Hey all! 34, not married but in a serious relationship, getting my PhD in social sciences and living in the Midwest. I have been craving community lately and realizing I don’t have a lot here aside from my partner who is wonderful but doesn’t scratch that itch.
How did you find your people in your mid 30s?
It does not help that I have been a tad bit nomadic (living in my 4th state) and I am non-religious so no church/synagogue. I thought my PhD cohort would be my community but it’s turning out to be less than i thought and actually making me crave community even more. What worked for you?
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I joined a Facebook group for a niche hobby of me, started organizing meetups with group members, and now I have a bunch of friends that share the same hobby 🙂
The best way I’ve found is to organize different events around stuff that’s interesting or important for me. Poetry open mics, storytelling evenings, open brunches, writing workshops etc. There’s structure, there’s sharing, there’s space to make further plans if it goes well. Soon you’ll hear about other events going on and it’ll create a nice cycle of regular contact that allows for relationships and community to develop.
I go to art classes and dance classes at the same places weekly. It has allowed me to make some acquaintances with people which has been great because I get to connect but there is not a lot of pressure to deepen the friendship past our shared hobby!
Bumble bff. Met some awesome ladies who I see most weekends
I found my people in grad school (also phd in social sciences from a university in the Midwest). Not in my cohort necessarily. Students in other depts and at varying stages. Also I took a creative writing workshop during that time and met my soulmate best friend. I also befriended the housemate of an ex. All in all, friends i made in my 30s in grad school will be my friends for life. I hope you meet your people too.
Group music class. It took a lot of trial and error, I tried different groups and hobbies and finally something has stuck.
I’ve had luck on meetup.com over the years. I moved states almost a year ago and found a book club. I enjoy reading and wanted to branch out and read things I wouldn’t normally read, and once a month I get together with the other ladies at a great restaurant to chat. It’s not BFF level friendship but it’s still fun. There are groups for tons of hobbies and interests but if you can’t find one for yours, make one! A lot of my friendships over the years have been around hobbies.
I also made really good friends at the dog park where I used to live. That hasn’t worked out for me since moving but I would have loved for that to be the case. Dogs make it really easy to meet people since dog people love talking about their dogs.
I haven’t found my people yet, and I’ve come to be OK with the idea that I probably never will. I have coworker friends, but I’m not close to them. I don’t spend a lot of time with them. I like them and they like me. But they aren’t “my” people.
I was friends with the majority of my lab mates in grad school. But it was the same deal as it is now with my coworker friends. I liked them just enough to goof around with them in the lab. Occasionally I would accept an invitation to hang out with them outside of school. But I wasn’t close to any of them. It was OK, though. I was so busy that I didn’t get lonely.
I second fb groups for hobbies
Bumble BFF!
Book club
For me it’s a combination of my college friends, med school friends, and my husband’s friends’ wives, who are now my friends too.
I think the advice for dating works pretty well for friendship. My most natural friendships evolved out of a shared activity where we ran into each other regularly, shared a hobby, and were then able to develop our relationship beyond the hobby by hanging out one on one or in small groups.
FB fan group for bands I like!
In my experience, location matters a lot. I’ve felt that areas that are more suburban generally are populated by people who grew up in the same place all their lives. That means that they already have their friends from childhood/school/college. I’m also a 2nd gen American and so I look for places where I can find more friends from my cultural/religious background, which is a minority in America (like 1%). Requires me to live in/near VHCOL city. I like it but I know it’s not for everyone.
I think as a student, it may help to be more involved around campus. What I miss about university is that it felt like a small town in itself with lots of activities for folks. When you are done, I’d consider moving to a place where you feel you can find something that caters to your specific hobbies/interests to make friends.
I will say I haven’t found “my people” as I’ve made many acquaintances than friends over the last few years but I do enjoy meeting new people and feel it’s significantly different when I’m in a city compared to when I’m in the suburbs