My biological father left when I was still a baby. He never reached out, never supported me, and never made an effort to be a part of my life. Growing up, it was always just me and my mom, and I never felt like I was missing anything. She worked hard and did everything for me, so in my mind she was both mom and dad.
Now, out of nowhere, my father is trying to come back into my life. He reached out through relatives, saying he regrets leaving and wants to build a relationship. Some of my family members are pressuring me to at least give him a chance because “he’s still your father.” But to me, he’s not. He’s just someone who abandoned me and now wants recognition he never earned.
I told them I don’t consider him my father and I don’t want to meet him. They say I’m being heartless and ungrateful because “people make mistakes.” But I can’t forgive someone who never once tried when I needed him the most.
So AITAH for refusing to acknowledge that I have a father?
Comments
NTA. Blood can only go so far, and people who say that don’t understand that sometimes, you don’t owe these people crap just because you have some of their DNA in you. Just because they love their parents doesn’t mean that you are obligated to love yours. He had his chance and he blew it. His mistake had a consequence, and this was it. Your forgiveness is not mandatory just because someone says they’re sorry.
NTA. Tell those relatives to mind their business. This is your choice.
NTA. You don’t have a father. You just have a sperm-donor who abandoned you. Now that you are presumably grown up, he wants to waltz into your life and have the perks of being a father without having put in any of the work of actually being a father. What he did wasn’t “a mistake”, it was a decision that lasted for at least 15 years (by your writing I assume you are at least 15). And you are not heartless and ungrateful – your heart doesn’t belong to this stranger, and you have nothing to be grateful to him for.
As for his flying-monkey relatives, tell them – once, and firmly – that you don’t owe this deadbeat anything and the subject is closed. And then if they continue, just distance yourself and block them.
NTA. Nobody telling you to reconsider have lived your pain. On some level, they just want everything to be “nice” again. Don’t live your life for what others want.
He doesn’t deserve a second chance. Abandoning a child is unforgivable.
Tell him you will meet him once he has paid your mother all the back child support that he owes. I promise that he will disappear quickly.
Tell them sure — all he has to do is create a Time Machine, go back in time, and be a decent father.
Being biologically his child doesn’t make him a father. He’s probably coming around now that you’re grown and he doesn’t have to support you anymore anybody that has anything to say about it needs to stay in their lane. I wouldn’t deal with him just because he wants to come around doesn’t mean he can stay and block everybody that has a problem with it. What he did wasn’t a mistake. It was a choice. He chose to walk away. He chose not to support you. He chose not to be there for you. There’s no mistake. He walked away so he wouldn’t have responsibilities now that you’re older probably grown. He doesn’t have to do all the hard work he wants all the glory, but no effort and anybody that has anything to say because he’s biologically linked to you. I would say blood doesn’t make you family. The family you make is the one you build and grow with.
NTA. He made his bed. Now he has to lay in it.
Ask those same people hat actions he took that makes him « still your father ». When they come up with zilch, tell them the expression they want to get across is he’s still your « sperm donor » and you owe him nothing! NTA obviously
NTA. You owe that man nothing.
Get his address and contact info at least, so your mother can sue him for all the back child support money he owes her.
Let’s start by paying all that years of food, clothes, school items, medical appointments, birthday cakes and gifts, …
Then he will offer you holidays, them park, sportive snd cultural activities.
Then bi-weekly therapy sessions for the next 15 years.
And then he will be at level to have the right to talk with you.
NTA
Your dad is dead. This guy is an impostor.
He is a stranger. He had the chance to be more and declined so you are free to decline getting to know him further.
If you had a blood transfusion; would you want to meet all of your donors? I wouldn’t, that’s why you don’t need to meet your sperm donor