect. He is the bad guy, and there is no way to fix him
Yall are 17. Chill the fuck out. Maybe consider letting him go since he seems do secretive of you.