The first two months of meeting my now husband (when we were not yet exclusive) he also was meeting up with both me and his ex on multiple occasions and invited her over to his apartment and was physical with her.
After we had sex for the first time he still saw her 2 days later on New Year’s Day. I feel extremely hurt about this even tho we weren’t in a committed relationship because I only monogamously date and it felt disrespectful that he was still physically into his ex.
The first 7 months of our relationship he continued texting his ex girlfriend at the same time because he had feelings for her and he wasn’t honest with me about any of this- not when we got engaged, not when we got married. He cheated on me for 1/3 of our dating life. He says to me he couldn’t let go of the friendship. The texts don’t have anything romantic, they were largely platonic and about the cats they both had, the new job she got, however there are 500+ texts in all 7 months between them. They were talking as much as we would and it makes me very uncomfortable that he was talking to her- she also had no idea he was in a relationship at the time. I feel like I was a placeholder. He only stopped texting her after she posted her new boyfriend on instagram- when he saw this he blew up on her and said “good luck to you and your balding boyfriend”
How can I move forward knowing all of this? He also didn’t admit it to me, I found out AFTER we just got married and something in me snapped to look at his phone
During our relationship he was often very controlling. He told me both his exes cheated on him and it made him insecure. I told him I’d do anything to make him feel secure. He once exploded over my ex talking stage just wishing me happy birthday. During this same time he was constantly texting his ex. He would make me feel bad for things he did tenfolds more.
He feels very regretful and says he’ll do anything to change but I don’t know what to do. I did notice he was very slow to ask me to be his girlfriend (3 months) and he said I love you after 9 months. So he was grieving and healing from his last relationship in the beginning of our own relationship. I do sense change in him and he’s way more loving to me but how do I erase the past? He was still not honest with me in the foundation of the relationship
Tl;dr found out about husband emotionally cheating on me for the first 9 months of knowing him and dating him
Comments
feelings donot change overnight. he only stopped texting her but probably still feels the same way. you have your whole life ahead of you, please get the fuck out of that relationship. let him be and heal on his own. donot waste your time there. i have been through exact same situation except that i wasnot married. you will only endup losing yourself entirely.