I (40F) met my friend “Dana” (40F) though a mutual activity that we are both into. Making new friends as an adult is hard and I met her at a time when a lot of my close friends had just moved away so I was really happy to find someone that was fun to talk to and hang out with. We also have kids the same age so it’s been great for them too. Nothing about Dana’s appearance or demeanor screams “crazy rich” but I discovered after we got to know each other a bit that her and her husband are extremely wealthy. Despite my husband and I being upper middle class, the wealth disparity between us can be a bit intimidating if I dwell on it, but luckily it hasn’t been a factor in our friendship at all. We do normal stuff like grab dinner or coffee from time to time, and hang out at regular places. While not “rich” myself I have a good job and am fortunate to lead a pretty comfortable life so I don’t need anything from Dana besides her friendship.
My (45F) SIL “Kate” and I have a pleasant/cordial relationship when we see each other at family functions but otherwise don’t spend much time together. I have nothing against her, and as far as I know she has nothing against me, but we are two very different people with very little in common. In the course of our 10+ year relationship neither us has invited the other to hangout outside of family events. Kate has her own business which is dependent on client relationships. I believe that Kate is good at her job but I don’t try to recommend her to my friends or other family because 1) I don’t like to mix business and family for anyone and 2) she has a somewhat difficult personality and the majority of her business relationships go south.
About a month ago Dana and I ran into Kate while we were out jogging in the park. I have no idea how Kate recognized Dana, but ever since she saw us together she’s been pestering me with questions about how I know her and asking to be included in our meetups. I put her off for awhile but things came to a head at a family BBQ this weekend when Kate told me I was gatekeeping my friendship with Dana “because she’s rich”. I told her that a lot of our meetups revolved around the activity that we are both into (which my SIL has stated multiple times she’s not interested in) and that I didn’t feel comfortable introducing them when it seemed like Kate was only interested in meeting her because of her money.
Some backstory is that my SIL has met other friends of mine that are wealthy (although none as wealthy as Dana) at parties and has pestered them with really intrusive questions about their income and wealth. Because those meetings happened organically I just let it be, but always found it inappropriate.
Dana left the party and my MIL said she was crying in her room because she’s always wanted to “get an in” with a more affluent group of friends and is upset that it seems to “come so easy to me”. My MIL doesn’t usually get involved in these things but she asked me if I could consider helping her out by introducing them so that SIL could promote her business. I said no because I didn’t want to put her in an uncomfortable situation but now they are both upset with me. AITAH for not making this introduction?
Comments
oh jeez no. NTA
NTA
You don’t need to facilitate any relationship with your SIL and your friends. Your friends are not commodities to pass around to family.
NTA even a little bit
You husband needs to deal with this
No
If Dana wants to meet your friend after being warned of how she is then let it be. Kate seems to be very interested in herself, which is the only reason she’s making a problem of this. NTA for trying to protect your friend from another friend who has a history for trying to get a bit to much info out of them.
Did you ask Dana if/how she knew Kate? What is Kate’s business? If Kate wants to invite Dana out for coffee then she can do that without your help.
This whole situation seems very strange. Y’all appear to be way too interested in friends financial statuses & why is a 45 yo woman crying in her room?
eta
>ever since she saw us together she’s been pestering me with questions about how I know her and asking to be included in our meetups
>things came to a head at a family BBQ this weekend when Kate told me I was gatekeeping my friendship with Dana “because she’s rich”
Your SIL’s agenda is embarrassingly transparent. Shame on her for trying to weasel into yet another relationship, purely for the sake of trying to up her social status. And shame on your MIL for jumping on that bandwagon by trying to pressure you when you clearly have no interest in Kate’s skeevy plans.
Your SIL and yourself have no relationship outside of occasional family gatherings. As a person, she’s sketchy at best, and you (as well as others) want nothing to do with her.
So let the two of them cry their crocodile tears. I’m sure there’s more where those came from. They seem to pour out at the drop of a hat, whenever a little twist of emotional manipulation is needed.
Stay far away from those grifters.
NTA
NTA. I don’t know how likely it is that Dana and Kate would meet again, but if there’s a chance, I’d probably have a conversation with Dana now just so she’s aware of the situation. It would suck if Kate used your name as an in and made things awkward between you and Dana.
NTA. This is so laughable. Maybe if SIL was a better person, she’d have better friends. But most people already see her user behavior and don’t want that. Plus poster would probably lose her friendship if she went along with this particular scheme. Stay away from SIL and MIL until they get their heads out of their asses.
NTA. Your SIL would have better luck if she tried to get to know people as people rather than as wallets. She’s giving out serious grifter vibes whether she means to or not, and people tend to pick up on that stuff quickly.
NTA, some possible ideas come to mind. Agree to introduce SIL to your wealthy friend but do it with a twist or two. Tell your wealthy friend all about your gold digging SIL before introducing them so your wealthy friend can react and treat your SIL as she thinks appropriate. Your new friend is not new this type of gold digging behavior and probably will get a kick out of your honesty and permission to treat your SIL the right way to teach SIL some golden lessons. It will all depend on how you present it to your new friend, your new friend’s sense of humor and their cleverness in dealing with people like this. Have some fun with your SIL and putting her greedy behavior on display.
Nta. Its hard to keep friends as adults. Shes a friend not an accessory.your sil is a user and will ruin it for you.
Nta turn it around on SIL and say how hurt you are they she never wants to hang out with just you and only to meet your friends. It sounds like she is social climbing but not even being smart enough to get in good with you.
NTA. Her business relationships always go south because people see through her BS and know she’s just clout chasing.
NTA. You will be judged by Dana for introducing Kate to her, if Kate ends up annoying her, or doing whatever it is she does that causes the majority of her business relationships to go south. Don’t put yourself into that position.
She would never be introduced to my wealthy friends.
NTA. I think you meant “Kate left the party and my MIL said she was crying”, not Dana. Not your job to pimp her out to your friends so she can make money off them. I suspect Dana could probably politely tell Kate to go jump in the lake if Kate tried to do an end-run around you and say, “Hey, OP is my SIL, just wanted to talk to you about (whatever her business is.)” I think it’s worth mentioning to Dana about Kate’s business and how she’s “dying” to meet her, but you are not encouraging it. Dana’s used to users like this, and can probably shut down Kate pretty efficiently.
Omg, no. Your social contacts are not her business opportunities. I would completely shut your MIL down and firmly tell your SIL that she is not to stalk you and your friends. I would look for tracking devices in your car.
NTA and lets be real: she sucks as a business woman. to be annoying to potential business partners will nut help her it will damage her business. she will be worse of it she pisses your friend of and has someone that disencourages others to do business with her. and let’s be honest: that’s what will happen!