So there’s times when some friends and I will be hanging out and if I’m hungry I order some door dash or pizza delivery. I always ask if they’re hungry/what they want and I pay. It’s not that often, every few months or so.
There’s been several times when people just weren’t hungry and said no thanks or whatever. Fine cool, whatever.
My friend James always claims he’s hungry and wants something, but then doesn’t eat it and takes it home. The first few times fine whatever but it’s annoying when I’m ordering extra food because we’re hanging out just for him to take it home. The cost adds up and I’m not trying to do his grocery shopping.
A while back we all got chicken. James grabbed his pieces and put it aside to take home. A mutual friend took a piece of his and ate it. James got all bent out of shape saying “you don’t eat another man’s food”. Our friend said he should have ate it then if he wanted it.
So last time we all were hanging out and watching baseball. I waited for James to leave to order food. Someone noticed that I waited and said that’s mean to exclude James. That I don’t know his finances.
I don’t know his finances but I know he has a job and is known for being cheap and never reciprocating either.
I don’t like being taken advantage of.
Aitah for waiting to order food.
Comments
I’m really not sure why it matters to you when James eats the food. Also rude af of that one friend to just eat some of it without asking.
If the cost adds up then maybe do what most people do: order then tell them what they owe you
nta dont buy him food anymore thats weird as hell of him
NTA. You’re paying for their food because it’s providing something for the group to do together.
YTA-you are gifting him food, you don’t get to decide when he eats that food. If you don’t want to pay for other people’s food, just don’t.
whenever he eats it shouldn’t really be a big deal cause he could just be shy idk. Taking from you without reciprocating is where i draw the line.
NTA….”I may not know his finances, but I am done buying for anyone who thinks I am a take out service. I buy food for you to treat you in my apartment, not for you to get a doggie bag, which James does every single time he is offered take out. If you do not like that I waited until he left, then you can buy his food from now on”.
But, really, if you want food when people are over, you do not have to buy all the time. “Hey, I am going to order some food. Does anyone want anything? If so, you can venmo your portion, (or however you want them to pay). Or arrange a sort of pot luck. “Hey, do you all want to hang on Tuesday? I thought I would provide BBQs and “whatever drink”, and whoever wants to come over can bring, (list some ideas), because otherwise, you will get twenty bags of chips.) Let me know what you will be bringing so we do not get doubles”.
Stop doing for those that are not appreciative. And food costs are going up all the time. you should not have to pay all the time, just because they all come to your place.
YTA. This is shitty of you.
You’ve offered to buy your friend a meal. You’re not being “taken advantage of”.
Stop buying friends meals if you care so much about if they eat it around you or not.
NTA. I’m assuming James has a phone and a debit/credit card and could’ve bought food for himself. You noticed a pattern and made a choice based off historical data. If the person you were with feels so strongly about including James hand them the phone since they want to be inclusive, they wouldn’t mind footing the bill.
I’m confused how it’s more expensive if he eats the chicken wing at home but I do get the idea that the food is for the get-together, not for takeout.
Regardless, if it’s adding up, why not just have everyone chip in? If he’s broke and that’s why he’s taking it home, why not do something cheaper like having everyone bring ingredients to make something?
Waiting for someone to LEAVE so you can get takeout specifically is kinda weird. Just don’t get them anything. It seems like a self-imposed burden you’ve created.
It’s sort of catty to wait until he leaves rather than just speaking to him about it like an adult would. “Hey man, the food is for here okay?” Not super hard.
…and they don’t know your finances either, and it snot your responsibility to make sure a grown ass, working man eats! NTA and tell them if it’s such a problem they can order and pay for his food!
You’re NTA for protecting your finances from a mooch but the problem hasn’t gone away. In fact, you’ve made it worse for yourself in a way because it will almost certainly get back to James that you ordered food after he left.
He will either be upset and make a big deal of it, or next time he just won’t leave. Why don’t you collect everybody’s money along with their orders?
Time to implement a new rule. Everyone chips in for food.
I do not let others foot my bill on principle unless they (my friends) insist and that only happens on my birthday because they know I don’t like it.
No seriously they chill at your home use your bathroom etc. and you are fine with that because they are your friends and we do stuff for people we like/ love.
That doesn’t mean you should carry the costs for takeout for everyone that’s expensive as hell.
In the end you do you. Just because I have different values or principles it doesn’t mean I want to force them onto someone else.
No. Hell no. Friends arent freeloaders. If he’s coming by for a meal to take home he isnt a friend he is a leech
NTA AT ALL!
Food is expensive these days
NTA.
I’ve stopped having people over. We go out to eat. By the time I pay for everything at my BBQ, it’s better to pay the same and not cook a damn thing.
Nobody ever pitched in, so why should I pay? I’m sure not rich 🤑
NTA. Next time they’re all there, ask if someone else wants to order food since you usually pay for it. See what happens. Some of your friends might surprise you.
Not James though, he’s a taker.
NTA! It is rude of him to order food to take home and put aside food to take home!
NTA
Your friend was more than able to order food while James was there. Why didn’t they?
NTA I’d tell that friend next time he could offer to pay for everyone’s food.
Nta but perhaps some clear communication is in order.
Of course your NTA to wait until James leaves, but the problem is really on you. Stop buying your friends food.
NTA – it’s not your job to feed your friends. Once in a while as a treat is nice. If I did it and no one else did though… I’d probably quit. Letting everyone know that you’re ordering food if anyone else wants to put in their order and pay for it would be acceptable as well. Dude taking his food home though… nah I’d out a stop to that real fast.
NTA. I was ordering food for everyone (and covering it) and one friend asked for two full sized subs. I checked to make sure and he explained that he was gonna take one home for lunch tomorrow. I still love the guy, but after that I don’t offer to cover food for him until the check comes.
You don’t need to know his finances to know that they’re not your responsibility or consideration, especially if you haven’t been asked to help.
Nta. Perhaps next time you want to order when with a group, say “I’m going to order food, but can’t cover everyone. Does anyone want to get in on this order, and you can cashapp/venmo/PayPal me the money?” That way you’re not “excluding” anyone, but also not being taken advantage of either.
You pay for the food, but you want him to eat his portion right then and there?
NTA