My son (23) dated Natalie (22) when he was in high school. She got pregnant after her freshman year of college when she was visiting my son. They got married before she had the baby (23 months f) and moved about 6 hours away to an area with a lower cost of living. My son was going to be a doctor but chose to be a police officer instead because he couldn’t afford med school and a baby. Natalie doesn’t work.
Natalie does attachment parenting. She has the baby in a carrier, they sleep in the same room or bed, and she’s still nursing. The baby is inconsolable when Natalie’s not there.
I was visiting for a week and on the 3rd day Natalie went out with her friend after getting the baby to sleep. She came back at 2am very clearly drunk. The baby was awake when she came home. At that point she had been up for an hour and I had just gotten her to calm down. She was almost asleep when Natalie picked her up and tried taking her back to their bed.
I took the baby back from Natalie and told her she was in no shape to sleep next to the baby. The baby started screaming, which caused my son to get up. I told him what happened, expecting him to agree that a baby shouldn’t be sleeping next to a drunk woman but he took Natalie’s side and said she knows what she’s doing.
The next morning my son came to me and said Natalie was upset about me taking the baby and said I had to apologize or get out. I told him I wasn’t going to apologize for trying to protect my grand daughter from a drunk college student and he told me to pack my bags and get out of his house before Natalie woke up. I was not allowed to say bye to the baby either.
My daughter says I was overstepping and that Natalie is a good mom and won’t put the baby in danger but my friends agree that Natalie taking the baby was not safe and my son kicking me out was an overreaction.
AITA for taking my granddaughter from my drunk DIL
Comments
You interfered with your son and his wife. YTA – even if kicking you out might have been an overreaction – but that depends on what happened before this incident, doesn’t it?
NTA but if you are truly concerned for the baby’s well being, it is time to call CPS.
I mean she shouldn’t be drinking while nursing either but YTA. you were worried about … what exactly ? All you said is “it’s not safe” … according to you?
Mind your own business and give them room to parent.
But natalie would have been sleeping with her husband who wasn’t drunk and the baby could have slept in the carrier as normal.
NTA. You were putting the child’s safety first.
DIL is okay to go out and drink. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s also nothing wrong with waking a sleeping child and wanting child to sleep in bed with their mother BUT not when she’s intoxicated.
EITA. Yes your over stepped. Yes, Natalie was clearly not in a condition to take the baby to bed.
You should apologize to her, explain where your concern was coming from.
Remember, he is and will always be your son, but he is an adult and his priorities are to his family (wife and baby) first.
So much MY in this story. If your son is a cop. I’m sure he is more qualified to determine drunkness than you are. There were 2 parents in the room. At least one of those parents was sober. Why did you need to take THEIR child?
You clearly don’t approve of attachment parenting because that limits your ability to play mommy with their child.
YTA. This is none of your business. Your son was home and sober.
I’m not a huge fan of this attachment parenting. Of course mom/dad and baby should be close but babies need a bit of space to explore and develop closer bonds with people other than mom and dad. But yeah, LW, you should have given the baby to its mother as soon as asked no questions asked. If you think this is something that happens all of the time, then maybe call CPS if needed.
23 months. You mean almost two (2) years old?! Drunk mom is wrong, but that’s also hardly a baby anymore
Edit: I have now gone back and reread the story. While I cannot speak directly to the veracity of any of the goings-on described, I will say it all sounds heavily slanted in a way that calls into question OP’s honesty. There appears to be some manner of resentment. Perhaps from the 6 hour move. I don’t know, I’m still trying to figure out if OP is saying that the child is 2 years old and still bjorn-ing and nursing, or if the age was a typo and the child is 2-3 months
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YTA! Your drunk DIL is “HER” mother. Your son was in the room with your DIL. He wasn’t drunk.
Your son was right to not side with you. You crossed a boundary and invaded their private space and their rules. The baby wasn’t at risk. You have control issues, and you are extremely dismissive of your granddaughter’s mother, who just happens to be your DIL.
By the tone of this post it seems like you blame Natalie for getting pregnant and your son not going to med school.
Also you are not the mother of the baby. As long as Natalie is not breast feeding the baby when the alcohol is in her system and not hurting the baby in any way you have nothing to worry about. Trust your son to put the baby’s best interest above all else. If Natalie is doing something to hurt the baby and your son knows and not doing anything then your son is also equally responsible for the negligence. If all is fine then you have no reason to interfere.
Respect their boundaries. You are the grandmother, not the parent. The parents always trump grandparents. Watch and observe from afar, if there is any real danger then voice your concerns to the authority, otherwise don’t go ruining a family
YTA
The tone of your post clearly shows you have no respect for the mother of this baby, that you don’t like her, and you have resentment towards her.
You overstepped your position and “clearly drunk” doesn’t really mean a whole lot to me because it sounds like you have issues with her having a life outside of her being a mother.
I would have kicked you out for what you said, too.
Sounds like the two of them need to never invite you over for another visit, ever. And no, kicking you out was NOT an overreaction. YTA
INFO: how many other times have you overstepped their relationship/parenting decisions? How many times has your son asked you to respect their boundaries? How did you determine that she was too drunk to be near the baby? Why do you hate her?
Ooof. Had the baby been very tiny and they were co sleeping then that would have been dangerous and a very high risk of cot death. Maybe mention this to your son in case they have another baby and he’s unaware. Less risky for a toddler. The fact that your son is chill about it suggests it maybe happens quite often when you’re not there. But at the end of the day it’s their risk to take. ESH.
NTA. Unfortunately, your son has blinders on and being a police officer he should know better especially when it comes to intoxication and child safety.
Sorry to say but your son is an AH like his wife.
Update, please.
Play chess, not checkers.
NTA if they were bed sharing.
You don’t bed share when you impaired.
That’s how infants get rolled over on and smothered.
It’s very clear from your post that you neither like nor respect your DIL. You should consider that those feelings are clouding your judgement, and spilling over onto your relationship with your son.
Also, YTA for trying to take the baby instead of letting your adult son deal with his family.
Yta
Stay in your lane
YTA – you referred to her as a “drunk college student” as if she’s not that child’s MOTHER. You’re also acting as if this is a tiny little baby, she’s a toddler! If anyone is overreacting here, it’s you. I’m proud of your son for standing up to you and sticking up for his wife.
YTA. You absolutely overstepped and he did the right thing standing by his wife. Good luck ever being allowed to see that kid again.
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YTA. You don’t like your dil. It’s obvious you feel she ruined your son’s life. You keep referring to her as a college student. Lots of parents are college students. So what. Your son was home and sober. Attachment parent is a good thing. You owe your son and dil an apology or expect to see a lot less of them.
YTA you overstepped and I think you hold a lot of resentment about your son not becoming a doctor. He was in the room and sober and he made the life choice he made for his career, his partner that you clearly don’t like and his child. Your DIL is allowed to have a fun night without you interfering and keeping her daughter from her. Your granddaughter was screaming bc you were keeping her from her mother you asshole.
YTA
You wrote a lot of stuff in this post that shows your strong dislike/bias towards your DIL. Your son making his own choice to not go to med school wasn’t relevant to the story, and you mentioned Natalie doesn’t work when it wasn’t relevant to the story. On top of that, you said she doesn’t work but then you decided to refer to her as a drunk college student and not the child’s mother which shows you conveniently left out that it’s not that she doesn’t work, she’s actually in school.
You overstepped here and really need to work on your attitude towards your son’s wife and mother of your grandchild.
YTA. It sounds like the issue is you didn’t like that she had a few drinks with friends. If the issue was concerns about co-sleeping while drunk, you would have said that. Instead you conveyed that she’s not a good mom.
You owe them both an apology.
You use “college student” as if it’s a problem, and means she’s not qualified to be a parent.
You say “she got pregnant” as if your son had nothing to do with it.
You felt you had to “protect your granddaughter,” from her mother, but your son didn’t feel there was a threat.
There’s information missing, but you obviously don’t like your dil, and blame her for your son’s life not going to plan.
Apologizing won’t kill you.
I’m going to guess you don’t have much experience with drunk people. That is not how you get your way with drunk people. A better approach would have been “oh dear, you look exhausted! Must have been a fun night! Why don’t you let me keep the baby tonight, so you can get your rest! I’ve pretty much gotten her down at this point!” probably would have worked better. As a mom, I understand your concern and would be concerned as well. But in this case, you should have taken the chance to apologize so you could still see your granddaughter. You don’t have to necessarily mean it, but you have to sound like you do and act like you do, because otherwise-you get removed from the guest list real quick. I’d send her a small gift/flowers and call to personally apologize, if you’d like to see your grandbaby again any time in the next few years. You know how we can be as mothers if we feel someone insulted our parenting-even if it’s deserved. And your pride wont get you where you want to be in this case.
About 10 years ago, my friend’s child was accidentally smothered by an uncle who was sleeping in the same bed as the child. The aunt had been babysitting the child and had put the child down for a nap in the center of her large bed. Her husband (the child’s uncle) had been drinking that afternoon while working in his yard. He decided that he would nap with the baby. Long story short, he ended up accidentally rolling over on the baby, smothering the baby, apparently unaware that he had done so while sleeping. The child survived but with severe brain damage and has to have round the clock medical care. So, I say NTA at all OP. She was trying to prevent this type of tragedy. So sad that she was made out to be the bad guy in this situation.
Does she not work or is she a college student who is also caring for her child?
Now we know why they moved 6 hours away
While I agree with your sentiment, YTA. End of the day, it’s her kid. Drunk is a relative term, she was able to get home, able to get to bed, able to pick the kid up. So, she wasn’t so intoxicated to be a danger to herself or others. As others have pointed out, your son was sober. You said your piece and should move on. I don’t agree with their parenting styles. I could never share a bed with my kid. I don’t drink in front of my kids, and they’ve never seen me drunk nor will they ever. But, that’s my style. Not there’s.
YTA. Prepare for them to go no contact with you in the near future.
YTA – I Cant wait to read this again later on r/amithedevil
Have her watch forensic Doctor Michael
Baden’s program where he deals with a mother who lost 2 children to what she considers SIDS, but which he concluded was her rolling over and smothering the infants while drunk.
So that tramp trapped your poor son, ruined his life, and obviously derailed his clear path towards being a distinguished doctor that you could proudly proclaim from the highest mountains. Then she has the nerve to take care of YOUR grandchild 24/7, except then she put her to bed and went traipsing through bars, staying out all hours of the night. Ugh, the nerve. Then she comes home to her child, who has been awake and upset for at least an hour and continues to parent her own child. Because one sip or ten glasses doesn’t matter, she is a worthless, drunk, (shudder) college student. The nerve.
*OP, I’m going to clearly state that this is all sarcasm and absolutely YTA. I don’t trust your narrative that she was in a state drunkenness so severe she wasn’t safe for her child. From your own descriptions, you have zero respect for her as a wife, mother, or person. If you can’t trust your own son’s judgment that his daughter was safe, then you have much bigger issues.
YTA, you keep calling her a “drunk college student” like she’s a child. She’s a grown adult that knows her own limitations a lot better than you do. It’s not a newborn baby, they’re a toddler and they had both parents with them in bed. Your son is a police officer, he’s seen his fair share of drunk people in the past so he knows if a situation is dangerous or not. You have absolutely no right to take someone’s baby off of them, who the hell do you think you are? At least your son is a good man, a good father and a good husband.
You very clearly look down on your DIL, made clear with the constant calling her a “drunk college student”, you’ll be lucky to ever see your Grandchild again with your attitude problem.
The child shouldn’t be sleeping next to a “drunk college student”? You mean the child’s mother…and sober father. YTA, and I can smell the contempt from here.
NTA. So we wait until we get to where this is a dead infant due to mom suffocating them after she passes out?!
Your son settled for this chick and this chick isn’t taking parenting serious if she’s out partying and comes home toasted
I’m sorry it’s turned out this way. You don’t owe her or them an apology. This is gonna have a sad ending I’m afraid
Start sending your son articles of parents who rolled over on their children and suffocated them. One guy was found guilty of murder and S/A but they discovered s/a didn’t actually happen and it was a tragic accident where he held her so tight because he didn’t want her to roll off the bed, he crushed her in his sleep. If she sleeps with the baby next to her tho, while drunk? stupid. reckless.
YTA your sons a cop, he can determine if she was under the influence
Also she is NOT some drunk college student she is the MOTHER
Learn some goddamn respect!
>I told him I wasn’t going to apologize for trying to protect my grand daughter from a drunk college student
The way you talk about your DIL speaks volumes about you. You just had to point out that she doesn’t work, but is obviously in college and has a toddler (not a baby), so I’m sure she has her hands full.
I don’t know how drunk she was, but your son, the father of the child and a cop, thought it was okay. I’m not saying he’s necessarily right, but I’m more inclined to believe him. YTA
Give yourself a pat on the back for raising such an amazing son. Every woman deserves a partner that can stand up to their overbearing, judgmental mother. He was right to kick you out because you were way over the line. You have now entered the found out stage. Learn from this because they don’t have to let you around their family at all, point blank period. YTA.
She’s not a baby, she’s a 2 year old. What exactly was going to happen to her?
I think if you were honest with yourself this really wasn’t about the child at all. You were just being judgemental and passive aggressive while weaponising the child.
Reading between the lines you’re still not over the fact your son chose supporting his partner and child over becoming a doctor
1000% YTA. I think you need to take a long look at yourself and why you resent your DIL for “getting pregnant” and “preventing” your son from going to med school. He is an adult who got his wife pregnant, and made his own career choice. You clearly lack respect for her. It was extremely evident when you referred to her as a drunk college student, as if she’s not the baby’s mother and as if being a college student, for some reason, would make her a bad parent?? YTA.
YTA. You overstepped. It’s not as though it was just you and Natalie home as she being a menace. Your son was home. And sleeping in the same room. This isn’t about Natalie being drunk. This is about your dislike of Natalie whether you want to admit or not. Don’t be surprised when they either cut you out or limit your access to your granddaughter. And the only person to blame will be you.
YTA. This is not your child. Back off!
Yta. Make sense why they moved 6 hours away. OP, you’re the one who is doing attachment parenting. Detach yourself from your son’s life.
YTA
So your DIL and your son had a baby TOGETHER, she didnt just “get pregnant”. They got married and decided to move and work in whatever worked for THEIR family.
Your DIL’s daughter is attached to her mother, because she is her mother. This 22yo woman still carries the kid, sleeps with her and breastfeeds, so she’s making a massive effort for that kid despite her young age. This bothers you, because you know better.
This young woman, who spends her days and nights taking care of her kid goes out one night, how dare she to have a life right? Once she comes back, and by the fact she’s still making the effort to breastfeed I seriously doubt she was drunk, takes her kid to where the kid sleeps. She’s not a drunk woman, she’s the mum of that child. But once again, you know better. Then you decide to take that baby away from HER MOTHER and tell your son to control her. I’m not even going to continue, you would have been out of my house at that point, because you’re a real A.
A still-nursing drunk mother is a concern but in her home, you really had to stand down. Just as an aside, why were you up with the baby for an hour and your son was not?
YTA. Your disdain for your DIL is obvious. You’ve called her a ‘drunk college student’ several times in this post. I won’t make further assumptions about your outlook on being a mother, even though I’m pretty sure I’d be right, but you should definitely apologise. You overstepped and clearly think you know better. Look forward to reading the full story over on the JUSTNOMIL subreddit….
Fake account
So youre kidnapping
You truly are a mother in law from hell
Natalie is a sAHM. shes working
YTA. Not only for how you overstepped, refer to your DIL, and don’t respect the boundaries set in your son’s home, but also for referring to an almost 2 year old as “23 months”
ETA: Good on your son for sticking up for his partner and not letting his overbearing mother steamroll him in his own home.
Honestly HOW DARE YOU. Wow ive never seen a woman simultaneously think her son is incapable AND treat the DIL like the devil. Oh wait, yes I have. Youre a common breed as well as an asshole
YTA
Your son is a grown adult and an active participant in his own life. You talk about your DIL like she’s the devil and she did this all to your passive poor son.
Apologize for overstepping before you find yourself being cut off entirely from his family.
As much as you dislike your DIL I am not sure I can believe the narrative of this story. She didn’t get pregnant by herself. Stop blaming her
YTA you should be grateful they let you stay to the morning. If you had something to say you can say it (and deal with the repercussions of it, something you dont seem keen on in general) but the second you tried to physically take a child from their mother you should’ve been out the door with all of your shit following swiftly behind you
NTA. She was unsafe for the baby. She could drop or accidentally smother him in her sleep. I can defn read you don’t like your dil at all. Calling her a “college girl” and that she doesn’t work are not your call. Her being a sahm is their decision. You defn should try and talk to her. Explain that you were just worried and apologize for making her feel that way.
You don’t sleep with a baby in your bed. Never. Drunk or sober.
https://youtu.be/PgmRUJ3rofM?si=7-Vz9u-Nc-a3KzKW
It does sound like you have some issues with your DIL that you may need to work on but you’re also not wrong that co-sleeping while under the influence is a terrible idea. It may have been a better idea to suggest she eat something or drink some water to sober up before taking baby to bed. Anytime you’re getting between mom and baby when it’s not an emergency is a bad idea. Better to more calmly state that she needs to sober up before going to sleep and offering to help her do that.
YTA. Tell me that you don’t respect her role as a mother without telling me – by calling her a drunken college student. You crossed a line, first by showing zero respect to your son by disrespecting his autonomy to make his own choices. You had no right to enter their bedroom and take their daughter, then instead of apologizing, you doubled down and disrespected your son’s wife and their role as parent’s. Enjoy having no relationship with your son and granddaughter.
It’s not your baby. Moms deserve a night out too, don’t be a Karen.
YTA. You’re an unreliable narrator in this story because of your feelings toward your daughter in law. She didn’t produce this child on her own or entrap your son. I don’t believe for a second that she was drunk, or your son would’ve intervened. Note that even if she’d had a drink, your son was there and he is also a parent of this child, while you are most certainly not.
ESH. DIL shouldn’t be holding her toddler while drunk. While part of me feels you were being sincere in wanting to hold granddaughter for safety while your DIL was drunk, it’s very clear you have a lot of resentment against only your DIL for your son’s change in career path. If you are mad at DIL for his inability to pursue medicine because of the baby, you also need to be mad at your son because he played a role in making his baby.
Two words: overbearing MIL.
YTA
Back off.
YTA. It’s obvious from how you’ve phrased everything here that you dont like your DIL. It makes more sense to let your police officer son, who is trained to know when someone is impaired beyond reason, handle his wife and child.
Holy fuck most of these people are absolutely trash, Nta at all if she was drunk she shouldn’t have tried to take the baby to bed with her you never know what can happen with someone who’s drunk sleeping, there have been plenty of accidents that end up with the child severely hurt or worse. Yta because you have some sort of disdain towards her because your son and her made some poor choices and now have to deal with the consequences of their actions.
Yes you obviously did the wrong thing.
You did what you thought it was right at the moment. Unfortunately, it is best if you step back and take a very long break from visiting your son and his family. You can love your granddaughter from afar. Personally, I would not visit them anymore at all. Let them live there life how they please.
If possible, don’t even send birthday cards or etc. Is ok not be involved in your adult children lifes.
Welp, the reason for the move six hours away is crystal clear, and I’d bet everything I own it has nothing to do with a lower cost of living and everything to do with a pushy, judgmental, intrusive broad who doesn’t know how to behave when she’s a guest in someone else’s home. YTA and I hope your son sticks to his boundaries.
This whole entire situation is just WEIRD.
There should be no drunk co-sleeping and no drunk nursing. The fact that your son was ok with this is scary af. Either that or she wasn’t drunk, and you were wrong.
Yta, you sound disrespectful, overbearing, and have no sense of boundaries. She’s not same random little kid, she’s this child’s MOTHER,and your son’s WIFE. She’s a whole, capable adult human and so is your son. If you were my mother and treated my spouse this way, spoke about them this way, you wouldn’t ever be in our lives.
NTA. No one should be holding a baby while clearly intoxicated. What if she accidentally dropped and hurt the baby? What if they fell down the stairs together bc she was drunk?
I had a kid in my early 20s and sometimes it’s hard to see someone else’s point of view. Don’t hold it against them. My mom and I butted heads a lot over things. Looking back at it, she was right about a lot of things and just trying to help. Nothing wrong to show another point of view on an issue to give your son and DIL some perspective. I get it’s hard to bite your tongue when u see something unsafe.
Whatever you do, do not cut contact with them over this. That is the worst thing you can do for everyone involved.
Your son is a police officer if I understand correctly? He should be the first to know whether or not his wife is capable of taking care of her grandchild… She went out with the girls after a while, relax woman
I’ll go against the grain and say NTA, just because i know of a case where drunk mom suffocated her baby while sleeping. Rolled over drunkenly.
But the rest of the comments about dil paint a picture.
NTA co-sleeping isn’t safe when you’ve been drinking. I don’t care the baby isn’t a newborn. As far as the son being in bed, so what?! Cops work long, exhausting shifts. There’s no reason to think if his wife rolled over on her toddler that he would wake up in time to prevent a tragedy.
Info: why exactly do you hate your daughter in law?