Sometimes I wonder if I should share my thoughts (36F) on how my boyfriend (38M) can be lazy or selfish, but I hold back because it feels mean. Meanwhile, he has no problem pointing things out in the moment- for example, “You’re being super judgmental” right then and there.
Last night this happened during what was otherwise a really nice evening, and it kind of ruined the vibe. It left me wondering: is it better to handle feedback in the moment, or should it be more of a bigger-picture conversation where you bring up patterns you’ve noticed?
I’ll admit I can be sensitive, so part of me wonders if this is just normal critique that I should learn to brush off instead of letting it affect my mood. At the same time, I’d really like to figure out how to approach feedback – both giving and receiving it- in a way that actually helps both people feel like they’re open to growing rather than being judged.
TL;DR: Boyfriend gives me feedback in the moment (e.g. “You’re being judgmental”), which sometimes kills the vibe. I hold back on giving him feedback because I worry it will sound mean. How do couples typically share feedback in a way that’s constructive, sensitive, and growth-oriented?