I recently had twins end of July. They were born premature/preterm. It was a stressful pregnancy as I was high risk too (IUGR). Thankfully, they did not have a NICU stay but came close to having one due to glucose issues. Our doctor had advised us to not allow visitors inside who do not have their updated tdap booster. Unfortunately, this includes my mom who will not get her tdap booster :(. Furthermore, the doctor also advised us to not allow others to hold the baby during flu season who are not vaccinated. We will have visitors coming end of October who may or may not get their flu shot. My brother and niece being one of them. My niece is 3 and may not get her flu shot. I let my brother know that she can meet them but not hold them since she doesn’t have her flu shot. My brother said she will be devastated and their trip is pointless if she can’t hold them. Am I the asshole for upholding the boundaries? edited to include more info
Premie twins and visitors
r/AITAH
Comments
Not at all
Your responsibility is to your children, not your brother or his kids feelings.
NTA
Following advice the doctor says is best for your baby does not make you an asshole, it makes you smart
Follow doctor guidelines. BTW- there might not be flu vaccines this year. It is a royal mess currently. One of the big medical hospitals here have been waiting months to find out guidance and availability. Welcome to trumpworld.
This is the easiest AITA I have ever seen. Follow the doctor’s advice. Err on the side of caution with your preemies, because there are no magical do-overs. Absolutely NTA.
NTA – “Our doctor had advised” is all that should matter here for the wellbeing of your children.
NTA. My entire family got TDAP boosters before our niece was born. If your mom was recommended to get the DTAP shot because of concern of tetanus, would she get it or choose to die of lockjaw? NTA on following your doctor’s recommendation on flu shots for your premies. Sorry your family’s are being AHs.
How she feels is not your concern. Your concern is your children’s health and safety. If her father is so concerned that she will be devastated, then he can have her vaccinated. If he does not, then he is the one causing her to be upset. Not you.
NTA
“I don’t care about anyone else being offended or devestated. I am protecting MY children. I refuse to be devestated by having my twins suffer from me NOT listening to my doctor. They were born premature. They are in a fragile state for now. I am not a therapist and I am not here for anyone’s hurt feelings, I am a mother and I will protect my family. You figure your crap out. And don’t you dare lie to me about being vaccinated or not. In fact, how about we just cancel the trip? I’m not comfortable with the amount of pushback I am already getting about my kids and I don’t think you and your family are capable of taking myself and my doctor’s recommendations seriously. I get the feeling that you think this is all overblown and so you will ignore recommendations and lie to me. Yoiu’re right, the trip isn’t worth it for you. Stay home.”
NTA. That being said, a three year old during peak virus season being anywhere near immune compromised babies is honestly an issue–holding them or not.
But bottom line OP, some people do take these things too far. You’ve got immune compromised newborns to protect. You’re not taking it too far.
You’re not the AH, but any member of your family is if they can’t understand no holding/visiting is for the health of the twins.
And congratulations btw, hope you and the little ones are okay x
Have them mask up keep visits short
Hand washing is important
I gladly vaccinated for my grandchild.idk why wouldn’t you do it?
NTA. Babies health is #1 priority. Peoples feelings can be hurt if they can’t understand that.
NTA; No… vaccinations like washing hands are personal choices, but reasonable precautions to protect infants.
NTA. Before my first grandchild was born, my son and his wife requested that we all receive certain vaccines before visiting the baby. None of us objected.
Your job is to protect your children, not provide entertainment for others.