He definitely thinks so and I’m too biased from my own experiences to be neutral so here we are. This is not how he normally is day to day. BUT it is a recurring “man cold” issue we have had in the past.
Husband needed a blood draw today. He worked himself up all last night and this morning leading up to it. I know it can be scary and stressful. I know everyone reacts differently. I gave him grace and tried to be reassuring. But after soo much complaining I told him this morning he needs to cut it out because at that point, he was making it worse for himself and he needed to focus on the positive. He should tell the nurse or whoever that he is nervous and doesn’t like needles. He didn’t handle watching my epidurals well, and hasn’t had his own blood drawn in a long time.
Today was our kids’ first day of school. We have 3. Each pregnancy got consecutively worse, where my youngest was considered high risk. So I got A LOT of blood draws in those 27 months. And I fainted or almost fainted Every. Single. Time. I know I have a vasovagal response. I understand the nervousness and fear that comes with needles and blood draws. But I still did them. Because they needed to be done. Because I told myself I could do it. I told the staff so they were prepared to help me. And after they were done and I was revived and considered safe, I either drove myself back to work or home to continue on with my day teaching or taking care of the house and kids. Because I had to and knew I had to keep trucking on because I am an adult.
He said he thinks they took 2 vials but he wasn’t sure since he didn’t look. That he was feeling perfectly fine so he left right after. But 20 minutes into his car ride home he was suddenly light headed, dizzy, and sweaty. He was able to pull over safely into a gas station. He had to sit there for a while until he felt well enough to go in to get some juice and crackers. He called me to stay on the phone the rest of the way home since it wouldn’t be safe to go back to work (he works with heavy machinery on a farm, didn’t want him passing out or over exerting himself alone). I was glad he stayed safe and could rest.
I had done school drop off, cleaned the house, gotten groceries, went to the gym, picked up the youngest 2 to bring them to therapy, brought the middle back to school, then picked up lunch for the 3 of us (husband, youngest, and me) so we didn’t have to cook. At this point husband had slept in, gone to his appointment, come home and rested. He texted and called me constantly saying all the lines of he’s dying and feels terrible. When I come home I find him in the basement playing xbox.
When we’re eating lunch he’s wandering around in a mopey exaggerated way. It had been 4 hours since his blood draw, and while he still looked a bit pale, he was by no means on deaths door. He wanted me to set out his food. To check his temperature. To open up his mail in for him. To grab him a water from the garage. All while I was trying to corral an overtired 3 year old to eat and get ready for a nap. I say no to everything but the water and that he was fine.
After lunch and getting the youngest down, he’s back in the basement. I needed to shower and JUST as I’m getting in I hear her crying on the monitor in our bedroom. I text him asking him to check on her or just come grab the monitor. He asks me to bring it down to him. I tell him I’m about to shower and dont feel like wandering naked through the house half wet when he can do it himself. I hear him stomp up the stairs, he comes into the bathroom to give me a dirty look and a “really?” before disappearing back downstairs with the monitor.
After my shower i ask him what that was about. All he says was that I know he’s feeling terrible and it wouldn’t have killed me to just bring him the monitor, I would’ve had to deal with her if I was home alone like normal so whats the difference. I finally lose it and tell him he’s acting worse than our children. He’s a grown man who got a little bit of blood drawn. He’s not terminally ill and I don’t need to wait on him hand and foot because of one very common and simple medical procedure. I have enough shit to do today and I asked for help because he was home and was CAPABLE of helping out, he just thought I should kiss his feet and he could lay around and get served by me. Now we’re not talking to each other and I know he thinks I should apologize, but I’m over this. I feel like he did it to himself and I had to take the brunt of it with all the complaining and drama.
Comments
>Today was our kids’ first day of school. We have 3.
I think you actually have 4. NTA.
Bro NTA, he didn’t take YOUR epidural well??? That’s insane. Dude needs to get a grip on reality, drink some water, and be a dad. How old is he? Bc he’s acting like a damn child.
NTA. Do not apologize. He’s being absurdly dramatic.
It seems that you have 4 children, not 3. If you are well enough to play video games, you are well enough to help out around the house, open your own mail (wtf), get your own water and make your own food. This is not a “man cold”, it’s a “man plague”.
Due is a weakling. NTA
My god. What a drama baby.
I worked in a lab and we would do outpatient draws. Your husband is a freaking wuss. He really needs to get over himself.
Every person I drew blood from that had some kind of reaction was male. And people think women are the weaker sex.
You have an issue? Tell the phlebotomist and they’ll make sure you’re good after the draw and then go about your day. If two vials is enough to make your husband go all dizzy and weak then he’s either a) psyched himself out (this is the reason) or b) he has some horrible disease. My last blood draw was 7 vials. And think of folks that donate a pint of blood at Red Cross. Almost none of those people have issues.
You’re NTA but as some one who is deathly afraid of needles I get the same way as your husband. I work myself all up and then spend the rest of the day in bed. I know I’m a big baby and don’t ask anyone to wait on me but I feel for the dude. I’m a female btw
NTA. I’m driving him right to the hospital since he says he’s DYING. Sounds like you have 4 kids. I’m just surprised this is the first time he’s had to get his blood drawn since you’ve been together. I do think you should talk to him about his behavior and how he’s feeling, because if he is truly in that much pain he should go back to the doctor. Getting your blood drawn shouldn’t have you sick for the rest of the day. If he’s just being dramatic? Well he needs to get over it. He has 3 kids and a wife to take care of too.
NTA. He got a blood draw, not a major trauma, and you already went above and beyond handling an exhausting day with kids, errands, and chores. You’re allowed to set boundaries and expect him to be a capable adult, especially since he wasn’t incapacitated. He was fine enough to play Xbox, wander around, and ask for things he could easily do himself.
Feeling a bit off after a blood draw is normal, but expecting you to wait on him hand and foot while you’re running a household and parenting is unreasonable. You don’t owe him extra pampering just because he’s uncomfortable.
2 vials? I’m laughing so hard right now (my labs are 5+ twice a year, and I once volunteered my arm for phlebotomy students)
Poor guy is probably imagining the end of the world, the big c, a week to live, checking his insurance and beneficiaries lists. He’s spun himself into an anxiety overload.
He needs to learn about the tests being run, why they’re being run, and what the norms are and get a copy of his results emailed to him. He is a partner in his own healthcare, he’s the driver, the doctor is the co-pilot and flight attendant. It’s ok to learn about this stuff, it’s exciting and interesting. The bonus is, he’s not going to drop dead from a heart attack because he ignores his health for so long that he has a panic attack over it.
I’m sorry you have to manage your man-child. I wonder if he has some memories from his childhood that are affecting his approach to his healthcare?
My literal toddler had a big surgery on her face and withstood the aftermath and healing better than your husband did. That’s wild, he’s being absolutely ridiculous.
He sounds like my nephew. Middle child. When he feels poorly, he sometimes milks it a bit, so he gets a full day of mommy’s full focus and love and attention. And he might get grumpy if he doesn’t because he feels rejected, but he’s SEVEN! Your husband, on the other hand, is an embarrassment. I don’t think I would’ve managed to stay this calm for this long. I’d have lost it wayyyy earlier – so congrats on your self control, OP!
NTA
NTA
My mister had a tech come into the hospital room and present 5 big tubes, all of which needed to be filled with blood. He tried to complain until I cheerfully offered to punch him in the nose for the required blood. The tech giggled. Drew the blood and left. My mister tried again to complain about it and I told him, “You’re making more blood right now, so what’s the issue?”
A friggen grown man, ex-Special Forces, acted like this. I mocked and jeered every time he began to whine.
This cannot be real.
NTA. This sounds psychological in nature. He has a right to expect to be supported, and it sounds like you did that. He doesn’t have a right to use his feelings to treat you poorly or hold you hostage to care for him. He should figure out how to manage himself better. And I don’t blame you for being honest with him.
Oh I’m petty enough I wouldn’t do a damn thing for him for a month. Let the house go to shit, leave his mail in the mailbox (just get yours) etc.
I tell my family Im the mom not their maid and to get yp and clean. I also will change the wifi password until chores are done then they get the new password. Ex-husband was included in that.
NTA. A standard vial holds between 1 to 8.5 milliliters. For reference, a super tampon holds ~10ml.
Before my hysterectomy, I’d need to replace a super tampon every 2-3 hours, minimum, around the clock for 5-7 days straight. I know my flow was pretty bad (hence the hysterectomy), but I also know that I wasn’t a complete outlier.
Also, if he was capable of STOMPING up the stairs, he was capable of helping with his own child for 15 minutes while you shower. I’m pretty sure you cover for him when he showers — even when you’re on your period.
NTA. every day I wake up glad that I am not married anymore. enjoy your 4 children
Imagine if the blood work comes back abnormal. If he acts like this having blood drawn what will he be like if he ever has a medical condition. This is actually made me laugh. I know it isn’t actually funny because this grown man is acting like he needs bedrest after labs but seriously?? He needs to discuss this with a therapist. I’d tell all his family and friends this story lol. Maybe next time he won’t act like this.
NTA. are you sure you can’t call the nurse back and ask for them to take more blood? like all of it?
You have 4 kids and not 3. As someone who also hates having bloodwork bc I faint and bc my veins are hard to find, to the point where they draw the blood from my hand, your husband is being worse than a child.
Does he behave like this for other things? Seems like you have a lot on your plate.
NTA. You have 4 kids, not 3. He’s acting like a limb was amputated, not just some blood.
You are way more understanding & patient than I am. His miserable baby act would annoy the crap out of me. He’s a grown man. A father of 3. Time to grow up.
Show him this post, please!
NTA he’s insufferable and stupid
I think the situation is less about the blood draw and more about how he’s treating you. He’s acting like a jerk and a mopey child while you are doing the caretaking and housework. Does he have chores around the house? Does he do equal childcare? Sounds like he doesn’t and he’s expecting to be babied? Not cool.
No way this is real 😂
I used to react badly to donating blood. Id pass out, get woozy, etc. one day a nurse looked at me funny and said, ” you know the volume of blood we are taking isn’t enough to have any symptoms, it’s all in your head.” That cured me 100%. I was dreading the physical reaction so much i was causing it. Placebo is real
NTA He needs therapy.
Wtf? A blood draw isn’t scary and stressful! You’re husband is an absolute baby! Tell him to stfu and sit down.
How do men like this even find a partner? 🤦♀️
Yet you have put up with him long enough to have 3 kids with him??? No way I would have smh
Bro what…. Please tell me you’re not seriously talking about a regular old blood test. 😬😬
I, too, had two vials of blood drawn this morning (after receiving 2 vaccinations). Since then, I’ve shopped for a birthday present, dropped off an Amazon return, and did some grocery shopping. Next, I’m doing laundry and then exercising.
He’s a big baby.
When my kid has received pre-surgery epidurals they have asked me to leave the room. I have managed to stay a couple of times, but policy is that everyone clears out because they have so many “support” people pass out or get sick. He’s not alone.
My other kid had medical PTSD for years (still does but it’s manageable). Therapy helped. EMDR helped. Empathy helped. Before that blood draws were all consuming. Really tough.
I think you are being harsh with him, but I also think he could have planned his day better. He should have picked a day that wasn’t first day of school, and you probably should have insisted on that since you know he’s like this. Maybe get him some therapy. Panic/Anxiety attacks are real, and they cause many of the symptoms you are describing.
NTA. An old coworker of mine got fired for time/attendance bc she had to stay home to take care of her sick husband and infant after a vacation. Plenty of single parents have to take care of themselves while sick and their sick kid too. Your husband is fucking weak.
he had blood drawn. it wasn’t a major medical event. What kind of example are you setting for your children? Cry and compliant over every little thing you don’t like then make people coddle you and get mad if they don’t? geez…. I’m not made for this world anymore. I’m too old.
I. Just. Can’t.
And glad I don’t have to.
Don’t remember what sub I’m in but you’re NOR and NTA.
Girl NTA he suuuuuuucks. Next time he complains just pull up a video of a baby crying and blast it loud as hell bc that’s all I hear when he talks.
Every time I read something like this, I go find my husband and hug him for not being a worthless pile. He’s learned to just accept the random hugs without question, because he’s baffled when I read him the posts.
My. God. I would die on this hill. NTA.
Honestly, you would no better than any of us because you experience vasovagal symptoms your self for a blood draw.
I have no trouble with draws or IVs, and I always watch. But one time there were two of us for draws, and the other woman was crying and shaking before hers could be done (if it ever did). So I can see how scary it is.
It’s not uncommon to think about something later from a vasovagal experience that is over. But the trauma can last a while looking back and thinking about it.
Not wishing it on him but if he winds up actually having something wrong with him? How TF is he going to cope??
NTA at all.
Needlephobia is a thing, we all know. But two vials? That’s like 10mL of blood. And it’s over. Like, I get him feeling a bit delicate afterwards, but being a child about it for the rest of the day as a 30 year old is ridiculous.
NTA
You gave birth to three children in pain, and he’s making such a fuss about a blood draw?
I don’t want to deny that he felt dizzy for a moment afterward, but it doesn’t mean he’s bedridden or incapacitated.
Don’t apologize under any circumstances, or he’ll think he’s justified in his behavior.
I kinda want to ring up and tell him in detail about my c-section and heart operation and that he needs to either get therapy or get over it.
NTA
Does this man have any redeeming qualities?
I wasn’t sure what a ‘blood draw’ is but I think it’s what is known as a blood test in the U.K.. so a minimal amount. A blood donation is apparently approximately 470 mls – just under a pint – and for that you get a cup of tea and a biscuit and a lie down for a few minutes. Your husband would need a fortnight off work if he donated blood… What a wimp.
NTA I couldn’t stay married to someone like that. That would make me lose all respect for them.
NTA, I absolutely am a baby about getting my blood drawn. I often pass out. I would never act a fool like that though. Your husband needs to grow up. After it’s over I am fine.
Men are children! But maybe he’s anemic? But also women have 30 blood draws per pregnancy (not accurate) it’s crazy that a man can act like that 🤣
He’s milking it. And it’s very unattractive.
Ickkkkkkk.
NTA. I was the kid who had to be restrained for anything having to do with needles until I was at least 12 and even now I warn medical staff that I’m a weenie when it comes to needles and have to look away. Your husband is being the biggest of babies and it sounds super unattractive.
NTA…I don’t even have words for how manipulative that is.
I have a lot of health problems and pass out with every blood draw. I get them done at least once a year, so that is about 20 times in my life, plus 6 major surgeries. I have never accepted a ride to or from any of my procedures. At the most I’ll take an uber if it is required by my doctor. I would be humiliated to require physical and emotional help you describe, for any reason, because I’m an adult and I take pride in others being able to rely on me and not the other way around. But I’m a woman so I’m sure that factors in.
Ew. How do you sleep with him?
This was a great laugh.
Really?!? An adult freaking out about a blood draw?!? When you have given birth to three kids?!?
I’m embarrassed for them. Wow. Just… wow…
Aw poor baby uwu sad poor little meow meow. So heartless of you how dare you etc etc /s
NTA. Hate it when grown adults act like that and especially grown men who act like that and expect women in their lives (who oftentimes have been thru far worse pain than men) to take care of them when they’d be perfectly capable of taking care of themselves
I did a drug trial where they took between 5 and 7 vials of blood every 4 weeks for a year and a half. Your husband is ridiculous and you are NTA.
My husband has some man cold energy, but never to the point that he’s an undue burden. Mostly just sleeps a lot and asks me to get him something while I’m up. Also worries himself to death about me because I’m active and productive in the face of mild health issues 🤣. NTA. He’s being a drama queen and resents that you asked literally anything of him.
My husband will pass out at the sight of a needle and a blood draw. Doesn’t matter whose it is. He can bounce back after an hour.
You have a man child.
My husband is terrified of needles. He gets bloodwork done every year. He just doesn’t look and he’s fine afterwards. I’ve never known him to act sick just from a little bit of bloodwork. I get my blood drawn randomly as I have health issues they’ve taken a lot from me at once and I barely got dizzy or felt sick. NTA.
Could you imagine if a crybaby like that got drafted? Just no. He’s a grown man. This is pitiful. He needs to see a therapist.
NTA. He’s a giant baby.
Congratulations on your 30+ year old, Mom!!!!
Could only read first paragraph or two. Sheesh. I get blood draws every 4 months, have diabetes. Give myself shots in belly weekly, so does hubby. And no, 2 tubes of blood doesnt cause all that nonsense. That man-child needs to grow up.
he worked himself up into a panic attack.
NTA has your husband ever talked to a counselor or therapist? Seems like his reaction post blood draw was an anxiety attack. Even leading up to it sounds like anxiety, which can be treated. Anxiety is a hard one, because men don’t like being perceived as being “soft” but tons of them suffer from anxiety.
My suggestion, approach with an empathetic stance. Say you noticed, and that this can be helped. He needs help, or ways to calm himself down after. There are also natural supplements or go to the route of prescription meds. You need him to open up why he has anxiety related to this, there’s usually a reason.
Also, men hate opening up, because usually they are beat down when they show emotions. Even the comments here are calling him a baby. It’s anxiety and it’s treatable. That’s how you have to talk to him. That you understand, do not attack him because he will never want to open up again.
This is a completely emotional reaction. We would say, regarding queasy male patients, the bigger they come, the harder they fall. Do not worry that his symptoms are the result of anything like taking “too much blood.”
You can help by handing him a favorite drink as soon as he is done: water, Gatorade, or a favorite soda that he’s usually not allowed to have. Say, “Well I’m glad that’s over with!” Then have him take you out to lunch. You can drive. He can drive home. And you’re done!
NTA – If he can play Xbox, he’s fine.
WTF did I just read? A grown man had blood drawn and is acting like he had a limb removed?
He ought to be embarrassed, acting like that! I hate having blood drawn and try to avoid it, and I definitely tell them I’m a giant wuss but once it’s done, thats it. Why on earth is he acting like that for hours??
No joke, he needs to see a doctor and maybe get medication if he has anxiety this bad. How is he going to handle it if he REALLY gets sick at some point?
Tell him to get his shit together, he’s acting like an asshole.
NTA
When you’re parent you need to suck it up (him, not you). Feeling a little unwell isn’t an excuse to completely stop helping. It feels like your husband saw his chance to essentially take a day off from life and took it at your expense
NTA and tell your husband to grow tf up
Want me to send my husband over to have a chat with him? He went through open heart surgery and, while it was a HUGE DEAL, really barely fussed at all. (Yes, I did take care of him!)
So I take it this means he won’t be able to be strong and supportive to his children when they eventually need their blood drawn? Another task for mom to do I guess.
NTA, as others have said…he needs to grow up
Lab staff here. I’m sure others have mentioned, but two vials of blood is a very small volume, no more than 10 mL, or 3.4 oz. It’s the volume of a travel size shampoo bottle. Definitely not enough to make you dizzy, weak, etc. If he’s an average sized dude he’s got about 12 PINTS of blood in his body. He’s fucking fine. He’s just milking this. Tell him to nut up or shut up.
Is this text for real??
What an absolute w@nker your husband is.
You know a blood draw is scary. Really? Because I don’t. What about it makes it scary? When vacuum tube vials were a new thing I had a nurse mess up, basically the needle was in and spraying blood out like a fountain. That was messy and annoying because she screamed and ran but even that wasn’t actually scary. No risk of amputation without anesthesia. No possibility of stitches or scar. Even the potential for fainting isn’t scary, as you well know. You stay safely seated and the nurse or phlebotomist assists you as needed.
This is such a a First World Problem that it sets a record. My kids (all grown) insist I’m not supposed to say this but your husband is a pussy. He needs to dig deep down and find a clue, even if he needs to buy one. His pussification is emasculating and it kills all the sexy. You are a mother. You are not his mother. If he expects you to kiss his booboo and put a cartoon bandaid on his pin dot he needs to realize your sex life is over. You do not have creepy kinks or age inappropriate fantasies. You have fantasies about having sex with an adult male. His playacting child expecting you to play the role of Mommy will be a marriage destroyer. If he cannot move past this on his own, he needs a competent therapist.
When you wrote, “All while I was trying to corral an overtired 3 year old to eat and get ready for a nap”, I absolutely thought you were referring to your husband.
Sorry if I had birthed three children and my husband acted this way over a blood draw, I would literally get him a hotel for the evening so I didn’t have to hear it LOL
NTA – do your kids get to play the xbox when they’re sick and have to stay home? If he’s going to behave like a child and want pampering, then he should get treated like one.
Get in bed, go to sleep, I’ll bring broth and water in after you’ve had a nap. Then, back to bed for you… no sex because you’re just too ill and need to save your energy for healing.
Go to his next doctor’s appointment and let the doctor know you’re worried about a possible blood disorder. He stated he was feeling faint after a small blood draw and was unable to safely drive home. Its a real concern you believe he should be tested for in case eit has bigger implications. It could also answer why he felt fine to play xbox with a “dying” cold, but couldn’t care for your children. Perhaps there is something much larger going on and you have real concerns for his long-term health.
— since he needs pampering, its only in his best interest you discuss what you experienced with his doctor… because you love him and are very, very concerned about his health.
All I needed to read was the title to know – NTA!
This is going to sound like I’m defending him, but I’m not.
His reaction may have been the release of all that anxiety he had built up. That can have real, physical symptoms that feel awful.
However. That does not excuse going into supersulk self-pity mode.
It sounds like he does not have a lot of self-awareness about his anxiety and its physical effects. That might be something you can provide resources on.
You sound like a very matter-of-fact person who is married to someone more emotional and less resilient. That’s tough. But NTA.
You married a drama queen. NTA
How can you tolerate shagging him?
I would have lost every bit of attraction, respect, affection and compassion for a man like that.
NTA
Wow. I have a short list of medical issues and have to get my labs done regularly. Every 3-4 months. So about 4 times a year, or more if there is something new.
On average, I get 3 vials of blood but it goes up to 8 or 7 depending on the flavor of the month. I have never felt lightheaded after a blood draw. You’re not donating blood…
So a grown man didn’t hydrate properly before or after the appointment. Spent the day beforehand stressed out and ruminating on it. Put himself into a state of emotional shock. Guessing no electrolytes either. Then left the appointment without calming himself down. And finally, had a breakdown in his car when his nervous system calmed down enough to do so “safely”.
No idea how old you guys are but with 3 kids I feel a little disgusted at his immature behavior. Doesn’t sound like a post-apocalyptic survival partner to me.
Friend of mine had a husband that behaved like this. Wanna know what happened?
She got breast cancer and he left her – said the stress of her having cancer was too much for him.
NTA.
Wow. And I thought man flu was bad!
I had 15 vials taken in one go and was just fine.
Seriously, does your husband always make everything, including his kids’ first day of school, all about him?
NTA
My daughter used to have regular blood draws. It was such a hassle getting her out of the car, into the hospital, and she fought the phlebotomist. But one phlebotomist was a really sweet, cute guy. She handed over her arm like it was on a silver platter. From then on, I asked specifically for him, and he even began coming out to the car to draw her blood, she always happily gave him her arm, and told him she loved him.
There’s a huge difference in the skill of one phlebotomist to another. Some leave awful bruises, and with others you can’t tell there was a blood draw. Also helps if they are adorable.
NTA this is just ridiculous. And I’m saying this as someone who’ll lose consciousness every time they get poked by a needle.
I know what will happen and that I’ll feel like shit for the rest of the day, so I do everything I can beforehand and plan like crazy. Easiest would have been for him to take 3 year old and get them to bed, lie next to them and read. End of story, mum can take a shower, kid is content and dad doesn’t have to move around much, so he’s not getting dizzy.
What?
This isn’t a man, it’s another child.
There’s a term for this…..you got yourself a baby bitch boy. How is he when he has a cold?
NTA. Your husband sounds needy and exhausting. I have a lot of friends, all in our 30s, and we would relentlessly make fun of anyone who acted remotely like this, and we would be real mean at hearing how they treated their spouse.
NTA. I say this as someone with a pathological fear of needles, he needs to grow up. When I have a blood draw I let them know, I have to lay down, and I have TERRIBLE veins so the needle has to go in my hand. I have passed out from the anxiety more than once. I get it. Trust me.
But after the draw, even the most brutal ones, I go on with my day. I do chores. I go to my job. I live. Because as much as it sucked, it’s over and I don’t have the time or ability to wallow.
Dude your husband is kind of a loser.
I have my blood taken all the time, it’s not a big deal and doesn’t affect your body at all, I just go about my day.
There is no way he got dizzy from a general blood draw, it’s such a small amount it doesn’t affect you.
NTA!
I bleed like that 4 times a year, once every quarter! I prick my fingers 2, 3 times a day, inject insulin once a day. Poor baby! Suck it up, stupid!!
NTA
Oh what a man baby. NTA
Next time you have lab work done, pester him and mope about like he did, and see how he likes it. As far as medical “procedures” go, a blood draw is one of the most basic. Tell him that he’s lucky they find his veins easily and that they don’t have to dig around or poke him several times. I have deep rolling veins, so it’s actually rare that they’re not digging around in my arm. I’m used to it by now, but it still icks me out…I just get some chocolate and a soda, and it snaps me back in no time. OP you are most definitely NTA.
NTA. Insufferable behavior on his part. I hate needles but still regularly get blood draws because of various medical issues, it’s literally fine. Does he act like this with other stuff too? Making huge deals out of literally nothing?
NTA. I had to have blood drawn last week. The nurse filled EIGHT vials with my blood, six of which were large and filled to the top. I was just told to be sure to eat a meal beforehand since they were taking so much blood — which I did. I was completely fine and carried on with my day as usual. Your husband is being a big baby.
2 vials?? That means he lost 20ml of blood, at MOST.
20ml.
Let me repeat that. Twenty. Millilitres. Maximum.
Most likely it’s 7-10ml.
Your husband lost, at most, 4 teaspoons of blood.
I will not pass a moral judgement, because I work as a nurse, and I fear I’d use indecent language.
I will, however, say that birth control would no longer be necessary if I were his wife, because that is absolutely unfuckeable behaviour.
Godspeed, love. Hope you and the kids are doing well.
I don’t think the men are lonely enough. Sorry you have to deal with being a single mom of 4 by yourself
You need to show him these comments where people have had multiple vials (and no, sir, TWO isn’t really considered multiple!) and didn’t die! I had bariatric surgery in 2019 and every year I have blood drawn. Something like 17 vials. No, really. And I have veins that can be tough to stick (and need the smallest butterfly possible – I think they use a kids’ sized? Maybe not. But I know it’s small!). And still…I didn’t die.
Obviously there’s something more going on here. Is he jealous of the time you spend with the kids? Needing more attention for whatever reason? Not that these are acceptable reasons to act the way he is. But I would say the blood draw is a symptom, not the cause….
⭐️laughs in chronic illness⭐️
Your husband is a baby. Actually, my babies were better about having to get medical pokes.
You have 4 children. NTA.
I have a vasovagal response too. Sometimes watching someone get a needle to the arm is too much for me and it makes me nauseated. I still get the tests and shots done because they need to be done.
Let me be clear: You have NOTHING to apologize for. This situation calls for the exact opposite–he should be apologizing to YOU. I don’t know how people put up with partners this disgustingly lazy.
NTA
I am a trans man with generalized anxiety disorder and have been in a long term relationship for 9 years and we are planning on getting married (this is all relevant I promise)
When I was younger, I HATED needles. I was so afraid of them it was almost funny. TBH, I still don’t love them.
I always behaved for my shots, even though I was very afraid, and usually crying, I knew getting vaccinated was important. Fast forward to me turning 20 and getting on Testosterone. I did NOT want to have to do injections. I didn’t think I could, I was still very afraid of needles, but we went through the options and a weekly injection with a small needle was the best choice for me. I don’t regret it. It has gotten much easier since I’ve been in T for a few years now, but I would be lying if I said I don’t still get a little nervous having to inject myself.
I’ve also had MANY blood draws and gods I hate them. Veins freak me out, they don’t hurt but are VERY uncomfortable, I’ve gotten comfortable being the one holding the sharp object, it’s just a bad time for me. However!!! I have strategies!
The night before and morning of I do lots of calming exercises and try to keep things chill. MOST IMPORTANTLY; when I do the blood draw I tell them it freaks me out and ask if I can just look away and scroll on my phone. I usually pull up Pinterest and just mindlessly scroll the pictures because it’s stimulating enough to my brain to get it over with. I’ve never once gotten shit for it. If he TRULY feels that bad after a blood draw, he has to drink waaayyyy more water. I had a blood draw go wrong once because I was very dehydrated, like hadn’t drank any water in 12 hours (long story) and I felt AWFUL, I had to reschedule. But once I got home, ate some food and drank lots of water? I was fine. Completely.
On the note of him giving you sass for asking him to help with HIS children: that is unacceptable from a partner. Me and my partner don’t want kids, and the intense devotion of time, labor, emotions and general life changes kids require isn’t something we can do. He wanted the kids too. Even if he’s feeling kind of shitty, he has to take care of them. You deserve to shower!! You just took care of them all day!! It’s not comparable but I have a senior dog and sometimes she needs help up the stairs and stuff. Even if I feel kind of gross, she still needs me. I take care of her. I’m careful about not over exerting myself, but it’s more complicated.
Sorry for the long read.
TLDR;
NTA I also really hate needles and blood draws, but there’s ways through it that aren’t being a jerk. And he’s a lousy partner if he lets that get in the way of caring for his own children.
What a fkn wuss! 🙄
I certainly would never put up with that bullshit.
Jesus Christ he gave 2 vials, he didn’t bleed out.
A couple vials for a standard blood draw is about 5 ml. There are around 5 liters of blood in your body. They took 1/1000 and he cannot function? I understand hating needles but really? I think the typical period is 7 times that.
Your baby man child is exhausting. I go every three months and have five vials taken. Is it pleasant? Depends on the tech. Fortunately I’ve found a small lab where they’re all good enough to be relatively painless. But do I watch? Nope. I find it kinda creepy. Your husband is behaving as if it’s the end of the world and it’s so very much not.
What’s going to happen if baby man child is diagnosed with type II diabetes? You don’t have to be overweight to develop it. That’s why I get draws every three months, to measure kidney, liver, and pancreatic function as well as cholesterol, various vitamins and minerals. Every. Three. Months. And then I’ve got to give myself a minimum of four injections a day. I’m an adult. No one does them for me nor should they. Is he going to expect you to give him insulin? (I’d tell him no on that one right now.)
What if he develops some form of cancer? There will be a lot of blood draws, even in remission. Depending on the kind, is he planning to spend all his time being a giant child man baby? Some types of cancer does mean a lot of time in bed and asleep. Others don’t. If he’s got one that doesn’t, is he going to abdicate his responsibility as a grown up? Will you have to hold his hand 24/7 and neglect the kids because he can’t act like an adult?
You’re NTA. If your husband is enough of a grown up to make babies he’s enough of grown up to get his ass out of bed and act like the millions of other people who get blood draws every day and continue on with his day with the caveat of no heavy equipment. A baby monitor – unless it’s drastically changed – is not heavy equipment.
I’m an RN, I’ve had people pass out during/after drawing their blood. Its largely involuntary.
However, 4 hours later and acting like he can’t help out? Drama.
I have regular blood draws for past 10 years. At times when my bloods are not in range, I have them every 2 weeks. Your husband is a drama queen. I vial is nothing, approx 1 teaspoon. I would be really angry at him.
They took 2 vials and he had to take a day off work cause he was so dizzy? What a pansy ass. I’m terrified of needles too, but c’mon. 2 vials is nothing. NTA. You have 4 kids, not 3.
What a big kitty kitty kitty!
Omg. He is being a big baby!!!
NTA
I regularly pass out with blood draws. It’s just how my body has decided to behave regardless of the amount. Guess what? I still don’t pull this nonsense!
NTA TBH I couldn’t finish reading it. I’d have flipped at husband 2 vials of blood that man is dramatic af
i absolutely cannot stand getting anything done IV, just something about the concept skeeves me out to no end. I would genuinely rather get a new round of vaccines than have titers run, a chest x ray over a quant, etc.
My girlfriend has ESRD, so i dont make it her issue that I’m a baby about this shit…because she has bigger things to deal with.
Do with that what you will
Tell him to grow up and stop taking advantage of you. Does he have a baby kink?
I had 3 vials drawn today. Can you come pamper me too 🤣 jk. Tell him to man up. Literally. These are small ass needles. I’m presuming he’s had flu shot? That’s worse. If he has that much anxiety /light headed over blood draw then maybe he needs a Xanax and/or to drink excessive water before hand.
I worked in pediatric oncology. These kids get blood drawn, bone marrow drawn, iv’s, scans, biopsies where they take a small amount of the tumor and they are so amazing about it. The parents are usually so much worse. The op needs to slap some sense into this man baby. He’s disgusting.
Lol he is simply pathetic
NTA!!!
You have 4 kids. Jfc
NTA. This sounds so crazy. And I’m someone who hates going to the doctor. I had some symptoms once that I knew were worrying (and did indeed turn out to be) and I still waited a month to call a doctor! So I understand that fear. And the fear of pain. And how I’ve reacted to some procedures.
But blood draws are nothing. I used to get allergy shots as a kid and I hated them, but now I’m proud of myself for going thru blood draws and shots just fine. And, as when I was a kid, I treat myself afterwards, getting a coffee instead of a sucker as I might have when I was a child. I know people react differently to things, but I gotta say he sounds like he’s going really over the top.
Your husband is who he is, he isn’t going to change and things won’t get better.
You have 4 kids, just one goes to work instead of school.
I’m sorry OP but his attitude is unacceptable. I get the feeling you’ve had to walk on egg shells because he doesn’t like any “criticisms”, or accountability as we adults call it.
I have to ask why you are with him? What does he bring to the relationship and family besides a paycheck?
My dad was like this. He was jealous of any attention us kids got from mom. He was of the mind that husband comes first, then his family, then wife, then kids.
You have nothing to apologize for. Why? Because you didn’t coddle a grown ass man when he was okay and able to play video games? Girl, sorry but the things you both are modeling for your kids is sad. They will grow up thinking that men act like literal children and women should put up with it and take responsibility for the men’s feelings, even when they are insane.
I think the silent treatment – which is abuse by the way – is preferable to having to talk with such a baby.
I could never see him the same again. My husband has a negative pain tolerance and doesn’t even act like this. He was passing a kidney stone and was apologizing to me for being in pain and saying thank you to me for being there with him.
It’s not that I lack empathy for people who can’t tolerate a blood draw, I can’t either. My usual team will have a juice box and animal crackers waiting for me when they see I’m on the list for a blood draw and they even just have me lay down preemptively lol. I have a fear that I will bleed to death due to PTSD from watching my little brother almost bleed to death. (a whole other story).
Put you and your kids first. Really examine this marriage and what you want from life. It won’t get better. Don’t wait till the kids are out of the house to finally see you deserve more.
I hope he wakes up and is the unicorn who will accept marriage counseling, does the work and changes. I truly do. I don’t think that will be the case though.
NTA. OP, you have four kids, not three. Get that manchild into therapy so he can work out whatever issues he has that makes him think a blood draw four hours ago means he’s too weak and sickly to eat his own food and open his own mail, but not so much that he can’t play video games all day and ignore his duty as a parent