Content warning: mentions of alcohol and brief sh
I (17f) feel physically sick, cold, and have panic attacks when my partner (18f) drinks even the littlest amount of alcohol. I apologize as I’m not the best at writing and my memory is not great due to constant disassociation. For some background, I’ve always been scared of example, my parents being drunk as it was always scary to me (I’ve not ever seen them intoxicated much, but the thought terrified me), but most of the family on my dad’s side drunk themselves to death at a relatively young age, and at the age of 13, I dated a girl who was a borderline alcoholic. I used to wake up to her every morning threatening to kill herself while drunk, even sober at times. The relationship lasted around 5 months, but it put a lasting impact on me. When I was 15 I started dating my girlfriend. Since she is from England, she graduated in year 11, and had a safe grad party. This is where I first noticed something was wrong. When I realized she was a bit drunk I immediately felt freezing cold and started having a panic attack and crying. Later, when my mental health was at an all time low, I started drinking at 15 to sixteen, until a couple months ago. It was constant. It was to the point where I drank a 1.75ml bottle of Alberta clear within 2 days. My girlfriend doesn’t drink much at all. Once every couple of months, but whenever she does, I get the urge to relapse on drinking or injuring myself and I feel so guilty for it. All I want is to get rid of this fear. I constantly am scared that she’ll drink and not tell me though she never has, when she mentions grabbing a drink without being specific I immediately get cold. My paranoia is destroying my relationship and I have no clue what to do, where this stemmed from, or what actions I can take to get rid of this fear. My partner even says that I can’t get rid of the fear and that I’ll just have to learn to deal with the fear and manage it, but I just want it gone forever. What can I do? I don’t know if this is the right subreddit to post on for this type of situation but I’m desperate for an answer.
Tl;dr
I have a fear of my partner drinking alcohol due to past experiences with it. What steps can I take to heal this fear?
Comments
It sounds like you need therapy to work through your own personal issues. It’s either that, or you date someone who never drinks.
I am sorry to hear you had such a rough time with alcohol at such a young age. You would really benefit from therapy. You need to work through this with a professional.
You’re coming to an age where most people are going to socially drink. You’re going to need to get therapy to address your issues with it. It’s not normal to have meltdowns or breakdowns like this.
You have to take care of yourself first. If you cannot be around a partner who drinks, even moderately, without risking your own relapse, then you need to have a partner who is a tee-totaler like yourself. Your girlfriend does not seem have much risk of addiction, considering how little she drinks, so could you compromise with her not keeping alcohol in the house, and not drinking when she is with you?
It’s not fair of you to expect her to not have a drink or two occasionally when she is out with friends. Also, there is no reason at all that she should have to tell you when she has one or two. If it’s not happening around you, and she is not coming home drunk, then it should not affect you at all.
Do you attend AA meetings? Perhaps you could find some help there with your fears of relapse.