My friend is a sophomore in college and back in January his mom died. I wasn’t exactly close to her but we had conversations together a couple times, and it hurt hearing she passed. I’ve been trying to be there for him, but ever since she died he’s been very distant when it comes to talking about her. Today, he finally talked about her and how he cried alot cause yesterday was Mom’s day at his college. What can I do? This is the first time he’s opened up to anyone and I don’t want him to close me off again.
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Guys are usually pressured to not show any vulnerable feelings. It’s why he’s hesitant. One way you can cheer him up and show that you don’t care about social norms is to get him a flower bouquet. I’ve never seen a single thread about gift advises for men that didn’t include wishing they got flowers for a change
Ask the florist for a cheerful and brightly colored arrangement. You’re a good friend, I hope you can help đź«‚
Just be there sitting beside him, holding his hand. Silence is okay, as is saying whatever is natural. Stay away from cliches like “in heaven now” or “for the best”. Stick with “this is rough” and “sometimes things just are not fair”. Take care of small things: people in grief someone’s forget the basics, from eating lunch to remembering to wear a coat to feeding the cat. You can’t take care of it all, but find the little things you are comfortable doing.
I am so sorry for what happened to your friend… it’s tough, just be there, sometimes just to listen, hold him and tell him that his feelings are completely valid. He can count on you and you will listen and help in whatever way he wants you to. Grief is weird and we all do it differently. But talking about his feelings, emotions and whatever goes through his head is healthy! Suggest a very good grief group/therapy… but just be there when he wants/needs you… and ask him how you can help.
Validation means a lot. If you can, try to find ways to communicate that his grief is normal. Let him know it’s okay to be sad, because something terribly sad happened.
I let people talk- I don’t probe. It’s served me well. People have to deal with their grief, guilt, anger, etc. in their own time. Just be there for your friend but don’t bring it up unless he wants to talk about it.
Listen and be a shoulder to cry on, a safe place that he knows no one else will hear what he says.
Just letting him know you’re there to listen and that you are so sorry he is going through this. You can aknowledge you don’t know what he’s going through, but you can listen. (I say this b/c when my mom died and good friends tried to tell me their ‘insights’ I wanted to kick them off the cliff. They had zero idea what I was going through.)
PS: You’re a great person for reaching out to ask for help with this.