This is going to be very broad because I know a lot of people who are on Reddit and I cannot risk them recognizing me here.
In today’s day and age dating has become so much more complicated than it used to be and honestly sometimes it just feels so suffocating to be a young adult trying to make decisions about their future.
I 22/F feel stuck in a relationship with my boyfriend 21/M where on paper it is so good and right in every way. We have been together for about 5 years and have pets that we both adore, were friends first before dating, have known each other for years, and for the most part have common beliefs on everything. I honestly can’t imagine my life without him or his family. But we also have our huge differences that become bigger and bigger everyday. Sometimes I’m even jealous of my friends who have never been in long term relationships because they have the freedom to meet and date new people. Sometimes I want someone who is spontaneous and will plan a small trip somewhere an hour away because I had mentioned I liked a restaurant awhile back or someone who doesn’t have to be responsible every single waking moment and can take a second to live in the moment. I’m 22 years old and I feel like I’m in a 50 year old relationship and I have been so comfortable in it that I couldn’t even fathom asking to break up. It honestly doesn’t even feel like an option.
Honestly, no matter what advice I might be given, even if anyone decides to read this, I can’t end our relationship and I won’t. I might feel like I’m suffocating but there really isn’t an option for me here because our lives have become so intertwined, that untangling it would be completely blowing my life apart and not in a good way. He is a really good guy but sometimes I just can’t imagine being with him for years upon end wishing that he would turn into a different person.
So I guess my question would be: How do I address this and the seriousness of my concern for our future without letting him know that I’m having these doubts?
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You can’t fix suffocation by hiding it. If you’re already fantasizing about freedom at 23, that’s your gut telling you this isn’t working.
Trying to protect him from your doubts just traps you both. Either you speak the truth and give him a chance to meet you halfway, or you stay quiet and slowly resent him until the relationship collapses anyway.
Ask yourself: do you want to spend your 20s hoping he magically becomes someone else, or risk the discomfort now to actually live the life you want?
Communicate to your bf that you want more spontaneity from him and see if he will fulfill that.
Being slightly older than you, it is normal to feel this way with a very long term relationship and at your stage in life. However, I do agree that these thoughts need to be chewed on quite a bit.
Think about the pros/cons of not being in a relationship with someone you have known for so long.
It is also ok to feel that the relationship that you both have right now has run its course. People change all the time and if you no longer want to be in a relationship with this person or feel the relationship has evolved into something that you no longer want to commit to then go out and explore. Whether you end up regretting it or not, that’s something only you can answer at the end of your journey.