I’m exhausted and everything I do backfires on me. I have no more left to give.

Ummmm….I just need to chat. I’m lost. I’ve raised my three kids. I was a stay at home Mom and was married to the biggest narcissistic person for three decades.

I feel like damaged goods. We are in the process of divorce and I feel so alone. I’ve had five jobs in one year. I started college to get a degree and had to drop out because ‘we couldn’t afford it’. In othercwords-my wants and needs are too much for HIM. He complained and complained about being the only provider but when I try to make something of myself-he finds an excuse as to why it’s not important. I have so many dreams. I feel like I will never reach any of them.

I honestly don’t even care anymore. Like at all. He impregnated my underage niece and I was so blinded by his abuse-his put downs, his blame, constantly walking on eggshells-that I stayed and continued to be abused and believe his lies. It completely ripped a hole in the very fabric of my family. He destroyed her and I stayed. I stayed.

My kids are so hurt by his evil ways. I have one kid who has completely ignored ME for over a year. It’s so painful. I did my best to care for her. I have another kid who was raped at 13 by a friend and my other kid barricades himself in the house and has no desire for friends and it’s all my fault.

After I found out about the rape and baby- I started self medicating. I didn’t want to unalive myself but I also didn’t want to be here-so I took anything and everything to help me sleep all the time. Almost three years I did that. I have been clean and sober since 2019 and also in therapy and taking antidepressants.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like a failure. I can’t even afford an attorney for my divorce so I’m doing it all myself and he is taking advantage of that because he CAN afford a lawyer.

I don’t think I’ve ever been this low. I need support. I need money. I feel bad because my 85 year old Mother is trying to help me shoulder this and she can’t. We just lost my Dad. She has enough on her plate.

Please don’t send me reddit cares. I know that. That’s why I’ve reached out.

If you got this far-thank you.