We’re together just about 24/7. We live together, I currently do not work a traditional job, I have a small business I run from home and she is on disability and will be the rest of her life. She has a brain injury from a car accident from 13 years ago. If you met her or seen her you would not even have any idea she has a permanent disability until she told you of maybe until you’ve known her for several months and maybee picked up on little things. Anyways I’ve had the same conversations with her 1. About space and 2. About respect and recognizing my wants needs. She tends to hear these things and recognize them but this all only lasts for maybe 3 days max. We’re together all day every day, we do almost everything together. It’s rare I even go to run an errand or 2 without her let alone go out to hangout with a friend or do an activity/hobby by myself or with others without her tagging along. We’ve been together coming up on 3 years in December and I’m just kind of sick of not being heard or her respecting that I may want time to myself or time without her as well as things like if I’m not feeling the best or simply do not want to do something or don’t feel up to it and I express that. She seems to hardly even care but when she’s not feeling well she tends to say it over and over if I try and get her to do something she just say “(my name) I’m not feeling well!” But when I’m not feeling good it’s like she doesn’t give a shit or she might ask if I need anything but will continue to tell me “we have to do this” or “we need this for the house” or “we have to go here” “I want this” (I am the only one that drives but some of these things are not “needed”) and I feel like I’m like a stepping stool some days because I’ve had these same conversations a dozen times and things just don’t seem to change. She is my best friend and I couldn’t picture myself without her and I enjoy being with her like 90-95 percent of the time. Im just sick of not being heard or feeling respected or having things reciprocated by her.
TLDR: I’m tired of having the same conversations with my gf and not seeing much change from her end and feeling like I’m being walked on
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She understands what you’re asking for (it works for 3 days), then chooses not to maintain it. The asymmetry is the real issue. When she doesn’t feel well, she gets respect. When you don’t feel well, you get “we have to do this anyway.” You’re currently isolated. No friends, hobbies, or even solo errands after 3 years. That level of enmeshment isn’t healthy for anyone, disability or not.
The brain injury is context, but it doesn’t change the fundamental dynamic: your needs consistently come second, and your boundaries get ignored.
Two hard truths:
Start small here. Take one errand alone. See how it feels to have 30 minutes where your time is your own. You need space to think clearly about whether you’re willing to accept a relationship where your voice doesn’t matter.
I mean do you think any of these behaviors are downstream of her disability?
Either way, communication is critical in any relationship, and it sounds like you two aren’t communicating effectively. If you don’t think that’s a fixable problem, then you should probably end the relationship.
You might need to give her an ultimatum, tbh. You really love a lot about her, and tell her what those things are, but her behaviour of making you feel unheard is deeply upsetting to you, and could lead to you wanting to end the relationship. Try to be specific about how it makes you feel, and try not to be too harsh on her. If she can’t be a grown up, and make a genuine effort to change her behaviour out of respect for you, then do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t respect you enough to change something that’s a big issue to you?
Dude she has a brain injury significant enough that she won’t ever work. Brain injuries often led to issues with memory, impulsivity, and difficulty recognising social cues.
Doesn’t this seem like it would stem from the brain injury?
As someone who was married to a woman who was like this, expect it to get worse if you don’t enforce your boundaries. Take a day off and tell her you are going by yourself. It’s not a discussion. If you don’t enforce it, it’ll never happen. Don’t give in. And since discussion didn’t seem to get through to her, it’s time to just do it. You might have to block her temporarily on your phone.
If she can’t respect personal boundaries and her grasping at you too much is killing the relationship, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship. It’s amazing how free you feel and how much life you miss out on when you’re finally out of the self induced prison. She’s not giving you space. it is very selfish. Time to be selfish and take back your time.
Like what???
Relationships take acceptance, compromise, chilling out and the biggy forgiveness….
How often do you not feel well for 3 days? Just tell her no?