I am 32 single. I am a badass woman, been through a beautiful painful wild healing journey. Safe to say I have had a hard life. My parents were very abusive and it didnt take until my 30s to finally shed light on that wound, and learn that yes my childhood wasnt normal. My childhood was disturbing and my father abused me in the ways that was inappropraite. I went no contact this year – best decision I ever made. My brother is an abusive psychopath so Hes not in my life either. My aunties uncles and grandma , my only living grandparent have shunned me. So Ive got my cousins. Thats about it. But even with them its kind of weird. But my cousin Josh is the real MVP hes really close to me. And I have some other cousins but its still weird bc their parents are still close iwth my parents. and they all still do holidays tiogether keep in touch etc.
I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder at 17. (This year with the help of a highly qualified Psychiatrist PhD MD published etc I had seen for one year…we worked to discover i was misdiagnosed with bipolar and it really was cPTSD from child abuse).
ok back to my past.
I am also a SA survivor. I was SA by two men at 19 when I was drugged.
At 20 I was manipulated and entrapped by the “good guy” of my hometown. It turned to be horrific. Hes a ted bundy type. We moved away and it got worse. It was domestic violence, stalking. But like really disturbing details.
Not to mention the crazy stories and the fucking wild shit the really crazy dark things I did when “manic” aka losing my mind from the trauma an put on psych meds. The acting out sexually as a teen wasnt mania I have learned, it was syptoms of my childhood.
So yeah . I have quite a back story. However I have reached a place whee I have healed. I have gratitude for it all because its made me such a strong, empathetic, wise, and resilient survivor. And Ive helped younger girls like me. I am incredibly emotionally intelligent and just intelligent in general. I am spiritual and have strong faith and I can get through the darkest of times and see the silver lining and turn out better for it.
I am emotionally mature, financially independent and recently moved to a new state and have a brand new life.
I am newly single. Ready to dive back in though. I truly am ready to build. I moved states and I am literally starting 100% fresh . I moved to Oregon. Where I live in this small town Ive assimilated in a short amount of time because I am really good with people. Im a waitress in the only diner in town and 90% customers are regulars and the diner is attached to the town bar. Yeah so Im meeting single men constantly and I am the cute new waitress in this town. And men around here are super hot and outdoorsy like me. Im also badass and just also not easily impressed by men, (men start in jail and have to work their way out) and Im happy alone. So its as if they want me more. Im not jumping into anything, But Im ready to meet a person to build a life with. I have a gift with children and was a nanny for many years I am meant to be a mother, So I am dating for the end game.
But..
Comments
You sound like you’ve got your head on straight despite past hardships. You’re confident in yourself and what you want out of a partner. That’s a lot more than a lot of us can say (myself included). Your challenge now is going to be sifting through all the first dates to find that person. Don’t settle. Don’t lose hope. Don’t assume you are the problem if you’re having trouble finding someone – keep your standards where you want them, not where you think you need to lower them to. You’ll find someone – just keep your head up and remember that dating is all about finding THAT person, not A person. You deserve the best after everything you’ve been through.
Hi, sorry to hear all this happened.
I just try and build in a natural and appropriate way. Early on I don’t really know them so why would I share a lot anyway? So I’ll bring it up in a small, natural, honest but not oversharing ways. E.g. oh yeah, the year after uni I stayed at home for a year, that was hard for me as home wasn’t a super safe environment. Or… yes I definitely have had struggles with mental health. That kind of level.
As I get to know them and trust them more, I’ll probably start to colour in the edges. A little more detail. Some shading etc. I never dump all at once – it’s overwhelming and too much for them and me. so I think treat it like you do any other relationship, where as trust builds you share more as appropriate.
All the best
Make sure you build a solid support network of friends and chosen family if you don’t have it already. Even the most independent, fierce, badass woman needs a good reality check from time to time, from good people.
You don’t have to go about anything alone.