I’ve been in a live in relationship for two years now. There have been big fights and small fights and regardless of the situation, my girlfriend has always had this habit of losing it and shouting. I grew up in an abusive home with constant yelling and I have told her that I don’t like it when she screams or yells. I am the person who just shuts down when I am being yelled at, so naturally everytime we have these fights I shut down, and I need my space. Which makes her either even more angry or she’ll apologise to me by force hugging me and forcefully kissing me. Which ends up suffocating me mentally because I need time to process all the shouting and it sometimes honestly feels like I am being held captive or something.
Mentally I am not in a good space currently and I have told her multiple times that I do think I am depressed. Knowing this, recently she had another outburst because of a disagreement. My body just started shutting down and I was constantly feeling drowsy and tired and sleepy. This made her even more angry telling me I do not care about her feelings. My mind can’t process all of this because of the things I am already going through and it ended in me sleeping almost 24/7 throughout the day and night. I am constantly tired. I don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t feel like talking to her anymore, it’s like my feelings and my body has just decided to shut down completely. I don’t know how she is not seeing the signs? I am drowning mentally, physically and emotionally and how can she not know that this is not normal for anyone. I know that even if I try to make her understand, it will be the same again because she literally cannot control her anger ever. And I am always her punching bag. At this point I just want to leave but she’s financially dependent on me so I feel bad to leave her but at the same time if I do stay I don’t think I can force myself to like her again and I am scared all hell will break lose. She also has the tendency to throw things. She’s thrown stuff at me twice, she said she’ll work on it but I am scared at this point.
TL;DR; : My girlfriend has anger issues and it’s driving me crazy to a point where my body just seems like it cannot cope with it anymore.
Comments
I’m curious – what do you hope to learn from us? What are you seeking? You know the answer will be “leave your abuser.”
Yeah no, this is straight up abuse. I don’t care if she’s dependent on you, you need to leave her immediately. If she lives with you, kick her out. It’s not your responsibility, to support her, she’ll figure something out. You absolutely cannot stay in this relationship. It’s already destroying your mental health.
> I grew up in an abusive home with constant yelling
To put it bluntly, you are still in an abusive home. She’s abusing you; verbally, mentally and physically.
> force hugging me and forcefully kissing me
Time to take off your rose-colored glasses; this is assault.
> she’s financially dependent on me
Too bad for her. She should have gotten her shit together a long time ago.
You need a good therapist, and to get her out of your life once and for all; this relationship isn’t good for you at all.
> She’s thrown stuff at me twice
Guarantee this will escalate eventually. Are you waiting for her to start hitting you? Or for her to try to strangle you?
I know reddit tends to jump straight to the ‘break up, get away from her’ idea, but in this case, it’s correct and crucial that you get away from her once and for all, for good, no matter what it takes.
I wish you strength and peace, friend. Be strong enough to get away from her so you can find some peace and eventually achieve happiness.