Original post
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/46xzcUJphn
Bad and Good News.
I should’ve have posted on the channel because dear God, 200k views!!
It was recommended to my fiance and he read it and connected the dots. He knew it was about him. Since I made my user ThrowRa_bmaalyraw, and he knows I love Maaly Raw the producer it was quite obviously me. Awkward…
He wasn’t upset and I insisted that he only asked because, he thought it would be a good gesture. He is completely open to therapy and marriage counseling.
I still feel very iffy about this whole situation and if things don’t go well in marriage counseling and I don’t get the honesty I need, its wraps.
Good news. My daughter will be named Antonia, not Isra-Samaa which is his ex’s name.
I wont lie being pregnant and reading through some of these comments hurt. But perhaps you lot were right, maybe I need to realize the truth, hopefully positive updates coming soon.
Comments
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Shouldn’t have been a discussion at all
As someone named after a dead person…Antonia sounds so much sweeter 💗
Oh good because it’s honestly a huge red flag he wanted to name your child after an ex. And definitely need to do therapy before getting married. Are you sure he has grieved his ex properly? I’d hold off getting married anytime soon.
You seriously gonna still marry this dude?
I personally wouldn’t. He is not over his grief and TBH you will always be second place to a dead person
It’s times like these where I realize how autistic I am because while it’s obviously a weird thing to suggest, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.
I feel like a lot of those comments on the first post were overreacting and the fact that you’re willing to leave him over this is really strange.
Like, sure, absolutely have him consider therapy or grief counseling, but unless there’re a bunch of other issues in your relationship you haven’t mentioned, saying “this is a wrap” so quickly is really questionable.
Consider this, they likely would’ve been married had she not died right? One can assume at least. So in a way it’s like he already lost a wife, obviously he shouldn’t put that grief on you or your/his child, but at the same time he’s allowed to carry that grief with him as long as it’s not negatively impacting your relationship.
If he’s already let go of the idea and you’ve chosen another name then it clearly wasn’t that big of a deal to him in the end.
Antonia sounds beautiful. Good luck to you.
To me naming a baby needs two enthusiastic yes’s. I think naming a baby after a beloved family member is a kind gesture, naming a baby in memory of a passed girlfriend/lover is not ok, and if he put himself in your shoes he never would have asked. I’m glad that counseling is the next step, because grief is hard to navigate at any time, but especially when you are starting a family with the person grieving.
Willa Cather. I love it.
Your fiance still needs to seek help. This situation is messed up.
He needs some serious individual counseling. He hasn’t let her go.
I am late to the party, but I can’t believe He even asked.
your daughter’s name should be hers, not his ex’s. Choosing Antonia shows you’re setting healthy boundaries while keeping love and respect in your relationship.
He wanted to name her that whole name?
Updateme!
I don’t know. The fact that he suggested you name your child after his dead ex and then changed his mind because he looked bad in front of strangers doesn’t seem like a happy ending to me.
This isn’t some throwaway nice gesture like paying for a name on a bench. His exes name would be on his lips daily, attached to your daughter. I really hope both your original post and your update are fake.
“He wasn’t upset and I insisted that he only asked because, he thought it would be a good gesture.” To who?