I feel like something is wrong with me. I just don’t understand how it feels good to have something slamming in and out of you. I’ve seen some ✨videos✨ online and it just looks so painful. Obviously like everyone does it so I know that can’t be the case but I can’t even put a tampon in without feeling like I’m being ripped in half. I feel really immature but it just doesn’t make sense to me
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porn is mostly made with men in mind, so the straight porn you see just looks like the man using the woman like a breathing fleshlight.
sex with the right person can AND should not be all jackhammer-y.
Have you talked to a doctor about this? I don’t think a tampon should cause you to feel like you’re being ripped in half
The videos you have seen are in no way a good representation of reality. Sex is so much more than just slamming bodyparts into eachother. The key difference is the stimulation of the right spots. Tampons do not feel good because they do not stimulate the clitoris, and a penis just slamming into a vagina would not do the trick as well.
Tampons feel nothing like sex and can be painful if you put them in at even a slightly wrong angle because they are dry and pokey. When you first have sex with foreplay, you should be wet and well lubricated so that the penis feels good going in. I would also suggest trying a vibrator or magic wand before you try sex for the first time so you can understand why it’s supposed to feel good(orgasm).
Ignore porn. The majority of it is made only for men and their pleasure. The majority of women primarily get pleasure from clitoral stimulation. If you have a good partner, they’ll know how to make sex enjoyable for you.
That said, if putting in a tampon is that painful, you should see a gynecologist. That could be a treatable medical issue. Tampons typically aren’t painful to put in.
Putting in a tampon should not feel like you’re “being ripped in half” (unless you’re putting in/taking it out when totally dry, maybe). It’s possible you could be asexual if the whole idea of the act of sex doesn’t appeal to you. if it’s a fear of pain, that’s a different issue?
Porn is not a good representation of sex. It’s performative for men.
Honestly, I found that porn made specifically by amateur couples (yes, you can search for that) or female-produced porn is more realistic.
All that being said, if even inserting a tampon is painful, I also recommend seeing a doctor. Tampon insertion should not be painful and there’s something else going on. If a tampon hurts, someone’s fingers or penis will also likely be painful, regardless of how gentle they are.
Also, there are a lot of people who like slow, gentle, passionate sex and do not enjoy the slamming/roughness that pornos portray.
I think there’s a lot of negativity surrounding women having sex. I think it caused my vaginismus, which as an involuntary contracting of the pelvic floor muscles. Try pushing a pen through your fist when it’s squeezed — it hurts. It’s the same thing with your pelvic floor muscles. When I first tried putting a tampon in, it hurt because I wasn’t relaxed and trying to push on muscles that were contracting.
Unless there is something unusual with your hymen (which is very rare), tampons shouldn’t hurt when going in if your muscles are relaxed. It should just feel like pushing open a gate — the labia sit closed and you use the tampon to gently nudge them open.
If you’re trying to put a tampon in and struggling, think for a second. Do you feel tense? Relax all of your muscles — your arms, your face, your legs, and then try to think about your pelvic region. Take a few deep breaths — besides being calming, this also facilitates relaxing the pelvic floor. Then try again.
Sex feels good when you’re not tense and you’re aroused and lubricated. Thrusting stimulates your clitoris internally (and externally, if the angle is right), and the pressure of a penis internally is nice in and of itself (see also; blue walls). Ignoring porn, if your partner is going “too hard,” you just have to tell them to slow down until you find a rhythm that works for you.
It’s about context. Think of some fun thing you like to do when it’s hot, like go swimming.
Suppose you were driving home, and got a flat tire, and it was sleeting. And you got out and changed the tire while freezing rain was dumping on you, and it soaked through your coat and you stepped in a puddle and your foot was freezing and you just felt crappy and cold when you got home. And your sister or somebody says “Hey, you want to go outside and have a swim? That usually makes you feel better!” You would think they were an idiot who’d lost their mind. You don’t want a swim, you want a warm bath and then a blanket and a mug of hot chocolate.
On the other hand, suppose you entered a Fourth of July 5K for charity, and it was already over 90F when it started, and you get to the finish line exhausted and hot. And your sister says that Mom fell down and maybe sprained or broke her wrist, so Dad took her to the ER and you have to walk home, another two miles in the blazing sun and now it’s 100F, and you get there and the power’s out so no AC. Now getting in the pool maybe would feel just about right. You may have been thinking about the pool for most of the walk home.
It’s the same action, “get in the pool,” but in one situation you are completely not in the mood for a swim and it might even make you feel worse, but in the other situation you are hot and you’ve been thinking about it and it sounds like the greatest thing ever.
Dealing with period blood and tampons are being out in the sleet changing a flat tire. I’m not in the mood to do anything but sit with a blanket.
A man treating me right and making me feel romantic and excited and giving good kisses is going for a run on a warm day. I’m hot in a particular way and there’s something I’m looking forward to.
Sadly, lots of men think that the way to warm a woman up is the same thing that warms them up, which is probably why dick pics get sent. Sure, the corresponding pics might work for him, but dick pics are just awful.
Might be a physical thing. Of course not everyone likes or enjoys sex, but for the most part people tend to like it.
There’s a host of potential things it could be, vaginismus, which is the involuntary spasming or cramping of the vaginal muscles which cpild make penetration painful or even impossible.
Or vestibulodynia which means the vaginal opening might just be to tight or the flexible tissue not flexible enough.
However any of these things can only be diagnosed by a gynecologist, which I am not.
Me too, it doesn’t feel good for me, it feel like nothing, so I just don’t do it
Porn isn’t sex. The two are entirely different. Porn is male fantasy and not real life. It also normally doesn’t hurt. It feels good, otherwise people wouldn’t be doing it for fun!
But a tampon shouldn’t hurt at all. You might want to visit a doctor for that.
There is nothing wrong with you not liking sex. Asexual people exist. Also there is nothing wrong with you not liking something you haven’t tried or had an urge to try.
Physiologically sex organs/ muscles have lots of nerves on them similar to the tongue that touching them(when aroused) would create a sensation. That sensation is desirable for majority of people but not one hundred percent of humanity.
Edit: also they are reproductive systems so our bodies are wired to do that through sex
You may be wearing tampons that are too big or your period is too light.
Sex with the right person feels great! Don’t feel discouraged☺️
Porn is made to look good to men, not to feel good for women. Ignore everything you see in porn. Even the porn actors aren’t usually having much fun.
Two slippery body parts sliding past each other and rubbing sensitive body parts does feel good for most (but not all) people.
However, if you can’t even get a tampon in, there may be a medical issue why you are so tight. A doctor might be able to tell them. (Suggestion: don’t talk about sex at all, just say you are unable to even get a tampon in and are worried something is medically wrong.)
How old are you? (Just out of curiosity. And have you been in any long term relationships)?
Read COME AS YOU ARE by Emily Nagoski
Learning sex from porn is like learning how to drive from watching the Fast & the Furious movies. Fun to watch, shot specifically to excite men, no real connection with reality or physics, and dangerously inaccurate for anyone hoping to learn what to do.
Actual sex can have more fumbling, some stops and starts, often a lot of laughing, and it’s not terribly cinematic.
There are many kinds of sex, and porn is illustrative of the misogynistic ones. That’s not good PIV sex, and PIV isn’t necessary anyway.
You should talk to a doctor. A tampon shouldn’t be painful. It sounds vaginismus.
There is so much more to sex than PiV.it can all be amazing and fabulous.
I remember feeling that way too before I had sex. I don’t know how to explain it, but if your partner is gentle, it doesn’t feel how it looks.
Sex doesn’t have to include penetration. Men tend to think it does, but an erect dick is not necessary and I prefer orgasm without it personally. So too, know that if he’s doing things like he’s in a porn video, he’s not doing it right. All that jack hammering DOES hurt, and it does nothing for most women. If he’s good in bed and a giving partner, sex won’t be like that. No one should be shoving anything in you like a dry old tampon, don’t let them. Penetration happens when you give the green light, it’s not up to him to decide. Porn is a terrible tool for educating oneself about sex, so if you get the sense from a guy that’s what he expects out of sex you might just want to move along. Everything should be communicated and consented to and only happen with your full enthusiasm.
It took me a few years for it to feel good tbh. Actually, about 5 years of being with my partner. Did not before then and I didn’t pursue it. There’s other ways to accomplish the same deal
Porn isn’t sex. Always, ALWAYS remember that
A few points
Porn is a performance. It is not what sex normally looks or feels like.
You mentioned having vaginismus. That absolutely can impact how having something inserted feels. For most women, there isn’t any discomfort with is writing a tampon unless it’s too dry.
That said, your brain is your most important sex organ. When you’re aroused your vaginal canal relaxes and produces lubrication, making it easier for something to be inserted. There’s also foreplay and synthetic lubrication that help. Many women wouldn’t be comfortable going straight from zero to 100.
That’s because porn isn’t real. Seriously, it’s not. Most of the time in porn the actors are contorting into positions that look best on camera, not ones that actually feel good for either party. Real sex often looks nothing like you see in porn. There’s slow kisses and touching, giggling and talking, with a much MUCH slower pace than porn
Don’t base your mindset about sex on porn videos from the internet.
Your body prepares itself for sex when you’re aroused. That’s the key, you have to actually be really turned on and aroused and with the right person. Then it’ll all be natural, it’s something you are participating in, not something that is being done to you! It should not be a violent act that you are experiencing passively. You move as well. He should be paying attention to whether or not you are enjoying it, connecting with you, listening to you, gentle if you need that, you should feel totally safe. It shouldn’t be scary, you should feel in control. You can also choose to be on top if that helps you feel more in control.
If you are fully aroused before he penetrates you then it won’t hurt, it’ll feel good. There should be LOTS of foreplay for as long as you need, foreplay also (actually primarily) focused on YOU getting fully aroused and not just getting him hard. You should be fully relaxed. He should be patient and help you be relaxed. He should be checking in with you during the act and making sure you are enjoying it the entire time, and he should stop immediately if you say stop, or ow, or are giving body language that you just aren’t enjoying it.
You’ll know when you are fully aroused because you’ll want it, but you should be completely wet and relaxed. It won’t be like inserting a tampon. But also, you may be using the wrong size tampons for your flow.
You’ll understand it when you have a good partner. Please be so picky about your partner, because sex is very vulnerable and it’s a different kind of vulnerability when you are being penetrated. You need to have sex with a man who really understands that. Don’t let any man pressure you into it if your body isn’t ready or you don’t want to
Continued clitoral stimulation is overrated, imo. It feels, like, too on-the-nose and too much stimulation at that spot.
I don’t get it either, to be honest, but I’m asexual. Do you feel desire? If not, or not much, it may be worth exploring asexual identities.
You can’t just go straight from no activity to absolute “slamming.” There should be some buildup of comfortability for that.
But for me at least, yes the slamming is effing amazing. 😅
I couldn’t use tampons either as a teen – my hymen was still intact and didn’t “break” until the first time I had sex. (It might be as simple as this and NOT vaginismus as everyone is suggesting!) And yes, I remember having the same thoughts as you – that the idea of penetrative sex was SO unappealing and unfathomable how it could be pleasurable.
Like others have said, it really has to do with your headspace and how much you trust your partner. Also, the ups and downs of hormones have a massive effect. I’ve gone through some very distinct periods in my life of having both a very high libido and very low, practically non-existent. It’s weird when you remember enjoying sex but can’t get yourself into the headspace for it. All this to say – everything you feel is normal, and will probably change multiple times in your life.
In terms of the physicality of it – it’s kind of like getting a really good massage or scratching an itch. Just a feeling of relief when it’s good. 😜
If a tampon hurts, consider seeing a PELVIC FLOOR PHYSICAL THERAPIST. It’s not supposed to hurt.
If the man is “slamming in and out of you,” then he is doing it wrong.
Sigh…vaginismus. Not diagnosing you, but… yeah. Welcome to the club.
Even without my condition, I honestly don’t think I’d like sex much. I just don’t. It’s so violating and vulnerable yet treated as routine/with indifference. It doesn’t even feel that good, it’s almost always uncomfortable and/or painful. I honestly cant even take care of myself anymore cause, what, that’s what I’m supposed to think about? Gross.
If it’s possible I recommend watching the Netflix series Sex Education. It gives so many different perspectives on different aspects of sex, and even though they show people doing it, kind of, it’s not like porn at all.
The online videos you’ve seen are not representative of typical sex. Porn is often niche specific and generally far from realistic.
Sex is generally speaking a fun and pleasurable experience. Early sex should probably be with someone you trust and are generally very comfortable around – sex is a skill and like many skills it is awkward and clumsy until you have some experience and comfort around it and it’s not likely to be *great* until you figure out what works for your mind and body. Self experimentation is in my opinion the best way to start. IE read something that excites you and progress with yourself once you are turned on.
There is no reason to rush here, just don’t be fooled nor scared by what you see online… sex or otherwise.
If a tampon is painful, you may have more going on that would be worth a conversation with your doctor.
Not everyone has or likes sex, it’s totally okay and normal to not have sex. And, not everyone does it the same way.
You do not need to have penetration during sex. One of my closest friends (29F) doesn’t because she has vaginismus and internal sensations are excruciatingly painful for her—but she does still enjoy and participate in external sex (using hands and mouths on the external genitalia). I also have another friend (27M) who doesn’t have sex at all because he isn’t interested and hasn’t enjoyed it the few times he tried.
This profile is extremely questionable. It’s an interesting bot and farming approach I guess…
Our society views PIV sex as the only or at least primarly acceptable form of sex. Its a historically rooted misogynist view that thinks sex should be for procreation and women as exclusively baby factories.
As a recently cracked trans woman I’ve discovered that sex is a whole lot more than just putting my penis in something. In fact I am no longer interested in penatrative sex and prefer to explore other ways my body can be made to feel good and orgasm. You’d be surprised how good sex can be when you focus on the things you actually want to do with people that you enjoy doing them with.
Orgasms are achievable with no gential involvement at all. Some of my orgams have come from nothing more than being petted and rubbed while being given words of affirmation. Sex is way more than what porn shows it can be. The irony is that mainstream porn presents itself as the craziest version of sex but doesn’t ever show the things that actually made me feel good.
I’m assuming you are very young, so please listen to everyone here when they say that porn is not sex Ed. Porn is a fantasy it isn’t meant to be real, it is meant as an idealized version of reality.
With that out of the way I encourage you to explore yourself if/when you want. The only way you are gonna enjoy sex is if you know what you like and how to get there.
I have a wife and she doesn’t enjoy penetration at all. But I do. Meanwhile I don’t enjoy oral sex much, but she really does and I like giving it. You really just have to figure what works for you and it isn’t always gonna be what other people find enjoyable