I 26F had a threesome with my bestie 28F and her husband 30?M. They’ve been together over 5 years. We had fun twice earlier this year, no emotions involved. Her husband is super supportive of her discovering her bisexuality and I am a safe and also bicurious person so we all explored together and it was fun! I learned how to have fun sex through them, honestly.
Months later I’m dating a guy 28M exclusively and I think I’m falling for him. We’ve been together just over a month, talked for about a month prior. We met like three months after this experience with my friends. But I didn’t expect to fall into a relationship, and am not sure how to breech this topic. I love my bestie and her husband platonically, and would never do anything behind my bf’s back, and won’t do anything with them again now that I’m in this relationship, which they respect ofc. I want to believe my bf will trust me enough to know I wouldn’t cheat, and I want to believe he won’t lose trust in me if I hang with my bestie again like 1v1. Or that he won’t have some sort of jealousy or upset feelings knowing a guy was involved (even tho he did not penetrate me) . She doesn’t live here anymore, a state away (USA based), so I don’t see her often.
I don’t want to hide anything. I’m not a liar or secret keeper. My anxiety is through the roof. I don’t want to lose a friend because of a new bf, which maybe is a stretch to worry about since he doesn’t know about this fwb situation from months ago and maybe he’d be chill about it, but I don’t want it to be a thing that I “hid” from him if it comes out someday.
How do I bring this up? How do I assure him I’m his? I know I can’t control his feelings or actions. I just don’t even know how to approach this in a mature way. I have no intentions of blind siding him, but also don’t want to lose good people because of the feelings of a partner in a new relationship over something that happened before we even met. Typing this I know my partner is understanding, mature, patient, and cares about me a lot as I do him so I know I should be comfortable telling him but I’m just scared Because I care..
Thanks so much for the advice, I’ll try to respond to comments.
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Just tell him . Just be upfront with him . Being honest is the best thing for a relationship . You got this girl
Don’t bring it up until it’s worth mentioning you’re not hiding anything but if it’s spoken of and you hide it then ya could be bad.
Why would you?
You need to tell him sooner rather than later, and be fully transparent about it.
Many people would not be comfortable being in a relationship with someone who had a threesome with their best friend and their spouse, but plenty would be fine with it. You don’t know which group he falls into until you tell him. And to be clear, neither perspective is right or wrong.
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Something along the lines of “Hey, I want you to know I really like you and now that things are getting more serious I want to be completely open with you.” Then just tell him.
I’d make it more of a confession of the depth of my feelings and a display of my trust and seriousness with the relationship.
I would absolutely respect you for making the point to tell me earlier. Later in the relationship would break the trust we built together. Plus, I would suggest we try our own eventually
Just pick a time, take a deep breath, and go. You do need to address the fact that these people are going to continue to be in your life and you’re going to remain close to them. You know that this will be really awkward for him and runs a good chance of being a dealbreaker. Doesn’t make either of you wrong. He will probably need some time to digest it before making any decisions.
Normally your past is your past and gone but always with the health warning about anything he might find out from someone else whether by accident or deliberately. I think this is one that you need to get out of the way now while your relationship can still be broken up fairly easily if he reacts badly. This would be much worse if he finds out 2 or 3 years or a child from now and it’s a full on deal breaker for him. Unfortunately one of the possible results of this is you have to choose between your friends and your boyfriend so prepare yourself well.
Tell him if he’s going to meet them. Don’t let him walk into that room without the knowledge.
I just wouldn’t tell him I’m ngl, what are the chances he’d even find out ? You don’t have to share every sexual encounter you’ve ever had with your partner, some things are better kept private as long as you know within yourself that you’d never do wrong by him now that you’re together. Sometimes things are shared to me by my partner that happened before me and I’m like why tf would he even tell me that, just adds a new thing to be anxious about.
U don’t
Don’t
You have to tell him soon and it can be a dealbreaker. Accept that.
If it happened before you started dating him, he can’t really be upset about it as such. However it is possible the whole thing will creep him out and it may come down to him asking you not to see them anymore – you may be put in a position of him or your bestie.
There’s no way you can maintain friendships with people you’ve had sex with and your current partner has to deal with that. It’s disrespectful and inconsiderate. Life is about choices. How can you date this couple without disturbing your current boyfriend’s mind? There’s no way he’ll take you seriously. If you want a relationship with him, you have to demonstrate that in practice. Just talking and chatting means absolutely nothing.
Just my point of view…What happened in your past doesn’t need to be brought up in a relationship and be seen as hidden. If you force this info out because you feel some way or another is only benefiting yourself and may come across as feeling guilty. I recommend it coming out naturally. I.E. both of you start talking about things you would like to try or are open to try in the future. This could lead to questions of how the past was and if either of you experienced some of that in the past. You simply not bringing up your past is not lying nor misleading. There are things that may never be brought up from your past and that is OK. IMO when information comes out naturally it is easier to digest and both parties can process it without heavy emotions involved.
Be ready to share your past experiences is a great thing but should never come out forcefully. If you lie about it when it comes up, that is more dangerous to the relationship than the past staying in the past.
I think he should know that you are bicurious. If I were him I would want to know if you miss being with women if he expects you to be monogamous. Based on his response, I would continue to go deeper into revealing the past to see what he’s able to accept. Also if he didn’t want you to remain platonic friends with someone you are attracted to, would you still stay with him?
Why do you need to talk about it at all? Did he ask? I haven’t told my gfs about everything I did with every ex
Just show him the video.
Don’t tell him a thing. Some things are better left in the past.
You’re better asking for a man’s opinion on this. You’re risking ruining your relationship for absolutely no reason.
Honestly, even if he is interested in knowing or not. Tell him. Honest communication is always best. Especially if he is ever to be around them. Never put him in the situation of having to hear that from someone else. It could end up being really embarrassing for both of you.
Don’t hide this. You need to tell him the truth so he can talk to you about what boundaries he needs going forward.
Idk. You didn’t do anything wrong.
90% chance your bf is turned on that you’re into threesomes.
10% chance he’s a super jealous loser and he can’t handle this news. If he freaks out and acts like a baby, just know you dodged a bullet.
Tell him. Frame it as you being honest because you care about him trusting you.
If he is immature about it then he’s Not the right guy.