We are dating for 4 months and almost live together (her house so close to mine, we make dinner and breakfast her house and chill and sleep in mine). We Made a deal with my gf about removing all past relationships (exes casuals Fwb etc) and removing all related posts, following, followers on İnsta. We have a boundary about past people for each other like removing all contacts, put all old ex gifts to thrash etc.
Couple days ago I see a old Pic(6 months old Pic) of a guy and her in her Priv İnsta account and asked who he was she said just a friend and i kept asking about details. She said there were nothing between them ever they never flirted etc but after i asked if are they still friend she made a pause and after enough digging she confess he tried asked her out but she refused. So I got mad that she tried to hide this saying nothing happened. After watching some Netflix together i wasn’t satisfied and kept asking question and at some point she had this weird expression, i tried to find all contradictories in her story and at the end she confess they had intercouse in the past. Apparently they were friend untill he make a move to her romantically she refused and have intercouse.
She said she didn’t wanted to tell me and lie because she scared of my reaction which we talked about this kind of things in the past and she decided to not tell him, if she talked about this guy then it would be OK.
She said they are not in contact anymore and she won’t planning to see him.
Well meanwhile i got so angry because of her lie and how she didn’t wanted to confess but just stood there with a guilty expression and not answering anything about 15m, after all those i started to act crazy like throw a lighter on the wall, punch table, call her really bad names which I’m not proud of. She begged me to forgive her while crying and i kicked her out of the house.
Later i msged her that i was too angry for lying and we could make it out, it wouldn’t be too easy but it’s not impossible. I thought she had to make it up because of the lie but she surprised me said she doesn’t want to be with me because of my reaction. While arguing about this she confessed she didn’t wanted to remove this guy rather than forgetting about this or me getting angry but he meant so much to her so she didn’t wanted to remove (funny thing is she removed him right after the argument). She would hang with him “as just friends” but she didn’t and wouldn’t? Idk the logic here.
She said if I forgive her i would constantly question her, never belive her so she doesn’t want this.
When she first confessed She begged for forgiveness but now she says i lost this privilege after i kicked her out.
Idk what to do, i still love her but i can’t accept that she acts as my reaction were a bigger problem and i have to beg for forgiveness. I don’t know how can i accept her after knowing she wanted to kept this guy in her life while lying to me. I need help.
TL;DR: My gf lied to me about a friend she had intercouse before me and tried to hide it because his friendship was important for her. After I got really angry and reacted unhealthy she made it a bigger problem then her lie.
Comments
Yeah, your shitty reaction doesn’t excuse what she did. There isn’t a transactional quality to the bad things we do to one another.
“Oh I fucked the pool boy, so you’ve got 30 dollars in “bad behavior” credit now. That’s worth 3 temper tantrums and one major financial purchase without consultation.”
What she did HAS TO BE ADDRESSED. On its own.
What you did HAS TO BE ADDRESSED. On its own.
The fact that she’s trying to use it to weasel out of handling this former FWB situation in a real way is a serious problem. This guy should have been the easiest removal from her life but she’s clinging to him by any means necessary. First she lied about it and now she’s basically negotiating how to keep him around. That’s… not a great sign. Clearly she’s still emotionally tied to him in a way that’s not great.