Hi! I need some advice on how to break up with my gf. We have been dating for the last 2 years and planning on moving in together soon.
Her relationship with her brother has always bothered me because anytime he visits, they behave like a couple. They sleep in the same bed, even though there’s another bed or a couch available. Sleeping in the same bed would’ve been fine if they weren’t CUDDLING.
They also change clothes in front of each other, without hesitation.
That makes me feel very icky and weird about this whole situation. When they are out for dinner or something, they hold hands while walking to the place.
I have mentioned it to her on multiple occasions that this is odd behavior and I dont love this dynamic. She says that they are just close and thats it.
Just to add some more info, she also keeps comparing me to her as in, trying to dress us similarly and how we handle certain things.
This is coming up again because we were supposed to attend her cousin’s wedding and I couldn’t go because of work but her and her brother went. Their extended family was also present there and even with another room being empty, they shared the same bed.
I told her that I’m not comfortable with this and to tell him that you need some privacy. She said, that they have always shared a bed and I can’t just say it. I feel like 2 grown adults, especially siblings can understand if there’s another bed available, they can take that one.
They came back from the wedding and slept in the same bed again, even though there’s another room available at her place. I called her and she didn’t pick up for more than an hour and when she called me back, they were already in bed showered.
That’s the gist of it, but I can keep going lol. Please help me on how to navigate this situation.
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You sit her down and say
“ I wanna break for [ blank reason ] “ not hard.
Hey. This is not working out. I want to end this relationship. Good luck.
If you’re not comfortable with their dynamic, don’t move in together. Focus on yourself, not them, say to her you can’t see this going further and break it off. If she asks why say something true but vague like your values don’t align. There’s no point in bringing up her brother because if there is something inappropriate going on fixing it is going to require 1)years of therapy and 2)her to acknowledge she’s unhappy about the situation and if there is nothing inappropriate going on, they’re just more comfortable with each other than you’re used to, forcing them to stop their dynamic will make everything awkward. Cut your losses and move on
I don’t want to go out with you anymore. I’m breaking up with you. It’s pretty standard. You don’t live together so it’s not that hard. Unlike her brother when he’s in bed with your girlfriend.
You just gotta tell her. Don’t sugarcoat it. Yes, feelings will be hurt, but it is better to be frank and direct.
You’ve already shared how it makes you feel and she won’t change. No need to explain further, say it’s not working out, she’s not what you’re looking for, it’s not me it’s you, whatever you think it’s easiest. This is very weird best to just make it quick and easy.
lol people are so funny 😆 what do you mean how can you break up with her? Tell her that her incestuous relationship with her brother makes you fucking disgusted and uncomfortable as hell and you’re not down for sharing her with her brother anymore because it’s fucking gross and wrong. That’s it.
“Your relationship with your brother is icky. You won’t change. I’m out.” Exit nearest door.
You’re too old to let this drag on, just end it. Tell her it’s not working out and that you’re ending the relationship especially to give you peace of mind. You don’t need to tell someone that you’re breaking up with a whole details explanation especially if she already knows your feelings about that weird behavior and she basically told you “fk your feelings”.
just walk, man. she’s busy being freshly showered with her brother in bed
“I don’t think this is working out. I’ve brought up how uncomfortable I feel about your inappropriate actions around your brother, and I feel like you’ve been dismissive of my feelings every time. I don’t feel heard in our relationship, and I’m not looking for that type of relationship. I don’t want to feel like a third wheel in a romantic relationship to my partners sibling. I do not want to be in a relationship where my partner acts like a couple with their sibling, so I’m breaking up with you”
Brother or step brother? Think I saw that video clip somewhere.
K that all sounds weird as fuck. Like why would you want your brother’s morning erection poking you ?
I’d say it again, you can’t handle the dynamic of people in public thinking he’s her bf, not her brother, cuddling in bed – hope they are in pajamas or clothes and she’s not in a nightie and him in his underwear, and whatever other odd behavior you’ve seen. Like kissing him on the mouth if that’s also happened.
So either change that behavior, or I’m not the guy for you, and not many would ever condone that incestuous behavior.
Maybe leave out incestuous if you want to work it out.
Watch the episode of “friends” together where this happens and see how she reacts.
You sure it’s her brother? Like her parents confirmed this?
This is seriously weird and she will struggle in any relationship going forward if she isn’t prepared to put a stop to this. Tell her straight and get out of there!
So yeah, it’s weird. But you’re jealous of her brother? You’re taking eccentric behavior and making it sexual when it’s just normalcy for them. Now this assumes this really is her brother…
But if you can’t handle it, then break it off. Don’t string her along and berate her for her weird family dynamics.
Just tell her you’re not compatible. No need to say more than that.
“Since u cant stop being sexually intamint with ur brother for a second and listen to my feelings for once this whole 3 some thing thats in your have in your head isn’t working out for me. You can now announce your relationship as monogomus, because I will no longer be part of it!” And block her right after, trust
Nah, I think you gave plenty of info to suggest to me that this definitely NOT normal sibling behavior. Do not move in with her and end the relationship or it will be the 3 of you in the bed together. Or she’ll probably make you sleep on the couch while they share the bed. Either way, you are a 3rd wheel to their relationship.
Just tell her this isn’t working and that you can’t see being in a relationship with her and her brother.
I don’t know why people are telling you not to mention her brother. If I were you I would 100% bring that up as a reason for the breakup, be honest with her. Maybe it will make her reevaluate her borderline incestuous behaviours. Even if she says she’ll change if you stay, don’t stay with her. One of my ex’s had a weird relationship like this with his cousin, and it never changed no matter how many times I brought it up. It grossed me and I could never look at his the same. The only way people will change is with consequences for their actions/inactions.
Is holding hands while walking or hanging out weird? I do this too with my friends.
Just end it. This relationship isn’t moving forward. We aren’t compatible. Then block.
“ I want to let you know that I’m gonna be breaking up with you. I know you and your brother are close but it’s odd to me that you keep sharing beds and get changed in front of each other. I kinda understand sharing a bed if you’re in a tight space and there’s no other beds available, but there is. I feel like I’m a third wheel in your relationship so I’m gonna leave you to it.”
You already brought this up multiple times and she refuses to change. Are they fraternal twins? Sometimes twins are very close, and a partner can feel like a third wheel. But there is also a chance they’re secretly in love and just can’t show it/act on it or they’d be judged. And in that case, the brother will always be number one for her. Either way, this is definitely NOT normal and if she discards your feelings, that’s a red flag. A partner is supposed to listen to you and respect your boundaries. She is not doing that.
Tell her things are not working out, and you changed your mind about moving in together. Tell her you feel you’re not compatible enough to have a life together. Her brother will be there to support her, so it’s not like she will be completely lonely and miserable. 2 years is a pretty short time. You’re not living together yet, you don’t have kids, this is the perfect time to leave and start over with someone else who listens to you and isn’t weird with her brother. Just rip off the band-aid.
Have you ever asked her why she is this close to her brother? Is it something that’s normal in her culture? There are some cultures who do things like this and it’s considered normal and not sexual. Did they have a major traumatic experience when they were younger, that forced them to be this close for survival and comfort? When the 3 of you sleep under the same roof, who does she sleep with, you or him? Or does she want the 3 of you to share a bed? It’s obvious you don’t like being the 3rd wheel in their relationship. And it’s probably over. But if you can understand why they are the way they are, and it’s not sexual, then maybe some perspective can help both of you be more understanding.
Say you’re worried they might push a wolf out a window and you’re a friend of the animals.