Throwaway and fake name because my family uses reddit.
I (26F) have been with my boyfriend, Mark (28M), for 4 years. We’re super private people. Like, we barely even post couple pics on Instagram. He’s the best, super shy but the most thoughtful guy ever.
He proposed last weekend. It was perfect. We were on a hike, just the two of us, at our favorite spot at sunset. No big crowd, no cameras, just us. It was so us. I of course said yes!!
We called our parents and closest friends right after to tell them the news. Everyone was so happy. My sister, Jess (29F), was especially excited and asked for all the details. I told her how simple and private it was and that I loved that there was no pressure, just us in the moment.
On yesterday. I’m scrolling through Facebook and I see my sister has posted a video. The caption is “MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED!!! CONGRATS TO THE FUTURE MR & MRS! 🥳💍
My stomach just dropped. It was a video of the proposal. Mark had apparently set up his phone on a rock to secretly record it, which I never even noticed. He told me later he did it so we could have the memory just for us, to watch on anniversaries and stuff. He sent the video to our immediate family group chat the night we got engaged, saying “For family only, please don’t share.”
Well, Jess took that video, set it to some cheesy romantic music, and posted it for all 800 of her friends, his family, our family, and all our coworkers to see. The comments were already flooded with “OMG!” and “So beautiful!” from people I wouldn’t even have told for weeks.
I was furious. I immediately called her and yelled at her. I asked her what the hell she was thinking and told her she stole a super private moment from us. She started crying and said she was just “so happy” and “wanted to share the joy” and that I was being a bridezilla already by not letting people celebrate us.
Now my mom is calling me, saying I was too harsh on Jess and that she meant well, and that I should just be happy people are excited. But Mark is really upset too, he feels like his one condition (keeping it private) was completely ignored. Our private moment is now public property.
I feel like maybe I’m the asshole because I did crush her excitement and she was just trying to be nice. But also it wasn’t hers to share??
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Throwaway and fake name because my family uses reddit.
I (26F) have been with my boyfriend, Mark (28M), for 4 years. We’re super private people. Like, we barely even post couple pics on Instagram. He’s the best, super shy but the most thoughtful guy ever.
He proposed last weekend. It was perfect. We were on a hike, just the two of us, at our favorite spot at sunset. No big crowd, no cameras, just us. It was so us. I of course said yes!!
We called our parents and closest friends right after to tell them the news. Everyone was so happy. My sister, Jess (29F), was especially excited and asked for all the details. I told her how simple and private it was and that I loved that there was no pressure, just us in the moment.
On yesterday. I’m scrolling through Facebook and I see my sister has posted a video. The caption is “MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED!!! CONGRATS TO THE FUTURE MR & MRS! 🥳💍
My stomach just dropped. It was a video of the proposal. Mark had apparently set up his phone on a rock to secretly record it, which I never even noticed. He told me later he did it so we could have the memory just for us, to watch on anniversaries and stuff. He sent the video to our immediate family group chat the night we got engaged, saying “For family only, please don’t share.”
Well, Jess took that video, set it to some cheesy romantic music, and posted it for all 800 of her friends, his family, our family, and all our coworkers to see. The comments were already flooded with “OMG!” and “So beautiful!” from people I wouldn’t even have told for weeks.
I was furious. I immediately called her and yelled at her. I asked her what the hell she was thinking and told her she stole a super private moment from us. She started crying and said she was just “so happy” and “wanted to share the joy” and that I was being a bridezilla already by not letting people celebrate us.
Now my mom is calling me, saying I was too harsh on Jess and that she meant well, and that I should just be happy people are excited. But Mark is really upset too, he feels like his one condition (keeping it private) was completely ignored. Our private moment is now public property.
I feel like maybe I’m the asshole because I did crush her excitement and she was just trying to be nice. But also it wasn’t hers to share??
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I yelled at my sister and crushed her excitement instead of just calmly asking her to take the video down first. She was genuinely happy for me, and my outburst might have been an overreaction
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. He set the boundary, she completely ignored it and kind of made it about herself. I mean, she posted it to her account and got the traffic/comments. And probably had the thought that “I’m the big sister so I can do this” mentality.
She wasn’t ‘trying to be nice’. She wasn’t ‘trying to share her excitement’. She was trying to take a moment from you. She shared the PRIVATE video she was asked not to share to get likes/social media exposure for herself.
If she just wanted to share her excitement, then the video would have been her chattering about how excited she was for her sister. The fact that she shared a video that YOU hadn’t shared publicly and that she had been asked not to share is the key issue.
NTA.
Nta, my mum did something sort of similar, she shared my baby’s name on social media before we even told our son’s godfather we were naming him after him. I was mortified. It’s not up to others to share your special momentsÂ
NTA. She took your beautiful private moment and made it about her by posting on FB. Especially since your fiance said not to share the video. Congrats to you and I’d probably not share wedding details with your sis.Â
NTA, and the sister sucks. She knew you guys wouldn’t like that since your bf directly asked her not to share it. She broke your trust and disrupted what should’ve been a very happy time for you guys, just for attention and likes.
My husband’s best friend did something somewhat similar — he shared our proposal video (which my husband had asked him to take) on Facebook basically as soon as it happened. So that night I had to deal with all of that and put time into making my own post so that I could try to somewhat own the story that came out, instead of just spending that time being happy with my now-husband and sharing it publicly a few days later. I was definitely hurt by that action and its effects, even though I’m sure he didn’t mean to do anything wrong.
But OP’s sister knew what she was doing was wrong.
NTA, however I hope you and your fiancee will get over the anger and see this for what it is as family member who loves you, is proud of you, and wants to celebrate your lives. You and your fiancee do have a right to keep things private, but that also means that you were the gatekeepers of that video in the first place. I think you should have shown your closest family the video directly and not in a way that they could save copies for themselves. It’s not your fault, but there are steps you could have taken to prevent an overzealous, but probably well-meaning sister from expressing her love for you both in such an embarrassing way that betrayed your trust.
NTA. She was excited to make the moment about herself for attention, not because you got engaged. You guys set a clear boundary that she blatantly disregarded. Mom is dumb for enabling her behavior.
NTA. But moral of the story is sister shouldn’t be included for sensitive material and information. Basically just keep her on a massive info diet moving forward. Like if you get pregnant do not tell her until you make a post or it becomes common information. I’d say just be super clear on don’t share but that was already done and she failed so next step is keep her arms length with info you don’t want getting out.
NTA. I would leave a comment on her video saying “I am extremely disappointed in you, we sent this video to the family with explicit instructions we did not want it shared and wanted it to be a private moment, and you immediately posted it for attention. Shame on you.”
Watch how quickly that post disappears.
NTA. Did she take it down? If not she should take it down immediately. She violated your fiancé’s trust and owes him an apology. Your sister needs to learn that not everyone is comfortable with sharing and she needs to ask permission before sharing other people’s stories. I say this even though I personally think that if you share nothing and tightly control how you dole out information you also make it hard to connect and build your community. And community is super important. But although I think something like an engagement is exactly what social media is for, your sister was still totally wrong to post it at all, and given that it came with a request to keep private that’s so much worse. Honestly I would suggest to your mom that if she is saying that it’s nbd to share photos or video that were asked to  stay private then you can’t see how you can feel comfortable sharing with her again in a way that can be passed on. I would think carefully about your wedding and how you feel about photos being shared. I certainly wouldn’t share anything with your sister that you would not want to end up on socials.Â
You should apologize for losing your temper (verbal abuse is a terrible way to make your point) but you weren’t wrong.
At least it wasn’t a photo of you giving birth lol. Sorry this happened and I hope your loved ones come around.
>We’re super private people.
>Mark had apparently set up his phone on a rock to secretly record it, which I never even noticed. He told me later he did it so we could have the memory just for us, to watch on anniversaries and stuff. He sent the video to our immediate family group chat the night we got engaged, saying “For family only, please don’t share.”
Turns out you’re not “super private people.”
Kind of a weird thing to say when your fiancĂ© both took (without your knowledge) and shared a video. Seems like you should also be a bit upset with him, yes? If you want to keep something private, basic logic says you don’t share it with others.
Like he said this
>memory just for us,Â
and immediately shared it with other people.
>she stole a super private moment from us.
Your fiancé actually sent it to her of his own free will.
>Our private moment is now public property.
This is why truly private people don’t send videos of a “private moment” “just for us” to a bunch of other people. She sucks for not listening, he sucks for sharing something private, you and he suck for clearly having never discussed what “privacy” means to you as a couple.
ESH.
NTA since it’s not her business to he sharing your special moments. Sounds like she wanted to make it about her when it’s suppose to ge about you.
NTA – your partner says “please don’t share” and she ignores him.Â
It doesn’t matter if it came from a good place, it’s still boundary stomping.
NTA at all. You and your fiancée were both polite, yet explicit to everyone about keeping things hush hush. Did your sister admit that she saw your fiancée’s ’family only’ text message or does she deny knowing that it was a secret? At the end of the day, it sounds like your sister wanted some sort of spotlight in all this — one of which is supposed to be you and your fiancée’s!
She was told “do not share” and chose to very publicly share anyway. If she’s upset her actions caused upset and hurt feelings she only has herself to blame. She’s 29 not 9, if she doesn’t have proper impulse control that is an issue she needs to work on with a professional. Your mom is equally an AH for coddling her clearly shitty behavior.
Nta.
NTA. You should call your mom and explain that you understand where she’s coming from — and that’s why the information starvation diet that you’re putting your sister on will necessarily apply to your whole family. You won’t be sharing ANY information with any of them that you don’t want shared with the general public.
NTA. She was told not to post it, then she did.
I don’t believe you, just because I don’t believe that your fiance filmed this scene without your knowledge or consent and shared the video without you even knowing it existed. Why on earth would he share it with your family before you’ve even seen it or heard about it?
Anyway. cool story.
NTA. She had clear instructions she chose to violate.
NTA.
Your partner messed up when he shared that video that was supposed to be private. I get he wanted to save this moment, but sharing it with “close family” wasn’t the best move here.
Why do i believe her sister gives me those awkward vibes of someone being so annoying af? She, of course, didn’t have to, and let me tell you this: consequences for bad choices made with an emotional approach instead of being logical has zero justificable excuses. She messed up and know all China knows you’re here to marry him.
I’d not invite her to the wedding as a punishment.
Of course you’re NTA. It’s a weird thing in our culture that the victim/person who was wronged is expected to manage and regulate the emotions of the person who wronged them. Nope. Lesson learned, no more sharing private information with family.
NTA. She took a moment that was just for you and made it something she could get attention from.
NTA – a lot of “people pleasers” find it easier to blame the soft person who is wronged than the volatile person who did the wrong thing
NTA she completely ignored your fiance’s direct request.