So my husband 29M has said he is going for a coffee at some point with a female to discuss some potential work she has for him. Earlier in the year, I was doing some work locally for a male and he offered me a coffee to which I accepted. My husband had a big issue about this and it turned into an argument how unhappy he was with me having a coffee with this man (which was completely work related).
Am I in the wrong if I was to say how I am unhappy about him going for a coffee with this female? Is it not double standards?
Comments
It’s a double standard, but you both are insecure
So what if it is double standards?
There is double standards for a lot of things?
You was working for someone who offered to take you for a coffee.
Is different to meeting someone over coffee about work….
Men and women are different, we live by different rules.
YWNBYA
Its definitely a double standard.
Unfortunately, your partner seems like the jealous & controlling type.
If he flipped when you had a work coffee with a guy, but now thinks it’s totally fine for him to do the same with a woman, that’s textbook double standards. Either you both agree that work coffees are normal and fine, or you both agree not to do them. Can’t be one rule for you and another for him
You not wrong if he reacted that way when was with you. And His reaction wasn’t justified…but is acceptable he was having jealous. But even with jealous he shouldn’t reacted that way.
So resuming…Your reaction is valid by the way he reacted with same situation.
Coffee is a soft date. Ybtah
Of course it’s a double standard. Offer to go with him, or suggest that it’s coffee and cake at your place.
Because it’s the man perusing the woman 90% of the time so how is having a double standard anything other than an accurate reflection of reality.
Are you upset because of the double standards or are you upset he’s spending time with a woman?
Either way it definitely requires a conversation because he’s failing to draw a comparison, even if it’s 100% legit and nothing shady is going on. He is expecting your trust while failing to give it out.
If you went for it anyway despite his protest/being uncomfortable you need to shut up and sit this one out, because you did the same thing he does now.
Did you point out this double standard to your husband?
“a female” “a male”, just say woman and man. Female and male to talk about humans sounds so weird.
Yes it’s double standards but don’t go tit for tat with him, end of the day for both of you it’s work so keep some professionalism. If you both start banning stuff work related it won’t come across to great for the people you work with. Just point out his double standards and that in future you don’t expect him to kick up a fuss when you have to do work related things with other people outside the work environment.
It is a double standard. And you’re BOTH the AH. He told you he didn’t want you to do it and you did it anyway. So now he’s doing the same thing and NOW it’s a problem?
Yes, it’s a double standard because you went anyway but don’t want him to.
But aside from that, you both need to chill.
Whatever she has to tell him can be conveyed in an email
You’re right, it is a double standard. Here’s an opportunity to show an example. That you trust him and now you’d like the same trust in return.
I feel I have missed out some information so:
My husband raised his issues afterwards and since he has, I have since stopped working for this man and no longer communicate with him.
I don’t have an issue with my husband going for a coffee over work related stuff, I’m more annoyed that it’s ok for him to do it but not me?
This woman my husband will be doing work for has met him a few times already to give him work but then she never gives him the work in the end.
I mean, there’s definitely hypocrisy there but also it’s coffee for work..
Its a double standard, but the answer should have been to shut his nonsense down, rather than repeat it.
You are both immature in this regard.
Talk it out.
so he will go to an informal job interview and you accepted a coffee date with a coworker/client?
Ew. The fact that you say female is so off putting. Are you a gay couple because it’s very rare for a woman to say this. I dislike the double standard, but for goodness’ sake. You don’t trust each other to have COFFEE with someone else?
Maybe your husband saw you do the coffee thing and realized he overreacted. Now he knows it is not a big thing. It is something people just do and it’s ok. Obviously you thought it was an ok thing to do earlier this year. Maybe now he sees your side of this issue? Have you asked him this? Communication.
Sounds to me like both of you are the arsehole here.
You both have double standards! It was okay for you to have coffee with a man, but he can’t with a woman. And he has now reversed it. He’s having coffee with a woman and you’re mad about it. Sounds to me like you both need to grow up a little bit and have a serious conversation about mutual respect and boundaries. Can’t have a different set of rules for each other or change them every time something happens you don’t like. Is hubby being honest with you or is this just payback? It does sound like a load of BS! I would question the situation if it were me. Is it legit business or is he doing something else? Time to check the relationship and find out where you stand with each other.
NTA if he blew up when you did the exact same thing, it’s only fair you call out the double standard.
Look at how the tables have turned. The fact you’re wondering if its ok for you to do it means his magic really has worked, and he’s got you fucked up (if you know what the saying means)
INFO: what jobs do you work where you have to meet potential clients in public first?
Why do you have a problem with it? I thought there was nothing wrong with having coffee with someone of the opposite gender?
Are you unhappy? Or do you want to point out the double standard.
In situations like this with my husband , I make the comparison but I let him do the thing. It shows emotional maturity and it humbles them. A conversation that it is hypocritical will hopefully snap him back to reality, it is the exact same situation. Men just need a little help growing up.
If you ultimately went and got coffee with the male then you set the standard on it being “allowed” there.
Arguing about him doing what you did would be petty and having the same argument over again which already had an outcome.
I don’t see it as a double standard because you already did it.
If he doesn’t go because of you then it is a double standard.
Karma is a bitch sometimes
Both of you need to grow up. Work related… And make sure you go home where you belong. 👍 ESH
Soft YTA. The situations are different, the dude offered you coffee after you were already doing work for him. Whereas your husband is having coffee to discuss a potential work opportunity.
I don’t think it’s a double standard, just a nuanced situation.
INFO: so you had already gone for coffee with this man when your husband picked a fight about it, but did you acknowledge him being unhappy about it? As in, was the result of your fight a, “You’re right, I should not have done that?” or was ist, “You’re wrong, what I did was fine!” ?
Because if it was the latter, then him meeting with that women isn’t a double standard, just him employing the same rights for himself that you took for yourself.
Perhaps, this is their way of saying “see how this feels”.
If you didn’t find having coffee with another man weird, then you shouldn’t find him having coffee with another woman weird. You can stop it. Since you didn’t think it was weird for you, then you shouldn’t have a problem with him.
You will be doing this out of spite.
What a terrible relationship to be in… what is the point if you don’t trust each other?
Please stop calling women females 😩 and it is a double standard. I don’t think it’d be constructive to go about it from the angle of “you got mad when I did it so you cant do it or ill be mad” because that tit for tat type of mentality will most likely lead to an argument. Just talk to him specifically about his reaction to you getting a coffee with the person you were doing work for and tell him you want to understand where he is coming from feeling like he can do something that made him mad when you did it. Dont tell him youre mad about it because he could take that and run with it, which will divert from the actual issue. Just keep it strictly to his reaction and his thought process
Let him go grab a coffee if it’s work related. Be the bigger person, he wasn’t happy but you are because there’s nothing wrong about it. Now, trying to throw the same card on him is childish and if you’re having these problems, break up, make an introspection to yourself, learn what you want, what you like and what you don’t want and you don’t like to set as boundaries. Never let your standards go lower or your boundaries trespassed. If he doesn’t understand in a conversation that he’s been inmature, change man.