I always been a bit socially awkward, so I’d like an outside opinion on this. One of my coworkers, who also amusingly enough happens to be my next-door neighbor, invited me to her birthday party at her place where she lives with her parents.
We’ve been working together for about six months in a specialized emergency service. She’s brand new to the field, while I have a bit more experience and recently returned to this line of work after a break (I’d rather not share too many details). We get along really well at work and function effectively as a team, both during training and on calls.
I genuinely appreciate her as a colleague and value the invitation, but I feel uncomfortable attending because of the age gap. On top of that, I’m the only coworker invited, which makes it feel a little odd to join in a private/social setting.
Before she even mentioned the party, she asked if I had plans for that evening and I said no.
How can I politely decline without making up stupid excuses, while still avoiding coming across as rude or hurting her feelings?
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Sadly I hear that you are going to twist your ankle earlier in the day and be lying on the sofa with an ice pack that night – of course you very much hope that she has a great time and will obviously see her on your next shift.
Just tell her what you’ve said here. Honestly brother you’ve laid it out well.
You have plans but thanks for the invite.
the truth sounds pretty reasonable, just tell her what you said here
Go. Show up for 15 minutes, tell her happy birthday, leave a card, and bounce.
Your options are to tell her no, and why, honestly (like you did in your post), or not. Maybe her feelings will be hurt. That’s life.
You also don’t have to make up a “stupid excuse”. A simple “I’m no longer able to make it” is sufficient.
But also, you can say “I have concerns about being so much older than you and your friends.”
Tell her the truth
Just say thanks for the invite but you prefer not to mix work and private life.
This is where having a spouse helps. “I didn’t know my wife had plans for us, sorry!”
But make sure you go away a bit before the party starts.
Then…realize that people trap others by asking if you have plans before asking you to join them. My sister does this, and I got trapped one time. I started replying, “I’m not sure, why? What’s going on?” to anyone who asks that first. I don’t like telling people I don’t want to do what they want me to do.
Text an hour before that you have a migraine and you can’t make it
Go, stay for a short time, then leave. Or alternatively don’t go and say you ‘fell asleep’ .
Thanks for the invite, but I’m a little old to be bar hopping with 21 year olds haha, have a great time and enjoy a shot on me (give a card with $20)