My wife (F31) and I (M30) have been together for about 8 years, married for 2. We have been struggling for awhile and have talked about our struggles many times to no avail. I no longer believe we can figure this out, and, perhaps even worse, I don’t think I want to anymore.
I know what I need to do, but I am having a hard time actually doing it. I need help rationalizing all of this and feeling like it will all be ok. Change has always been very hard for me, and the fear is stopping me from leaving. The following are key points that keep me up at night:
• Her family – I have grown very close with her family, both immediate and relatives. They have been the support and consistency that I often haven’t received from my own family. Her mother is like a second mom to me
• Our social life – Our life’s are so intertwined which makes this difficult. We share the same friend group and social circle. It is terrifying imagining how that will change
• Our dog – this may seem trivial to some, but I love our dog so much. He has been a constant source of happiness for me, especially during a recent stretch of depression in my life. Legally, her name is on the adoption papers so if she wanted, I believe she could take him and I couldn’t do a thing about
• Everything else – this is a little broader, obviously. Where am I going to sleep tomorrow night? How do I continue to work and do my job through this? What are people going to say?
I need help beating the anxiety that these things bring me. I objectively think that none of these should stop me from leaving a relationship that isn’t working, but I am finding that is much easier to say than it is to actually do.
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Just slip out the back, Jack.
Wow, I don’t post very often. Seeing the terrible formatting now..
When you leave your wife, have a new place lined up to live in. Take a few weeks leave from work. You will not be a great worker while you are in the midst of sorting this out.
Also be a responsible leaver… play fair… Don’t just take off and leave her with unpaid bills or leave her to sort through the last decade of your crap. There are going to be admin things to do together to end the marriage. Don’t have screaming matches about them or engage in petty revenge.
Basically get your shit together and leave.
Be honest tell her you are leaving that you can’t do it anymore. But saying that I’d have a place to go before you tell her. You need to be honest and open about this as you are the one that is giving up on the marriage. Marriage isn’t all roses, it has it’s thorny side. Marriage is hard work. And both of you need to make the effort. But if you are definate on leaving her then you need to have somewhere to run to. As there is no telling once you open this can of worms.
You need to find a support system for yourself and not rely on what you have through her. There will be changes and blood picks blood almost always so be prepared to lose the people who you think are super close to you now.
Before you tell her anything go talk to a lawyer. Explain everything you wanna do and take their advice.
If they’re even halfway decent, they’re gonna give you a strategy for exiting as cleanly as possible. No matter how much you may love her family and they may care about you, this is going to get ugly once you officially drop the bomb that you’re leaving. They will ultimately become your enemy, and you need to be well prepared.