So today I was at work and my coworker came over and said that every Saturday they get lunch for everyone. He asked me how I like my cheesesteak and my response was “no thank you, I don’t eat during the day.” And instead of just accepting my answer and walking away he pressed that it was free so how do I want my cheesesteak? Again I politely declined and he walked away. An hour later he comes into my area and lays a cheesesteak on my counter and so I picked it up and set it on his desk saying I don’t eat during the day. I told my wife and said no means no. Her response was “that’s a weird hill to die on” and my friend said that I’m being a dick about it. Now I’m angry because it shouldn’t matter the context I said no I meant no and apparently my feelings on the topic don’t matter and everyone seems to think I should have just accepted the food.
AITAH for refusing free food from my coworker?
r/AITAH
Comments
Your colleague was imposing himself on you.
No need to discuss your decision, that only gives people an “in”.
In that case, being a broken record often helps.
NTA
What if you were vegan or lactose intolerant? You could have asked others if they wanted the sandwich, saved it for later, or thrown it away. Giving it back to him, if done so in a friendly manner, isn’t the worst thing in the world but I agree with your wife.
Quite the trivial thing to get upset about, I’d said no thanks and never given it another thought.
NTAH. how do you like your Philly steak sandwich? “No cheese, no onions or peppers, no meat and no bread.” Would have taken care of the conversation.
NTA you said you didn’t eat lunch, they got offended & got you one anyway. You don’t owe them any explanation but you gave one & they disregarded it. Who does that?!?
Someone who’s actively being rude doesn’t get to be upset that someone is rude in return…
“No.” is a full sentence and should be respected.
They didn’t respect it and that is rude they can’t come after you for how you react to their rudeness that’s ridiculous.
NTA. He had no idea if you had any allergies so shouldn’t be giving people random food unless they specifically ordered it. It’s also really weird for him to insist on giving someone food when they’d said no multiple times, and even said it’s because of their eating habits. It sounds like he wants to be known as the nice/generous one and won’t let anyone risk his reputation
So take it home and eat it at night.
Just take it home….no one says you gotta eat it there. Perhaps your wife would like it.
You’re NTA, but maybe talk to the coworker, ask why he felt he needed to do that? It may have been a really kind gesture on his part, that he couldn’t walk back on. Just check in and make sure he didn’t feel he ‘needed’ to do this?
NTA. You said no and that should have been the end of it.
Thank you guys I’m home now and my wife still thinks I’m overreacting but atleast someone else seems to think that blatantly ignoring my response was just uncalled for.
See, your problem is you’re approaching the problem the wrong way. Most people (seems like you do to) think you can fix stupid. You can’t. You gave multiple explanations and affirmations that you did not want it… and yet he persisted. No doubt you’ve heard the saying ‘fight fire with fire’? well.. you fight stupid with double stupid… it’s the only way. Next time try this… just say ‘oh a cheesesteak.. I must have misheard you… sure put it down right there… then dump it in the bin. Trust me, this way is extremely satisfying.
You said no thank you, and explained you don’t eat during the day multiple times. He imposed himself and something you expressly said no to onto you. NTA.
NTA I eat lunch and dinner but I don’t like taking food from people I don’t know well. I don’t know how carefully they handle their food after all.
NTA
No means no. I dont eat much during the day, if at all most days. Polite refusal should be all that’s necessary.
Not a weird hill to die on, it’s the total principle. No means NO, even if it’s something innocuous like food.
I also am cautious about ingredients and additives so I can be quite “rude” I guess by simply refusing as I don’t want to feel sick later on from the probable chemicals and additives in the food I’m being offered.
Your co-worker is being a dick. This is something I also find problems with because I have a lot of food allergies that severely restrict the types of foods I can eat. I refuse 99% of dinner invitations as a result because it is impossible to get people to understand that, yes, just a tiny piece will kill me. Cross contamination is a big one as well because acids carry on utensils, but try explaining that to ordinary people. It is just easier to say no thanks. This has cost me a lot of friendships and opportunities in life because people are so self centred that they find the refusal offending. Their feelings are not my problem, but I find it difficult to enjoy life if I was dead, and they need to accept that I have no desire to die just yet.
Technically, you could have tossed it in the fridge to eat at night, since you fast all day? But if you don’t like cheese steaks, maybe that should have been the response. I will say it looks like you were kind of abrupt with him, like you don’t like him. Is that the case? Light YTA just because your tone sounds off.
Why couldn’t you just store it for later…you just walk around in a world where free food is beneath you…especially free food that they’re catering to your tastes and attempting to give you…your wife was right…weird hill to die on, but at least you’ll starve soon
I’ve been on a diet since July 2024, I’m down just over 100 lbs, but during the work day I have a coffee and a slim jim with my vitamin in the morning and then I don’t eat anything until dinner time. I’ve had coworkers try to buy me lunch and I just tell them I don’t have lunch during the day, never had a problem. Its incredibly rude for them to give you a hard time.
NTA. My husband doesn’t like sweets and has had coworkers lose their damn minds over it. Nobody should be policing another person’s food choices at work. “No, thank you” is a polite response.
NTA. You said ‘no thank you’ that should have been the end of it.
NTA – you let them know that you do not eat during the day. I would have held it up and asked if anybody was still hungry
Nta. No does mean no. Most adults still dont know that though.
NAH
You can say thanks. That’s fine. You are not obligated to eat anything at work/during the day/when you don’t want to.
But you exist in a society, and workplace social norms may mean if he doesn’t get everyone a meal that someone else will say he isn’t treating everyone equally. He said he would buy everyone lunch so he is obligated to demonstrate that. You can throw it away/take it home for later/offer it to someone else who might want it later.
Also: it’s just a sandwich.
No does mean no. Personally I would have just put the sub in the garbage when they weren’t looking.
NTA
NTA. No means no. Don’t push.
Do whatever you want. But this is obviously a new job or new department, and the way you handled it has confirmed to everyone that you’re weird.
NTA. You politely declined multiple times, and your coworker still pushed past that. It doesn’t matter if the food was free or well-intentioned, your boundaries deserve respect. You weren’t rude, you didn’t make a scene, you just returned something you didn’t ask for. People need to understand that “no” is a complete sentence.
NTA. Your no should have been respected
Coworker is an asshole for assuming your no was a yes. There could be many reasons for not wanting a cheese steak and saying you don’t eat during the day is perfectly valid. In fact, just saying no is enough.
Lacrosse intolerant
Can’t eat onions/peppers
Allergic to mushrooms
Celiac disease
Religious reasons
Vegetarian/vegan
Intermittent fasting
Strict diet due to health issues or just personal preference
Just don’t like cheese steak
Or, wait for it …
YOU DON’T EAT DURING THE DAY
is your wife just mad you didn’t bring it home for her or is she a people pleaser? Cuz she’s also wrong.
Can’t stand when people try to force food/pressure to eat. So what it’s free.. you don’t want it. I used to hate eating at work and then having to sit at a desk for hours. Seriously pressuring someone to eat something they don’t want is absolutely ridiculous and invasive. NTA.
Tell him you take it with white American and it is not to be debauched with sauce, onions, or peppers. Then give it to me. Thank you.
Edit: wait you live in philly, right?
Just the fact that he ignored the fact that you refused his free is very disturbing. I wouldn’t need anything he gave me.
And your need for your boundaries to be respected is Paramount and he’s not doing that
Well, does your wife like cheesesteak? You could have taken it home to them.
I think the coworker was wanting you to not miss out. You could thank him for his kind thought, and let him know you don’t eat during the day (again)
In some cultures sharing food is a social activity and cultural.
You seem to have a control issue.
You could’ve accepted it and gave it your wife when u got home . YTA bringing it back to his desk was so u called and unnecessary. Your wife’s right it’s a weird hill to die on
I guess I’m going a different route. Just order and take it home. If you don’t want it then, throw it away.
Why be a dick at work?
No is a complete sentence. He was trying to be nice but he should respect your right to decline. You could have been vegan or fasting for all he knew.
Couldn’t you just take it home and have it for dinner?
Usually, when someone gives you a gift the correct response is thank you. That’s the polite thing to do.
You don’t have to eat it at work. You could’ve taken it home, thrown it away or given it to somebody else in your family to eat if you don’t want to eat it later on.
NTA. But you could have saved yourself trouble if you just said thanks for the sandwich and then chucked it in the employee breakroom fridge and forgot about it. Fridgefood thieves would love it.
This is so ridiculous! So irritating when someone doesn’t know how to accept “no thank you” as a response. I view that kind of behavior as a lack of respect for the person saying no. So if your co-worker doesn’t have enough respect for you to accept your answer, you don’t need to respect him or his nonsense either. NTA
NTA but no social skills either. The way to handle this in the future is to just say, oh I’ll take whatever comes standard. Then take it home and eat or throw away. The vibe you are giving is your too good to eat and be a part of the team.
You could have been more explicit and said you are on a special diet and don’t eat during the day. Thank him for his very generous offer
You were kind of a dick about it.
Tell him it’s a religious thing. You know, like how Muslims don’t eat during daylight during Ramadan.
You don’t have to specify a religious holiday. Just tell him that God commands you to only eat after dark. 😎
I get that they didn’t listen to you but, if they brought you one anyway and you have a fridge at work, couldn’t you take it home for dinner?
Actually it does, I used to be you. I worked a lot of hours so spending time with coworkers after work was torture for me, I found out the hard way, I alienated myself, they didn’t like my attitude. I was young back then. I could have had an easier ride if I just went and played nice for a couple of hours. You should have taken the hamburger and said thank you, what a thoughtful thing to do and gave the burger to a homeless person or something. You shit on his party, now you’re a jerk. Kindness and tolerance wins friends and work is when you need friends. Think of the movie employee of the month.
YTA. Say thank you and tell him you will take it home to enjoy because you don’t eat during the day. Then on Monday thank him again for the delicious food whether you eat it or not. Politeness costs you nothing by
I had to promise to toss out 3 full boxes of pizza to get management on a job to understand that if they do not remove it from in front of me at my table to get them to understand that I do not want it.
All because they would not accept “no, thank you” or “I’m lactose intolerant, I can not eat that”
Nta
One of my oldest friends’ main meal is lunch. Mine is dinner. We managed to share a house for years without it getting weird.
It doesn’t matter whether you eat lunch or not (I’m guessing this person didn’t believe you because it’s a work perk, and who doesn’t eat lunch?). What matters is that you kindly declined, not just one time but a few times.
What if you had food allergies? What if you were on a strict diet? What if you kept kosher? What if you had a large breakfast and simply weren’t hungry? It literally does not matter what the reasoning is behind saying no, but as long as you were calm and kind, as well as firm, NTA.
Bizarre that he couldn’t take no for an answer. I’m with your wife, though, not a hill I would have died on. I’d have taken the sandwich home and let hubby eat it. 🙂
But I get your frustration! You be you.
NTA When I worked in an office the pressure to eat was so intense that I asked the office manager/human resources to institute a policy of accepting no as an answer.
I am diabetic. I hated telling people who were offering things like fry bread only to be told, “A small amount won’t hurt.”.
Say yes and give it to someone else they can take it home for later.
Your coworker is trying to suck up for some reason. Or he wants you to owe him. Either way you did the right thing.
I get it, but I personally would’ve taken it home for when you do eat. Double meat and split with the Mrs.
Or you could have been clever:
https://youtu.be/TaIrCxCbzNQ?si=aOsoq-8LgkGi-mxR
You don’t problem solve do you? Take cheese steak and throw it away. But you and your coworker suck. ESH