okay so, for context I am the oldest of 5. 2 brothers, two sisters. I am 17M. in February, my youngest brother (toddler) moved into my room with me (I have a 12M brother he should’ve moved in with) that’s another story, anyway in order to get him to bed, him and i would watch TV in his bed together (he’s a cuddle to fall asleep kind of baby) and I’d have him to bed usually before 11:00 every night. during the summer, occasionally my mother would take him out for my room to sleep in hers for my sanity.
this was nice initially, but it became recurring and eventually it got to the point to where after months of sleeping in my room, he got adjusted to going back to his moms room. this isn’t even where it gets bad. She then introduces a tablet at bedtime, which again, initially was not an issue, he was distracted at night and it gave me some peaceful time to play video games. but again, it became a consistent nightly routine, and he got used to it. now he wouldnt go to bed without it, and occasionally would cry to go to his moms room. MIND YOU, he didn’t do this when he got adjusted to sleeping in my room. he now gets away with going downstairs several times a night for whatever fathomable thing ( chocolate, food, milk, etc) which he does not need he is well fed and only needs to come upstairs with water.
he screams to get out of my room every night, wrestles me to leave my room, cries over anything, and the worst part is, I am to blame according to my mother. I try to watch his tablet (THAT I DONT WANT HIM HAVING AT BEDTIME) with him, I try and watch TV with him, I try and play with him for a little to get him tired, ANYTHING to get him to settle, but it is now just constant running to leave my room and scream and cry. I think this is a case of unregulated tablet use, along with excess sugar, but Obviously since I know nothing according to my mother this is simply my fault.
She says that if we don’t get along, I am going to lose my phone for a week, (I am 15 years older than him) and that she needs to work in the morning, but simply if she hadn’t gotten him adjusted to doing whatever he wanted, or caved in and gave him a tablet, chocolate, or food or even being allowed to come down for that matter, this wouldn’t be an issue.
I don’t understand how this is my fault and my hands are tied. am I the asshole? is there something I don’t know or can do differently? how do I respond to her about it in a way that she could understand without coming off as rude that THIS dilemma wasn’t caused by me or my lack of bothering? Please help. thank you
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okay so, for context I am the oldest of 5. 2 brothers, two sisters. I am 17M. in February, my youngest brother (toddler) moved into my room with me (I have a 12M brother he should’ve moved in with) that’s another story, anyway in order to get him to bed, him and i would watch TV in his bed together (he’s a cuddle to fall asleep kind of baby) and I’d have him to bed usually before 11:00 every night. during the summer, occasionally my mother would take him out for my room to sleep in hers for my sanity. this was nice initially, but it became recurring and eventually it got to the point to where after months of sleeping in my room, he got adjusted to going back to his moms room. this isn’t even where it gets bad. She then introduces a tablet at bedtime, which again, initially was not an issue, he was distracted at night and it gave me some peaceful time to play video games. but again, it became a consistent nightly routine, and he got used to it. now he wouldnt go to bed without it, and occasionally would cry to go to his moms room. MIND YOU, he didn’t do this when he got adjusted to sleeping in my room. he now gets away with going downstairs several times a night for whatever fathomable thing ( chocolate, food, milk, etc) which he does not need he is well fed and only needs to come upstairs with water. he screams to get out of my room every night, wrestles me to leave my room, cries over anything, and the worst part is, I am to blame according to my mother. I try to watch his tablet (THAT I DONT WANT HIM HAVING AT BEDTIME) with him, I try and watch TV with him, I try and play with him for a little to get him tired, ANYTHING to get him to settle, but it is now just constant running to leave my room and scream and cry. I think this is a case of unregulated tablet use, along with excess sugar, but Obviously since I know nothing according to my mother this is simply my fault. She says that if we don’t get along, I am going to lose my phone for a week, (I am 15 years older than him) and that she needs to work in the morning, but simply if she hadn’t gotten him adjusted to doing whatever he wanted, or caved in and gave him a tablet, chocolate, or food or even being allowed to come down for that matter, this wouldn’t be an issue. I don’t understand how this is my fault and my hands are tied. am I the asshole? is there something I don’t know or can do differently? how do I respond to her about it in a way that she could understand without coming off as rude that THIS dilemma wasn’t caused by me or my lack of bothering? Please help. thank you
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NTA but you’re definitely a free childcare worker atp
Missing some context but this seems like you’re expected to be an extra parent and problem solve things your mom won’t.
Ugh I’m sorry. This is what happens when parents have more kids than they can handle and they pawn the youngest off on the oldest. You did not sign up to parent your sibling. You are 17, you deserve your own space. Your mom needs to start being a parent. NTA
NTA
I’m going to be extremely frank with you and I don’t do so out of a desire to be insulting.
Your brother is behaving in a way that’s appropriate for his development – he’s a toddler, he’s starting to assert his independence and have a mind of his own. That mind isn’t informed by the realities of the world around him yet so it’s not reasonable.
All that is to say this is an issue that needs to be dealt with by a parent, not a 17 year old. You are his brother, not his father. That isn’t to say that you can’t deal with it but it isn’t right for your mother to offload parenting to you.
It’s a complicated situation because it sounds like this has developed because she has to work and that has necessitated you pitching in to help. Helping is great, it’s what a family does, but within that family there are things that need to be addressed by a parent.
It might be helpful to ask your mother if there is anything you can do to help give her more time to spend with your brother. Time sounds like it’s a limited commodity for her, maybe if there’s something you can do around the house that would help her she’d have more time to focus on your brother rather than just mollifying him with whatever will keep him quietest.
Op why stay in the room at bedtime? I know you shouldn’t have to leave your space,but right now you being there means your mum is offloading her job onto you.
Go down stairs and do your homework, go to your mates or go sit in your sisters room or watch a movie in the living room.
Sharing the room doesnt involve you putting him to bed.
NTA she’s parentifying you but doesn’t want you to question anything she does wrong either. you can only parent your brother in the things she doesn’t want to deal with. you have been more caring than a lot of teens at your age. do you have any ways of staying out of the house like getting a job? are you going for college soon and if so can you go to a campus where you don’t stay at home?
it’s so disappointing when minors are dealt with overly mature situations. you should have an honest conversation with your mom if possible. she is basically pushing the parenting to you while she has fun time her son.
NTA
I am positively FURIOUS with your mother for having very literally dumped her last child on her first child.
Your 2-year-old brother should not be in your room—and no one but your mother or father should be putting him to bed on a regular basis. The occasional time that you or one of your siblings are putting him to bed, you should be following whatever protocols that your parents have established and practice nightly themselves. Bedtime should look and feel the same to a child every single night, no matter who’s in charge the OCCASIONAL time when Mom or Dad can’t be.
You FOR SURE should not be struggling to undo whatever bullshit habits your parents have caused this toddler to develop.
You need to have a sitdown with your mother and tell her point-blank, “You have completely lost sight of who this child’s parents are. I’ll give you a hint: neither of them is me.”
Look up ‘parentification’ and tell us if something in the definition doesn’t sound familiar to you . . .
NTA
NTA
Mato just wack the kid and throw him out the room
sincerely,
-yk who
Ive got one thing to say. You are not his parent. Bottom line. Your mom has a job to do and its to take care and raise that child. She made the decision to have kids, not you. I know its hard but you have to draw the line there.