NSFW tag for the later mention.
I noticed my entire life that my mother has always had little to no trust in me out of all my siblings. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother and my family, they love me, but there is no trust between me and my mother. I’m the middle child, I have a younger brother, and older sister and two stepsiblings, one older and one younger than me.
I haven’t ever given my mother a reason not to trust me, at least not one I know of. My siblings have all lied to her, and done things behind her back. While I haven’t, my mother has told me she depends on my honesty. If she wants an honest opinion, she comes to me and not my siblings, not even my stepdad. She got mad at me when I was 16 because I didn’t lie to my stepdad about his cooking after he asked for my opinion. He took cooking classes after that and has improved so much. It wasn’t like I was brutal or ripped into him. I just said it didn’t taste very great; I got food poisoning.
When I was 14, one of my mother’s $300 dragons was broken, she didn’t find out until 9 years ago. My stepbrother was supposed to watch the house while we were away, and he had friends over. They were throwing a foam football, and it hit the dragon. The dragon mostly remained intact, but it broke from the base. He never once said anything. My sister had to tell my mother what happened.
My siblings can lie straight to my moms face, hide things and no matter what, she’ll have full faith in them. If I break something, I own it, I don’t even wait several years to tell her. I just tell her, and ask if it can be repaired or if I should replace it. Something that my siblings also don’t do. My brother has done several thousand in damages to his bedroom and he won’t be paying a dime for it. Meanwhile a glass slips out of my hand while putting dishes away and I have to buy a new one. I get it, I broke it, I buy it, the others don’t.
My mom has such little trust in me, that she can’t even send me $40 from my brother just a few days early. It’s for groceries since I am the one that orders them. She’ll be leaving in a couple of days and I will be in charge of the house and doing the cooking for me and my brother. She has told me to my face that she believes I will spend the money on something else. Like what??? Wtf would I even spend it on? I don’t buy make-up, or new clothes, which I could really use, I only own two shirts without holes in them. I rarely buy things for myself. I spend my money specifically on groceries, cat supplies and hygienic needs.
I don’t even have a history of reckless spending or misusing someone else’s money. Every year, my siblings collectively send me money so that I can do the purchase for our mothers gifts. If it wasn’t for me, my mother would never even have a gift, no Christmas gift, no birthday gift, no Mother’s Day gift and she knows this.
The only thing I’ve hidden from my mother is I was molested when I was 12 by my best friends’ older brother. I’ll admit it came out in the worst way possible. One of our family friends daughter was assaulted, they brought her over because they needed help. I came into the room to talk to her and my stepbrother pulled me aside along with my mom and told me to go back to my room because they didn’t want me to say the wrong thing. I told them, ‘I know what to say more than someone who’s never even been through it themselves.’
It’s been a little while since then, my mother’s best friend was glad I was there to talk to her daughter. They’d been having a hard time getting her to talk to them and to go to therapy. I didn’t want her to end up like me. I never told anyone because I thought I’d be blamed for it, and at the time with how bad my life was, it wasn’t an unjustified thought. I was always getting blamed for things that weren’t my fault, my brother would do a lot of things and blame me for them. Figured getting molested would be my fault as well, I couldn’t make a single mistake. I have issues with intimate relationships because I hide things, I have a hard being touched by anyone.
I did tell them what happened after our friends left, it was only because I had dropped the nuke on them. If our friends had never come for advice, my family still wouldn’t know.
I guess it’s really not just my mom who thinks I’m a fuck up, it’s the entire family save for my older sister. I’m the only person she still really talks to from our family. She couldn’t make mistakes either without having a hard time.
Out of my siblings, I’m the most responsible out of them, I do the chores, the cooking, the holiday planning. After my parents divorced I became a part-time mother to my brother since my bio-father was an abusive deadbeat. I had to walk the house at night to make sure the stove, oven, and deep fryer were off, I barely slept back then. I made sure he got up for school, I still do to this day and he’s 27. If I don’t, he’ll miss class.
But somehow I am the most untrustworthy person in my family. I don’t even know how to talk to my mother about it. The only difference between me and my siblings is that I’m disabled, I don’t get a lot of money, I’m sick and have a shorter life expectancy. I’m still seen as being just a child, even though I started having to parent my brother at 13 and still do.
Idk if it matters but my parents are seriously in debt. They make horrible choices with their money. I used to try and tell them they were making bad choices, but they’d just yell at me. My sister says that even if we are right, we are always wrong because we are young and ignorant.
Comments
You have to have a long talk with your mother, it is way overdue.