I ‘30F’, ( Muslim background but liberal ) have been dating a Catholic guy ´30M’ for about 6 months. In the beginning, I asked if religion would be a problem, and he said no. Our relationship was loving and affectionate.
But after I traveled to another state for a while (at that time his brother got engaged) and came back, he was different. First he told me he didn’t “feel the same love” anymore, but it was obvious from his behavior and emotions that he still cares deeply. A few days later he admitted the real reason: that he can’t see himself with someone who isn’t Catholic and low key asked me to convert. He even talked about the “advantages” of marrying a Catholic, and mentioned that his mom and grandmother once told him marriage is already difficult, and marrying outside the faith would make it even harder.
Recently I also did some research about Catholicism and realized that in more traditional, religious families, people can face strong pressure or even rejection if they marry outside the faith.
What confuses me is that we never even talked about marriage yet. I only shared that in my life plan I want to marry someday and have children nothing specific about us yet. So now I’m left wondering: is this truly his own conviction about religion, or is it mostly pressure from his family and the Catholic Church?
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I would be more bothered by the fact that he didn’t feel the same love anymore. As if you have to earn the love by converting, so the relationship would go back to how it was at the beginning. That’s just ick and manipulating. Who knows what happened the few months you went on a trip. If he wants you to convert. There are better ways to do it. Saying he didn’t feel the same love, just totally sends you in the opposite direction.
Regardless of where this epiphany came from, at this point, being married to a Catholic is important to him. Unless you’re interested in converting, this makes you incompatible. The good thing is, you’re only 6 months in.
You need to run away before you ruin your life !
He has told you he won’t marry unless you convert. So now you either convert or accept that you are no longer compatible. Don’t carry on by ignoring what he said. Deal with it directly, one way or the other.
Only do what you want. If you would happily convert then go for it but if not and it’s uncomfortable and feels wrong, don’t. Nobody should make you change who you are, not if they love you.
Religion is always a problem, unless you’re horny. In the beginning, your horny.
Next time rather than smooth it over – ask how he feels about your religion and what its family’s views. You can’t avoid such talk in a multi-faith relationship. If you ever get close to marriage – ask him what faith the child would be and what cultural observances they would look forward to.
I was under the impression that Muslim women couldn’t marry outside the faith?
He never loved you. Dump him immediately. Don’t convert to any religion for a man, especially when you’ve been dating for only 6 months.
I personally know 2 of my Christian friends (girls) who converted to Islam at the drop of a hat for their husband(who is a Muslim).
Catholic family here!
In Catholicism, it’s highly encouraged to marry other Catholics. You can’t get married in the Catholic Church without promising the priest that your children will be raised Catholic. infants are also expected to be baptized or else they go to purgatory if they die. It’s hard to believe in and practice the sacraments when your life partner doesn’t.
I don’t think it’s pressure from his family so much as his brother’s engagement (assuming to a Catholic) is forcing him to reevaluate your relationship and your future. He probably realized he wants something like his brother has, maybe or maybe not with his family’s influence. Either way, it’s up to you to decide what you want. I wouldn’t convert unless I actually believed it, so it’s my personal opinion that you let him go and move on.
I imagine when he was first dating you, he wasn’t thinking about engagement and marriage and truly didn’t care. Now he does. Could you honestly see yourself marrying him if your children had to be Catholic? Would you want to get married in a Catholic Church? Would you want to go to mandatory, priest ran marriage counseling services beforehand?
I’m sorry it took six months for him to come to this realization, but it’s better now than later.
Becoming a Roman Catholic involves more than going to his church. It means being part of an organization that subjugates women.
If you become pregnant, the church will have something to say about your obstetrical care. Do I need to be more explicit?
For an ectopic pregnancy, an injection of methotrexate will save your life and end the pregnancy. It kills the embryo. A Catholic hospital would perform major surgery to remove the Fallopian tube. This will indirectly kill the embryo, so it’s not a sin. It will also put your future fertility at risk because of the missing tube.
If the pregnancy threatens your health, the church prioritizes saving the embryo/fetus.
There are prochoice Roman Catholics, but some other Catholics reject them.
He doesn’t want to base your relationship on the love you two have for each other
He wants to base it off of a man made theology
Just walk away tbh
You either need to convert or get special permission to be married in a catholic church if youre not catholic.
Then you need to take classes from those people at the church.
They will make you sign something saying you will raise the kids catholic.
Run.
That’s all that needs to be said.
This is just me, but I would not convert. I come from a Catholic family, and I have left the religion because there are so many hypocrites. If you are intimate, he is violating a huge rule of the Catholic faith by having sex outside of marriage. If one of the two of you is using birth control (even condoms), you are violating the religion. Within the Catholic faith, masturbation is a mortal sin – as in if you do not confess it, you cannot go to heaven. I have a Catholic brother who refused to get a vasectomy because it was a sin, but expected his Catholic wife to get her tubes tied, even though that was the same sin. I would ask him why he picks and chooses which part of his religion he follows.
I’m surprised people are against converting when Islam is a lot harsher on women than Catholicism is. If you’re liberal, doesn’t that really mean that you don’t truly subscribe to Islam? If that’s the case and you truly want to be with the guy, then go for it. It’s true that two religions can’t come together in marriage, especially Christianity and Islam. They’re polar opposites. However, Catholicism isn’t quite Christianity. They’ve got a few odd doctrines. It’s better than other world religions though which are very demonic and rooted in spirituality.
Ex catholic here, with some solid catholic experience… How catholic are we talking here?
Like celebrating Christmas and easter? Mass twice a year? E.g culturally catholic
Or hard core lent? No fish on Fridays? 3 hour latin mass on Sunday? Women only in skirts and veiled in church, No birth control? Open sexism to women? E.g fundamentalist catholic
Like… are these people actually Opus Dei? How do they feel about Vatican 2? Or are they members of SSPX?
There are fundamentalist catholic societies which are not really main stream catholic… but they are often the most devoted members of the church… there was actually a period where SSPX was excommunicated by the Pope – because they were so hardcore.
You probably want to confirm that before you commit to any of this…
I was engaged to a Catholic guy in my younger years. I was Christian but not Catholic, and even that was too much family pressure to survive. You have to understand that if you don’t convert, he will have to face that the marriage won’t be “legitimate” to a lot of people and institutions that are important to him, regardless of his personal beliefs. It’s a lot of very public pressure and not everyone is cut out for that.
You’ve only been dating a few months, I think it’s time to part ways if he’s feeling like he needs to prioritize these feelings about faith over you. That tension will always be there, and if your partner isn’t solidly on your side, it’s just an unfortunate battle you’ll never win.
Catholic here, I married outside the faith, my sister didn’t. We had a nonreligious wedding, my sister had a catholic wedding. This is very much so a “him” issue and you need to decide how important it is to you.
Ps converting is hard. THEN Getting married in the Catholic Church is hard separately. This would be a dealbreaker for me and I’m already catholic! You have to do classes on “natural family planning” and tell a priest if you’ve slept together and a whole bunch of other things. Fuck that, I was barely religious to begin with, I didn’t want that for my husband or for me.
I’d tell him you have no intention of converting as he is clearly not that religious and to let you know if that’s a dealbreaker. There can be some pressure if family is marrying within the religion, but those with a backbone will stand up to their families. I didn’t want a religious marriage so I didn’t prioritize religion in my life plans, and 5 years later I’m still very happy with my decision.
don’t do it. It never works out.
Yall need to break up.
Never mix yolk is what I was told by catholic people.
Because raising kids is going to be a problem with two different religions
The origin of his concerns doesn’t matter. You’re incompatible. The sooner you break up, the less difficult it will be for both of you.
I am Methodist, wife is Catholic. Been married 45 years without problem. Only thing I can see that ever was an issue was that she would not take communion outside Catholic Church and I was not to take communion in the Catholic Church. I think we both took communion once in each other’s church. Other than that I don’t think it was ever really was an issue. We have two daughters. One chose and went Catholic route, the other went the Protestant route. They were exposed to both traditions and chose their own paths forward. Interesting is that we did not get married in a church, but in the large community room at the local ice arena. Guests kept slipping out to watch the hockey game that was going on. All and all it was fun.
Does the reason matter? You’re incompatible.
You should only convert to a religion if you truly and genuinely believe in it.
Chances are he has always felt this way and his brothers engagement just reinforced these feelings (I’m assuming brother and brothers fiancé are both Catholic?)
I grew up Catholic but am atheist now, I remember from Catholic school that you’re “supposed to” marry another Catholic if you want to marry in the church and receive the sacrament of matrimony. IF you got to the point of marriage, you would have to do something called pre-Cana which is sort of like marriage counseling/class but is heavily centered around Catholic faith. You’re supposed to confirm that both of you are Catholic or willing to convert (you can lie like my friend did to marry her husband in the Catholic Church but then you’ll have a lot of arguments about the rest of it). You would be expected to baptize your children in the church which involves more classes and promises to raise them Catholic. They would likely be expected to receive the sacrament of holy communion around when they turn 8. They would then be expected to get confirmed which is around age 13/14, this is where they pick a sponsor and reaffirm their faith in the church. I personally had to attend religion classes once a week after school to “keep up with” my faith from 1st-8th grade on top of going to church once a week.
Honestly it all sounds very cult-y when I wrote it out like that. But yes if you stayed in this relationship you’d likely be facing heavy pressures from both him and his family to go through with all of this. You’d likely be pressured to never teach Islam or Islamic traditions to them.
It’s okay if the religion stuff is important to you both, but unfortunately there isn’t really room to compromise for traditional Catholicism. As a faith, I personally find it extremely problematic, and my friend who lied about converting once said that converting meant she would have fully accepted every principle in the church which she ultimately couldn’t do.
He had better stick with Catholic girls. If a person changes their religion just to get married, it’s not a true and meaningful conversion. Then there is the question of where do you get married and by whom, and how will you raise the children. Please do not get in too deep; marrying outside a person’s faith adds another strain on a marriage.